Spider Jerusalem - Filth - Ray Wonsowski

All captions are in Courier typewriter font.

Layout:
123
456
 78

CAPTION across the very top of the page:  There have been valid arguments on both sides regarding the Barack Obama Welfare Tenament Project.

Panel 1 - SPIDER JERUSALEM, his back to us, outside the tenament house.  It is dilapidated, crumbling, and abused.  Walls are cracking, windows are broken or boarded up, graffiti is epidemic, and some of the window bars have been pried back and bent.

CAPTION:  Construction was farmed out to the cheapest bidder.  Cement was diluted with dirt, and safety minimums for both electrical and plumbing were barely observed.  Bribes to zoning officials were paid dutifully.

Panel 2 - Filthy assistant YELENA ROSSINI, background, stands in the doorway (the door was torn off) looking at, foreground an exhausted mother surrounded by hyperactive, half-dressed children.  She is in her 40's, haggard, slightly overweight, in baggy clothes that are sliding off her shoulder, exposing a nicotine-color bra strap, and she leans on her broom, cigarette drooping from her lower lip.

CAPTION:  National average, children per family: 2.  Average, children per tenament family: 5.  Most of the children miss at least one meal daily, yet most parents are still able to scrape up a few coins for smokes and booze.

Panel 3 - Same apartment different pov.  From over YELENA's shoulder, we see the above scene foreground.  Background we see the woman's fat unshaven husband in a torn-up recliner drinking beer from a bottle, looking lecherously at his skinny blonde teenage daughter (about 15yrs), sitting on the window sill, dangling her feet.

CAPTION:  Jim Burton has not found work in over a year.  He has no intention of looking.  He resents his nagging wife's autumn of 43, and does not bother to hide his desire for spring again.

Panel 4 - Our other filthy, CHANNON YARROW, is in the basement listening with concern to  the maintenance man.  A rusty boiler is sputtering in the corner.  The super is dirty, sweaty, and frustrated talking with her.  They both wear hip-high rubber boots, because they are standing knee-deep in dirty water.  One low-wattage lightbulb hangs from the ceiling to light the scene.

CAPTION:  The building was built connected to the old sewer lines.  Toilets overflow regularly, and the offal backs up at least twice a week.  It's worse when it rains. 

CAPTION:  The super calls the Project's management on a daily basis.  Middling executives in charge are either "at lunch with investors" or on holiday.

Panel 5 - SPIDER looks down a burnt out stairwell.  On one stair, a 10-year-old kid huffs on a paper bag.  His older brother, half his head shaved, draws a dirty graffiti picture with a fat black marker on the wall.  On the next landing, two teenagers shag standing up, skirt hiked about the girl's waist, boys pants around his feet.

CAPTION:  The few reponsible adults with gainful employment have to leave for work before the kids are supposed to go to school.  They come home too late at night to realize that they never went in the first place.  One boy told me, "What's the point?"

Panel 6 - SPIDER sitting civilly in an executive office across the desk of a well-dressed property broker.  The room is airy, and the windows in the office are floor-to-ceiling, giving a view of the city.

CAPTION:  I hear the boy's question repeated when I ask the Project Associates about upkeep.  "What's the point?  So the little buggers can trash it again?  Screw'em."

CAPTION:  Welfare policy, poverty eradication.  Property rights, opportunity costs.  Ever the political animals, government politicos must weigh in.

Panel 7 - Background, the entire city block where the Welfare Tenament stands burns as a raging inferno.  Foreground, with their backs facing us, are (L to R) CHANNON, SPIDER, and YELENA.  They are watching it all burn.  A military helicopter is recognizable in the orange smoky sky.

CAPTION:  The government couldn't stand to see all that stockpiled napalm go to waste, so the National Guard was mobilized to "supervise the demolition of the Barack Obama Welfare Tenament Project."

Panel 8 - Seen through the scope-sights of a helicopter gunner (that electric green color wash) close up the faces of (L to R) YELENA, SPIDER, and CHANNON.  YELENA is pointing at whoever is looking through the scope, shouting with rage.  CHANNON has a bowel disrupter like a bazooka ready to fire on her shoulder; it even says "RONCO MILITARY-GRADE BOWEL DISRUPTOR" on it.  SPIDER, cigarette clenched in his teeth, looks up at us over his live shades, grinning toothily, smugly, slightly evilly.

CAPTION:  Whether you have or have not, this is how the elected Scum take care of you.  Because you refuse to take care of your own f##king selves.

==30==

Why Spider Jerusalem?

Because JOURNALISM!

Because my introduction to TRANSMETROPOLITAN is completely the fault of Rich and Ethan at Comic Fortress in Somerville NJ (Thanx, guys - proof that the difference between local comic shop and GREAT local comic shop is the people who run it).

Because this was also my first serious exposure to Warren Ellis, who frustrates me as a writer, because he consistently comes up with concepts that I couldn't come up with on my best days, and I love him for it.

Because I felt like Warren Ellis wrote this series just for me.  It feels personal, and heartfelt, and volatile, and completely over the top.

Because Spider Jerusalem is a hero.  But he's not armed with superpowers or kevlar costuming.  His calling is as a journalist.  His weapon is the written word.  His armour is the Truth.

(That truly is the meat of it right there.  He's a well-written character, who is defined by his writing.  A challenge for ANY writer to tackle.)

Because He's like Hunter S Thompson cast in Blade Runner (if Ridley Scott OD'd on Bill Hicks comedy specials, Ted Nugent hunting videos, and latex).

Because BOWEL DISRUPTORS - perfect for shooting elected officials!

Because both here in Paraguay, and in my homeland - the USofA - as well as other countries around the world, it's Election season.  And the choice of candidates - EVERYWHERE - are disappointing at best and disgusting at worst, and Spider is just the type of character to use as a mouthpiece for our venom towards governments that no longer are of us, for us, or by us.  They are behind us.  Not like support; more like prison shower...

Because the future dystopia he lives in, though full of science-fictiony goodness, is still very relatable to us.  It's a horror cartoon extrapolation on consumerism, unquestioned authority, social networking, politics, economics, urbanization, among others...

Because Monkeyburgers, Bucket'o'Seal Eyes, the Chair Leg of Truth, Powdered Baby, and Air Jesus anti-grav sandals.

Because Filthy Assistants!

Because Spider taught me that anger can be righteous, ignorance is an intolerable excuse, and blind acceptance is intellectually lazy.

Because Spider Jerusalem, Warren Ellis, and TRANSMETROPOLITAN, is my personal example at how powerful the comics medium, and the written word, can be when used to say something beyond itself.  Yeah, it's just a comic.  But for me, it's Truth.

...and because I want a pair of live shades...please?

The Rarebit Fiend - Next Week's Preview - R.A.Wonsowski

Panels 1 thru 5 should be done in the Japanese manga style; Panel 6 reverts to the usual for the artist.

Panel 1 - TRUTH-SAYING BASTARD SPIDEY (the anime version of intrepid journalist SPIDER JERUSALEM, like so:
   as you see here, and will now abreviate as TSBS) is winking at us through Warner Bros.-esque concentric circles, giving us the finger.

COPY (in neon script):  彼の真実はあなたの湿った脳を耕すを許可する - ここで真実言うスパイダーマンです！

CAPTION:  Allow his hard truth to penetrate your moist brain! - You can not resist him! - TRUTH-SAYING BASTARD SPIDEY!

Panel 2 - TSBS is sitting on a curb outside a voting center.  Anthropomorphic animals wait queued up outside to take their turn.  An armoured City cop is standing guard, his best truncheon in his hand, his riot shield has VOTE! written in red spray paint upon it.  TSBS is shooting heroin between his toes.

TSBS:  Kids!  Let the pretending that we can make a difference BEGIN!

Panel 3 - TSBS has a puppet that looks a lot like Ernie from Sesame Street in a pinstripe suit on his hand, his other hand holds two cigarettes, both lit.  He points at the puppet with the cigarettes.

OFF-PANEL, multiple speakers in unison:  Did! You! Know?!?

TSBS:  Like this homunculous of felt and foam, a politician can not speak without someone's hand up his ass!

COPY (in neon script):  あなたの政治委員会を知っている!

CAPTION:  Know your Super PAC Puppeteers!

Panel 4 - TSBS in a voting booth, curtain open, both cigarettes between his teeth as he smiles at us over his shoulder, pants around his ankles, is urinating on the voting machine.  He is twice as tall as anyone else in the panel.  Old ladies look on in horror and disgust, another City cop is coming in for the arrest, angry at the scene.

TSBS:  Let us say I am your government!  This voting machine is the people!  See how I quench your thirst for fairness and equality!

Panel 5 - TSBS is now out on the street.  He is now 20 feet tall.  His back is to us, and he is finishing stripping naked.  Fizz dots surround his head as the toe-heroin kicks in.  He is surrounded at his feet by buxom Japanese women dressed as schoolgirls, who all gaze up at him in either love, lust, or awe.

TSBS:  My civic duty increases the orgone energy!  My blood becomes soma, and women everywhere can taste my tangy musk!  Because DEMOCRACY!

Panel 6 - ("normal art") Through a open doorway, we see a naked SPIDER JERUSALEM, (gratefully, his back is still to us) standing in his open window on the balcony, fizz dots swimming around his head like in the previous panel.  He is pointing at his nether-regions, shouting down to the street.  Outside the doorway, we see his filthies, YELENA (on the left side of the door) and CHANNON (on the right).  YELENA is angrily gritting her teeth at CHANNON, who is responding to her defensively.

YELENA:  What the hell, Channon?  It was just Welsh rarebit, right?

CHANNON:  Yeah, but who knows what he keeps in that spice rack?

SPIDER:  GAZE UPON MY MAGNIFICENCE, PHILISTINES!

The Rarebit Fiend - Secret Origin - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: A 1930s clothing store. There is a young man of about 18 helping his father, the store owner. There should be one or two oddball things in the background throughout -- people with animal heads, floating bacon, whatever dream nonsense you care to imagine, but not so much as to distract. The younger man (the dreamer) is noticeably distracted by the weirdness, but, as one does in a dream, is just going along with it.

OLDER MAN: The ginger bald man wants a purple coat, and then take those new orders to the globe in the sky.

YOUNG MAN: Uh, okay, pop!

Panel 2: A cliched robber burst in the door, wearing a domino mask, flat cap, and striped jumper, carrying a sack with a dollar sign on it.

ROBBER: Front page! Robbery in the city of tomorrow!

Panel 3: The Robber points his gun at the older man, who is behind the register, not fazed.

ROBBER: Gimme all yer money, and thirty-six elements!

OLDER MAN: This mockery of truth and justice will not stand!

Panel 4: The Robber fires his gun. The young man in the background, looking horrified.

ROBBER: You just bought the farm!

YOUNG MAN: Dad! No!

Panel 5: With a blur trailing in from off-panel, a generic superhero appears between the gun and the older man, the bullet bouncing off him. He has no symbol on his chest, but wears a cape and his colours are red and blue. He has jet-black hair and a square jaw.

SUPERHERO: More powerful than a speeding bullet!

Panel 6: The Superhero punches out the Robber.

SUPERHERO: Crime doesn't pay!

Panel 7: The Superhero and both men celebrating.

YOUNG MAN: You saved my pa!

Panel 8: A slightly older Jerry Siegel lies awake in his bed. He has not catapulted awake, but rather is just lying there with sad eyes.

SIEGEL: (small) If only...

END OF PAGE

The Rarebit Fiend – Tied Down & Freefall – Shaun Richens.

ONE PAGE

9 PANELS

PAGE LAYOUT

12

34

56

78

99

1. A young Black woman, henceforth known as Female Fiend, lies on her back, tied down on a beach. Miniature men, the size of smurfs in comparison to the woman stand at the base of the ropes holding her in place. The miniature men wear suits, top hats and monocles; they each have a revolver holstered at the waist. The leader of the miniature men stands on the bosom of Female Fiend.

         LEADER:

         Good show old boys. Hold her down.

         FEMALE FIEND:

         I do declare minuscule men? How bizarre.

2. A young, yet bald white man sits facing us in a wheelchair. He is henceforth known as Male Fiend. Standing behind him holding onto the wheelchair handles but leaning down to speak into Male Fiends ear is a man who looks exactly like him, we shall call him Doppelganger.

         DOPPELGANGER:

         I am ever so sorry old bean.

3. Close up on Female Fiend, she is looking right at us, her bosom rising in the foreground, the leader of the miniature men standing proudly between them, he is facing her, back to us.

         LEADER:

How bizarre? You dare speak like that to the men of the order.

4. Same basic layout as 2. However we pull right back to reveal that Male Fiend and Doppelganger are at the top of a huge dam. Doppelganger has lifted and pushed the wheelchair forward spilling Male Fiend out of it and down the side of the dam. Male Fiend is falling towards the base of the panel, which looks like pure black smoke creeping up the panel.

         DOPPELGANGER:

         Nothing personal you do understand.

5. Side on view of Female Fiend tied down, her head at the right of the panel looking left. The leader still on her chest has stridden forward his revolver raised in front of him pointing at Female Fiend.

         LEADER:

         You shall pay for your insubordinate words foul wench.

         FEMALE FIEND:

         Hehe Tiny guns, how adorable.

6. Male Fiend is freefalling, his limbs out stretched trying to slow his descent. The backdrop is black, stars and planets shine and spin behind him.

         MALE FIEND:

         Bugger.

7. Close up on Female Fiends face. She has lots of tiny smoke spots on her cheeks and forehead from the revolver shots Leader has fired at her. The top hat of Leader can be seen at the base of the panel.

        

         FEMALE FIEND:

         Please stop, that does ever so tickle.

         LEADER 1:

         I was to take you for my wife.

         LEADER 2:

         No more!

8. From above Male Fiend looking down, he is in the classic arms out bent at the elbow sky diving position. Below him we can see the silhouette of someone tied up.

         MALE FIEND 1:

         I do declare a minuscule woman? How bizarre.

MALE FIEND 2:

Or perhaps she is merely far away.

9. Female and Male fiend are sat up in bed together. They are looking at each other with confused expressions. In the foreground next to the bed is a wheelchair tipped on its side, the wheel highest up still spinning. Female Fiends face still has the tiny smoke spots from panel 7.

         FEMALE AND MALE FIEND:

         Well I do declare…

The Rarebit Fiend – Dreampool – MK Stangeland Jr.

(9 Panels)

At the bottom of the page is a single long panel featuring a sleeping DEADPOOL. Thought balloon bubbles come out of his head to create the actual panels, which are framed as being part of his dream.

Panel 1: DEADPOOL stands against a blank white canvas, looking around.

Panel 2: DEADPOOL has his hands cupped against his mouth.

DEADPOOL: Hel-LOOOO!

Panel 3: DEADPOOL looks around again to see if there’s any response.

Panel 4: DEADPOOL is walking across the blank white canvas, waiting to see if anything happens.

DEADPOOL: I said Hel-LOOOO!

Panel 5: DEADPOOL is standing with bent knees as his arms are held up and he shouts into the sky.

DEADPOOL: WHY WON’T ANYTHING HAPPEN TO ME?!

Panel 6: DEADPOOL is standing again, looking frustrated and annoyed by the way he’s standing.

DEADPOOL (1): Worst.

DEADPOOL (2): Dream.

DEADPOOL (3): EVER!

Panel 7: DEADPOOL has the bottom half of his body covered up by the bottom of the dream/thought bubble/balloon. He looks like a mix of disappointed and depressed.

DEADPOOL: *Sigh!*

Panel 8: Similar to the previous panel, but DEADPOOL’s head is leaning now, too.

DEADPOOL: Last time I ever have rarebit before bed.

(END PAGE)

The Rarebit Fiend- A Fresh Start -Dan Hill

PAGE ONE: Eight panels

Panel One:
We open on a profile shot of a young couple sat opposite each other in a booth in a busy late night diner. The YOUNG WOMAN sits on the right side of the panel. She stirs her coffee ildly whilst looking across the table at the YOUNG MAN sat opposite her. They both look haggard and tired.

MAN: It's not going to work...

Panel Two:
The woman looks up at the ceiling. Please let this be over. The man continues. It's raining outside now.

MAN: --we made a mistake--

Panel Three:
A waitress stands by the table pouring more coffee. The woman looks up at her, silently thanking her stripes for contact from someone other than this guy.

MAN: --incapable of sharing yourself--

Panel Four:
The man grows frustrated. He's not getting through. The woman remains nonchalant.

MAN: --so closed off--

Panel Five:
The man continues. But he's given up. He motions to the waitress for the cheque.

MAN: --head buried in the past--

Panel Six:
The woman sits in the booth by herself. The man is getting up to leave.

MAN: --not even listening--

Panel Seven:
Nothing but black.

MAN(TAILLESS): --you listening?

WOMAN(TAILLESS): Sorry, I drifted off a bit...

Panel Eight:

CUT TO the same young man and woman sitting in a small kitchen somewhere in a cramped apartment. A single candle illuminates the scene. On the table in front of them is a plate of Welsh Rarebit.

They both look fresher, younger, more vibrant. Both of them are smiling at each other.

WOMAN: Some first date, huh?

MAN: A date? I mean...are you sure?

WOMAN: ...

The Rarebit Fiend - Daredevil Dreamer - Grant McLaughlin

Four rows of two panels each.

1 - The central ring of a circus tent.  Dan Daring stands in the spotlight, waving to the audience.  An unseen announcer talks about what will be happening.  The word balloons should be unconnected and have that spiky look as if it's coming from a PA system or something.

ANNOUNCER: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Dazzling Dan Daring and his Death-Defying Deeds of Derring-Do!  Prepare to be amazed by his exciting exploits and amazing adventures!

2 - Still in the central ring.  Dan stands at a single kitchen counter that has appeared, cutting up some meat.

ANNOUNCER: Behold as he prepares food without first washing his hands!

3 - Dan rides his bicycle around the ring.  He does not wear a helmet.

ANNOUNCER: Stand amazed as he rides his bicycle without proper protective gear!

4 - An above ground pool has appeared in the middle of the ring.  Dan swims leisurely in it.

ANNOUNCER: Watch as he goes for a swim without a life jacket!

5 - A voting station sits in the middle of the ring.  Dan stands behind a small screen with an image circle and 'x' through it on its front, doing his civic duty.

ANNOUNCER: Observe as he votes without giving due consideration to the issues or the party platforms!

6 - Dan sits in a large, wingback chair in front of a roaring fireplace.  He wears a smoking jacket, smokes a pipe, and a tumbler of brandy sits on the nearby endtable.

ANNOUNCER: See him read a newspaper with questionable journalistic integrity!


7 - Dan is not there, but two bags of garbage sit in the middle of the ring.  Smell lines emanate from them, as do a few flies.

ANNOUNCER: And in his final stunning stunt, smell as Dan forgets to take the garbage out for the second straight week!

8 - The traditional Rarebit Fiend final panel.  Dan is jolting awake, sitting up in the bed.  His wife Miriam is lying on the bed, turned away.

DAN: Miriam!  I just had the most horrid nightmare!

MIRIAM: I tol' you not to have that rarebit.

The Rarebit Fiend - A Dream is a Wish - Ben Rosenthal

1. A man awakens in his bed, very similar to what the last panel of a typical Rarebit Fiend comic.

MAN

What a worrisome dream.  I shall have to write it down immediately!

2.  The man sits at a desk scrawling away on his piece of paper.  However the words are illegible.  They are symbols and random strokes.

3.  The man has reached the end of his page.  There is no more room left to write

4.  The man is continuing to write in the same fashion, but onto his desk.

5.  The man is on his knees writing on the floor.  The trail of scrawling can be seen running up the desk, on top of his desk to its beginning at the top of the page.  However the words on top of the page have begun the rise from the paper, which is still laying flat on the table. 

6. Same as Panel 5, but the words have formed into a monstrous shape with a large mouth and teeth.  It is bearing down on the man who has still yet to notice the monster he has created.

7.  The text monster’s mouth is closing in around the man’s upper half of his body.  Only now has the man noticed, and realising it is too late to do anything is cowering.

8.  Same as Panel 1.

MAN

What a worrisome dream.  I shall have to write it down immanently!

The Rarebit Fiend - Dream Theater - Niel Jacoby

4 rows, 2 wide panels each.

Panel 1: Our Rarebit Fiend for this installment, a smaller, mousy younger guy, is sitting in a theater seat, somewhat bored. We see him from the side, and we can't see the screen, but we can see that the theater isn't exactly well-populated.

Fiend: OH, THIS FEATURE HAS GONE ON FOR MUCH TOO LONG! I HAVE HALF A MIND TO VACATE THIS SEAT PERMANENTLY.

Panel 2: He is surprised and looking towards the screen.

Screen(OP): OH YEAH? WELL, BUDDY, WE AREN'T EXACTLY ENTHUSED BY AN AUDIENCE LIKE YOURSELF.

Panel 3: He is indignated, pointing a finger at the screen. We can see the face of one of the people onscreen, a sort of pretty boy main character, leaning into frame from above, large as someone on the silver screen would be.

Fiend: I DON'T SEE HOW IT'S MY FAULT THAT YOU'RE NOT ENTERTAINING ME!

Panel 4: Another person from onscreen, a more stereotypical bruiser type, has burst out, and is glaring at the Fiend.

Screen 2: AND I DON' SEE HOW Y'TINK Y'CAN INSULT MY CO-WORKERS AND TINK YOU'LL STAY IN YA PREVIOUS SHAPE!

Screen 1: WHOA, WHOA, THERE'S NO NEED FOR ROUGHHOUSING HERE, GENTLEMEN! LET'S NOT MAKE THIS TOO BIG OF A DEAL!

Panel 5: The bruiser is getting into the face of the main character pretty boy, while the Fiend cringes behind some seats.

Screen 2: I'LL SHOW YA WEAK, YA SLICK-TONGUE SAP!

Panel 6: The bruiser is looking at the Fiend, who has tried to run away, and has been grabbed by the coattails by the bruiser, and is trying to run away, his legs whirling, while the pretty boy looks on, afraid.

Screen 2: AH, DON' TINK I'M DONE UP WIT' YOU, PENCIL-NECK.

Panel 7: bruiser is pulling the Fiend ever closer, while the pretty boy pleads and pleads

SCREEN 2: AAAAH, DAT'S IT, DAT'S IT, DERE WE GO, DERE WE GO

SCREEN: PLEASE NO, THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY, PLEASE!

Panel 8: the Fiend's bed, a simpler wire type of thing. He's fallen on the floor in front of the footboard, face down, his legs tied up in sheets in the bed.

Fiend: OOF, THOSE RAREBITS, THEY MAY WELL DAMAGE MY TEETH MORE THAN THOSE DEATHLY STALE BUISCITS IF I'M NOT CAREFUL.

Why The Rarebit Fiend?

Dream Of The Rarebit Fiend is a pretty great strip, with an amazing framework, in which anything, as in dreams, is possible.

Written under the pen name Silas(it was for contractual reasons, because the comics business in 1904 was cutthroat as hell) by Little Nemo creator Winsor McKay, the strip began in 1904, and ended 9 years later in 1913. The strip had a common flow: a dream, always with a different dreamer, begins somewhat normal, gets weird quick, and before it hits the bad end of the weirdness, that classic cliched ending: It was all a dream caused by those damnable rarebits.

But that doesn't make it unfulfilling. It makes it predictable, yes, but it's not about the destination, it's about the crooked, though somehow alluring, flow of the dialogue and the strange situations McKay draws up before pulling the rug at the last moment.

If you want to join in, c'mon, man! The comments section is open and consenting.

If you'd like to read more of these damnable rarebit comics, you can find them, along with McKay's own Little Nemo and George Herriman's classic Krazy Kat at The Comic Strip Library. Fair warning, it can get pretty 1900s-era type bigoted at times, so keep that in mind.

Judge Anderson - Parallel Lines - R.A. Wonsowski

(Inspired by, and dedicated to, Ben Rosenthal - Your last week's script is to blame for this...)

Set-up:  X-Force members DEADPOOL, PSYLOCKE and WOLVERINE, in their black and white costumes, are separated from their team and shunted into the future, only to find themselves in Mega-City One!  Psylocke's mental abilities alert Psi-Ops, and the three are captured by JUDGE ANDERSON of Psi-Division!

Panel 1 - Background:   DEADPOOL, PSYLOCKE and WOLVERINE are sitting on the sidewalk, backs against a wall, hands behind their backs because they're cuffed.  Foreground:  JUDGE ANDERSON is leaning against her motorcycle, helmet off, talking on her radio.

VOICE ON RADIO:  They don't match any of the genome records, Judge.

ANDERSON:  No ID's either.  I'll see what I can glean psi-wise.

Panel 2 - JUDGE ANDERSON sits on her haunches in front of DEADPOOL, the two of them staring into each other's eyes.

NO COPY

Panel 3 - Same as panel 2

DEADPOOL (thought balloon, with musical notes):  Call Me! - Whoa, call me - call me any day or night...

DEADPOOL (thought balloon, with musical notes):  One Way - Or Another - I'm gonna find ya...

Panel 4 - Same as above

DEADPOOL (thought balloon, with musical notes):  ...I'm gonna getchagetchagetchagetcha one way...

DEADPOOL (thought balloon, with musical notes):  ...Tide is High but I'm holdin' on...

Panel 5 - Same as above

DEADPOOL (thought balloon, with musical notes):  ...I'm gonna be you're number one...

DEADPOOL (thought balloon, with musical notes):  ...nu-u-umber one...

Panel 6 - JUDGE ANDERSON is back on her feet, looking at PSYLOCKE and WOLVERINE.  She's back on her radio.  PSYLOCKE's face is hard, but WOLVERINE has his head cocked with a "I-know-her-from-somewhere" look on his face.

JUDGE ANDERSON:  I'm getting nowhere with the strange singing in the first one's head.  I'm going to try the other two...

PSYLOCKE (thought balloon):  (image of a brick wall)

WOLVERINE (thought balloon, with musical notes):  ...nu-u-umber one...


(Oh, c'mon, you can't tell me no one else has noticed:
...really?)

Judge Anderson - Hands To The Sky - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: We see a gang emptying a storehouse, and one of the containers is cross-sectioned so we see Judge Anderson hiding inside it. The gang leader is issuing an order, and the underlings are all turned to face him.

Leader: THAT'S IT BOYS, WE'RE ALMOST DONE! ONCE THE LAST OF THE PACKAGES IS LOADED, WE'LL GET A MOVE ON!

Inset Panel: Close-up. Judge Anderson, in the box, is resolute.

Anderson: AH! HERE'S MY CHANCE! THE CONTRABAND IS NEATLY PACKED, AND NO DOUBT THEY'VE LEFT FINGERPRINTS

Inset Panel 2: Anderson, 2 fingers to her left temple, is concentrating. We can see the psychic energy radiating.

SFX: VRUMMMMMMMMMMM

Panel 3: This should take up most of the page. The Leader, the same psychic energy radiating around his head, pulls a gun on the rest of his men.

Leader: EVERYBODY, PUT OUR HANDS UP! WE ARE ALL UNDER ARREST!

Cap: NEXT PROG -
A MIND IS A TERRIFIC THING TO USE!
-OR-
THE MEDIUM AND THE MESSAGE!

Judge Anderson - Bomb Squad - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: A scruffy-looking man with an impressive bomb strapped to him shouting hysterically.

BOMBER: I want the Justice Department to hear my demands! Now!

BOMBER: No more fascists! Or I blow this whole City Block to atoms!

Panel 2: Judges Dredd and Anderson pointing their lawgivers at the Bomber. They are both stoic, calm. Anderson has her helmet off.

DREDD: Anderson?

Panel 3: Long horizontal panel. Close-up of Anderson's eyes. She is concentrating, using her psychic abilities, but not too strained.

NO TEXT

Panel 4: Another long horizontal panel. Close-up of the Bomber's eyes. He is noticeably more nervous.

NO TEXT

Panel 5: Close on Anderson. She remains grim.

ANDERSON: The bomb is real.

Panel 6: Close on the Bomber. Grinning madly.

NO TEXT

Panel 7: Same as Panel 5, Anderson grinning slightly this time.

ANDERSON: His threats are not.

Panel 8: Same as Panel 6, except the Bomber's face has fallen.

BOMBER: Drokk.

END OF PAGE

This next page would, of course, be Dredd and Anderson blowing the Bomber away.

Judge Anderson – Legacy – MK Stangeland Jr.

Judge Anderson – Legacy – MK Stangeland Jr.

(7 Panels)

Panel 1: JUDGE ANDERSON is standing with her younger clone, JUDGE ANDERS. JUDGE ANDERSON looks old, is wearing an instructor’s outfit instead of a JUDGE’s uniform, and is standing with the aid of a cane. JUDGE ANDERS looks like a very young JUDGE ANDERSON. No words are coming out of their mouths, but they are looking at each other as though they’re still having a conversation anyway.

Panel 2: JUDGE DREDD’s head as he looks on.

Panel 3: JUDGE ANDERSON and JUDGE ANDERS are seen from over JUDGE DREDD’s shoulder. JUDGE ANDERSON and JUDGE ANDERS have a hand on each others shoulders.

Panel 4: JUDGE ANDERS approaches JUDGE DREDD. She is in the process of putting her helmet on.

JUDGE DREDD: …

JUDGE ANDERS: (Interrupting Judge Dredd.) It’s because I’m her clone.

Panel 5: JUDGE DREDD looks like he’s attempting to say something else, but is a second time cut off.

JUDGE DREDD: …

JUDGE ANDERS: (Again interrupting.) You were going to say I look just like her.

JUDGE DREDD: …

JUDGE ANDERS: Psychic conversation. That’s also how I’m answering your questions before you ask them.

Panel 6: JUDGE DREDD does not look amused. JUDGE ANDERS looks apologetic.

JUDGE ANDERS (1): Sorry.

JUDGE ANDERS (2): Sir.

JUDGE DREDD: I don’t like people inside my head.

Panel 7: JUDGE DREDD looks at JUDGE ANDERS as they walk side by and points at her.

JUDGE DREDD: You may look like her, but so far you’re not acting like her.

(END PAGE)

Judge Anderson -Peace At Last- Dan Hill

As it's appropriate I purposefully tried to ape Wagner's style and formatting here.

PAGE ONE

All of the panels bar the last one are filled with disembodied balloons that almost crowd out the art.

1. CLOSE UP on a digital alarm clock going off on a bedside table. We’re in an apartment, bathed in shadow.

FX: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

VOICE: --BREAKFAST, ANYWAY--

VOICE: --JUST ONE SUGAR--

VOICE: --TELL ME TO WAKE UP--

2. Fixed panel. A female hand from the left side of the panel slams down on the alarm clock.

FX: BEEP--

VOICE: --EVERY DAY WITH THIS--

VOICE: --I SAID WAKE UP!--

VOICE: --GONNA BE LATE--

3. Cut to Anderson in a small white, pristine bathroom. She looks into the bathroom mirror, brushing her teeth.

VOICE: --I’M ON TIME--

VOICE: --WE’LL SPEAK LATER--

VOICE: --I’M AWAKE!--

4. One of Anderson’s boots from her Judge uniform sits in the foreground of the panel as she pulls it on. In the background we can see a locker room.

VOICE: --DON’T FORGET--

VOICE: --I LOVE YOU--

VOICE: --YOU NEVER LISTEN--

5. Anderson, in full Judge uniform, rides towards us on her Lawmaster down the streets of Mega City One.

VOICE: --JUDGES ARE ALREADY THERE--

VOICE: --JUST ANOTHER RIOT--

VOICE: --SO TIRED OF THIS--

6. Tight on Anderson standing in the street with Dredd. Both of them are looking up at the block towering above them. Debris and missiles rain down towards them. In the background we can see other Judges and a cordon keeping out inquisitive civilians.

VOICE: --THEY’RE DOWN THERE--

VOICE: --I SEE ‘EM!--

VOICE: --GET READY--

CAPTION: FINALLY...

7. Wide panel. Tight on Anderson and Dredd as they burst through an apartment door somewhere high up in the block. Both of them have their Lawgiver's drawn and are firing wildly.

CAPTION: ...PEACE AT LAST.

FX: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

Judge Anderson - Out to Lunch - Grant McLaughlin

1 - A wide shot of a huge cafeteria.  It's virtually empty, with only a few Psi-Judges sitting at tables or ordering food.

CAPTION (JUDGE ANDERSON) (1): The Cafeteria of the Grand Hall of Justice.

CAPTION (JUDGE ANDERSON) (2): You don't need to be a precog to know it's only people from Psi-Division who eat here.

2 - A look behind the cafeteria counter.  It's a labyrinth of computers, machines, wires, blinking lights, and miscellaneous mechanics that is difficul to make heads or tails of.  Let's say its appearance has more in common with a torture chamber than it does a kitchen.

CAPTION (JUDGE ANDERSON) (1): Years ago, the entire cafeteria staff was replaced with an intricate computer system.

CAPTION (JUDGE ANDERSON) (2): Done in the name of efficiency, the problem was that all the food the computer made was completely inedible.

3 - Judge Anderson stands at the front of the queue, ordering her food.  The cafeteria computer serves up a brick of black and brown goo that looks wholly unappetizing.  Judge Anderson wears a look of mild disgust on her face.

CAPTION (JUDGE ANDERSON) (1): And due to some programming glitch, what you ordered had no relation to what you ended up getting.

JUDGE ANDERSON: I'll have a grilled cheese.

CAF COMPUTER: Here is your [error: entry not found].

CAPTION (JUDGE ANDERSON) (2): There's literally no way to know what you'll be eating.

4 - Judge Anderson sits down at a table with some other Psi-Judges.  They look up to her questioningly.  She looks back with a face beaming excitement.

CAPTION (JUDGE ANDERSON) (1): What keeps everyone else away keeps us coming back day after day.

MISC JUDGE: What'd you get?

JUDGE ANDERSON: I have no idea.

CAPTION (JUDGE ANDERSON): When you can see the future and read people's minds, that tiny bit of unpredictability makes it worth eating this sorry excuse for food.

5 - Judge Anderson takes a bite of her brick of goo.  It's super gross and her face reflects this fact.  She tries her best not to gag.  The other Psi-Judges around the table are having similar difficulties with the awful food that they're trying to keep down, with many of them turning various shades of green.

CAPTION (JUDGE ANDERSON): ...most of the time.

Judge Anderson - Rebirth - Ben Rosenthal

1. A badly beaten and ageing Judge Anderson is slumped against a wall. An unseen figurepountspistol at her face. 

CAPTION (Judge Anderson)

I saw this coming.

2. A close up of Judge Anderson's badly swollen face.  She is looking up at the pistol through bruised eyelids.

CAPTION (Judge Anderson)

I saw it again and again. Played out in every single  way.

3. Same as Panel 2, however a brilliant white light now pours from Judge Anderson's eye sockets. 

CAPTION (Judge Anderson)

Except for this.

Judge Anderson – To Sleep Perchance To Dream – Shaun Richens.

PAGE ONE

5 PANELS.

1. A page wide panel. The sprawling, industrial mass of twisting metal that is Mega City One dominates the panel. A full moon hangs low in the sky. Pockets of smoke billow from the streets of this decaying metropolis. To the left hand side of the panel the Grand Hall of Justice stands as the only symbol of law in the city.

         CAPTION JUDGE ANDERSON:

The noise of four hundred million people is enough to keep anyone awake.

2. We pull in on the Grand Hall of Justice.

         NO COPY

3. Pulling in even tighter on the building, we are now outside of a window looking in on an apartment bedroom. This is JUDGE ANDERSONs home. We can see a figure lying in bed. It is ANDERSON.

         NO COPY.

4. We are inside her room now. Looking down from above at her in bed. Her eyes are open looking up at us. Her body modestly covered. Her hair flows around the pillows cushioning her head.

         CAPTION JUDGE ANDERSON:

         But it’s the noise in here that keeps me awake.

5. Same angle as 4. We have now pulled in closer on ANDERSON. Her face in pain, eyes closed tight. All around her head are psychic visions, Dark Judges killing innocents, Anderson sees herself in a coma, Visions of her fellow Judges torn and broken. All of this torments her mind.

         NO COPY.

Why Judge Anderson?

Sylvester Stallone.

Yep him. His portrayal of Judge Dredd in the 1995 film of the same name is the only experience I had had with the world in which this week’s character inhabits. So not a promising start then.  

However with Judge Anderson being the pick for the week, and the co-star in the new Dredd flick, I dove in to research mode.

So why Judge Anderson I hear you ask. Well I’ll tell you what I’ve learnt on my quest to understand her and it will become very clear why Judge Anderson.

It is her differences to Judge Joseph Dredd that make her a much richer and frankly more interesting character to work with than I had expected. In contrast to Dredd, Judge Anderson isn’t a cog in the judicial system of Mega-City One; she can see its flaws and tries to over come them. She is strong willed and persistent. Normally going against the grain of such a vast and all encompassing law enforcement agency would bring you only trouble, and well it does, however Anderson happens to be so damn good at her job, that consequences for her actions are never that bad. Also in comparison to the straightforward, somewhat cold Dredd, Anderson has a sense of humour; she can be warm and friendly, she forms real and personal relationships. She also shows fear, doubt and remorse. It is these human aspects of the character that make her so compelling, especially when you consider the very dark and lawless vision of the future in which she inhabits.

Furthermore Judge Anderson isn’t just your average Judge; she works as part of the Psi-Division. This department deals in supernatural phenomena, making use of Judges with a variety of psychic abilities.

So we are dealing with a complex, deep human character in a dangerous world in which she is the law. Then add to that her innate psychic abilities, and we have a recipe for some explosive scripts.

So welcome to Mega City One, I hope you enjoy your stay.

As always anyone who wants to join in the fun and play along at home can. Just write your one page script about this week’s character and post it in the comments below. 

Taskmaster - Redemption Road Revisited - Ray Wonsowski

Ok, I have to apologize here, since this is an odd continuation - I humbly ask for your indulgence....

Way back in March, when I was sending tryout scripts during the Avengers months, I sent this one for Hawkeye.  It's an idea that I've been bopping about for almost 2 years now, that I've called Redemption Road (skip ahead if you read it already or just want to get to the Taskmaster part...):

The Premise: Electro finds out he has a daughter, and when he gets out of prison, he really tries to go straight after his baby girl's mom dies. Desperate, he goes back to his old ways and gets caught by Spider-Man and Hawkeye during an armoured car heist. Hawkeye secures him, and instead of calling the authorities, offers to make Electro an Avenger.  Spidey and Hawkeye are now standing on a roof for some privacy. Electro is bound and sitting.

Panel 1:
SPIDEY (incredulous): What?!?
HAWKEYE: I'm serious, Max. Position's yours if you want it. We could always use someone with your firepower...

Panel 2:
SPIDEY (pleading with Hawkeye): Dude! Do you know how many rounds I've gone with this jamoke?!? He's a career criminal!
HAWKEYE: So was I.

Panel 3: Hawkeye squatting down on his toes, so that he's eye to eye with Electro.
HAWKEYE: I was a two-bit thief with a third rate gimmick who thought he could go toe-to-toe with Iron Man. I was an idiot.
HAWKEYE: And then one day, when him and Thor and Ant-or-Giant-Man all cut and run, Captain America came to me and asked me to save the world.
HAWKEYE: Me, and Magneto's kids.

Panel 4: Electro's face - he looks torn.
HAWKEYE: You think about that for a sec. The trust, the faith that took. To look at an Olympic-sized failure and two budding terrorists, and ask them to be better.
HAWKEYE: You think of the fecal matter I had to swallow from the press, from old punk buddies, from my probation officer, until I had proved myself not just as a hero, but an Avenger. Big Time.
HAWKEYE: Think about your daughter. Do you want to see her taken by Social Services, visiting you from the other side of a plexiglass window? Or do you want to be a real father?

Panel 5: Hawkeye leans in on Electro closer. Electro is beginning to break.
HAWKEYE: You remember when you realized your mom didn't want you, when she left you, first from the heart, then the room. I went through that same thing. Your baby's an innocent. It's your responsibility to protect her.

Panel 6: Hawkeye from Electro's POV, towering over him.
HAWKEYE: That's what we do. We protect the innocent. If we can't, we avenge them.
HAWKEYE: I believe in you, Max. Like Cap believed in me.
HAWKEYE: Except I don't want you to prove you're a hero. I want you to prove to me you're a man.

So, here we are an issue later. Electro (Max Dillon) has turned down the Avengers gig (for now), and has decided to be a metahuman "skip tracer": when a supervillain goes fugitive and misses their court date, Dillon goes after them, bounty-hunting. Picture a cross between Dog and deNiro in "Midnight Run". After his first trace goes really, REALLY wrong, he goes to get professional help from Hawkeye, who sends him...THE TASKMASTER.



Panel 1: TASKMASTER and MAX (Electro) sitting in Max's apartment. It's run-down and humble, with the Clinton (Hell's Kitchen) skyline in the window. They are sitting at a folding card table in plastic patio chairs. The floor is matte black. Between them are two chipped mugs of coffee, a pile of restaurant sugar and creamer packets, a dishtowel, and a jar of Nescafe instant coffee. A pot of boiled water sits steaming on a hotplate. There is also a folding playpen set up behind MAX. TASKMASTER is in full costume. MAX is barefoot, in blue jeans, and wearing a dark green bowling shirt with two wide yellow stripes down the front (reminiscent of his old costume). His head is shaved, and has the scars on his face that he got in "the Gauntlet" storyline:

He also has his baby daughter, TESS, cradled in his left arm, feeding her a bottle of formula with his right.  His body language should be self-conscious and uncomfortable, but more assured in what he's doing with his baby.  The baby's hands should touch Max's hands, not the bottle.
TASKMASTER has a manila file of photographs in front of him, with a USB stick drive on top of it.  He is resting his coffee cup on the table, gesturing to the file and drive.

TASKMASTER:  ...so after talking with Barton and your attorney, Mr. Murdock, I went over your material.  You are quite possibly, Max, potentially as powerful as Magneto.  You pack a tremendous amount of power...

MAX:  Thanks.

Panel 2 - Same as Panel 1, except TASKMASTER leans back on the chair's back legs, pointing a gloved hand at MAX.

TASKMASTER:  You're also absolute crap in a fight.  Spider-Man has, more often than not, knocked you out in one punch.  You've got a glass jaw.

TASKMASTER:  Daredevil has also put you down quick.  In groups like the Sinister Six, you're likely the first to be getting the ten-count.

Panel 3 - Same as above, but MAX is looking down at TESS, who is pushing the bottle out of her mouth.  MAX is trying not to look ashamed.

TASKMASTER:  PowerPack beat you up once.  And your weakness is water.

TASKMASTER:  Water, Mr. Dillon.

Panel 4 - Same as above, but MAX is putting the baby bottle on the table as TASKMASTER passes him the dishtowel, his skull mask looks like it's smiling good-naturedly.

MAX:  ...er, yeah, well...

TASKMASTER:  Oh, no, no - please!  Believe me, I've trained worse.  You should see some of the lulus Hydra sends me.

TASKMASTER:  All things being equal, I think we can...

Panel 5 - Same as above, but MAX is putting the towel over his left shoulder while propping TESS up a little bit.  TASKMASTER is putting the stick drive in one of his pouches, while he opens the file.

MAX:  What are you thinking, fighting styles?  Kung-fu?  Boxing?

TASKMASTER:  Actually, I'm thinking the opposite.  I'm gonna teach you to fight dirty.

TASKMASTER:  I'm talking schoolyard dirty.  Eye-poking, ear-clapping, kick'em-in-the-yarbles dirty.  Three Stooges on a bender dirty.

Panel 6 - Same as above, but MAX is patting TESS's back, trying to burp her.  TASKMASTER's arms are wide in a gesture of explanation, as he leans further back on the rear chair legs.

MAX:  I dunno, man.  I mean my rep is low enough, do I wanna add "girly-slap" to my resumé?

TASKMASTER:  Look, you got a dangerous felon to bounty out.  That's not a criminal to you, or a wanted man.  That's your paycheck on its feet.  College tuition on two legs.

TASKMASTER:  Don't worry about trying to look all John Woo.  You need fast takedown, and stay-down, so you can get power-dampeners and cuffs on.  Before he finds a garden hose.

Panel 7 - Same as above, but...TESS burps, causing her to discharge a fair amount of electricity around her.  A lot of it feeds into MAX, who looks completely unfazed, but some knocks TASKMASTER off his chair, and his hood off his head.

TESS:  *bra-a-ap*

SFX:  KZZA-AKK!

Panel 8 - TASKMASTER is on the floor, eyes wide, his chair is skidded into the corner, and he is looking at, and running his hand over, the floor.  MAX is smiling/smirking crookedly at TESS as he cleans her mouth with the towel.  She is giggling.

MAX:  (to TESS) ...and that's why we don't go to children's birthday parties.

TASKMASTER:  I was wondering about the rubber flooring.

MAX:  (to TESS)  Papa's little joy-buzzer...

TESS:  *grggl*

...to be continued...

Taskmaster, Cut Faster - Niel Jacoby

To artist: go with what you think makes the best layout.

Panel 1: Taskmaster, Mysterio, El Toro Rojo, and Silencer are sitting at a table in the middle of a crowded Bar With No Name. A bottle of Bucky Beer is in Taskmaster's hand, and El Toro Rojo has a large bottle of Grey Goose. The bar is emphatically not bumpin', and absolutely cannot be said to be thumpin'. Mysterio is clearly nudging Taskmaster, and Silencer is leaning towards Taskmaster.

El Toro Rojo: MAAAAAAAN, THIS BAR IS LAME.

Mysterio: IF ONLY SOMEONE WERE AROUND TO LIVEN UP THE PROCEEDINGS.

Silencer: ...

Inset panel: Taskmaster looks like he's pretending to be very put upon to be asked, but still begrudgingly aquiescing. Maybe he's rolling his eyes.

Taskmaster: ALRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. I GUEEEEEEEEEEEEESS I'LL TRY SOME STUFF.

Panel 2: Taskmaster is walking across a stage, his progress shown by ghosted images of Spider-man and himself alternating He has a mic and is clearly drunk, but not crazy so. The one connected to the third balloon should be looking directly at the viewpoint.

Taskmaster: OOH, LOOK AT ME I'M SPIDER-MAN, I THINK I'M SO FUNNY. HEY PASTE-BOY, EASY ON THE WHITE STUFF, THIS SUIT'S TAILORED! OH MAN, LOOK AT ME SWING AROUND AND PUNCH FURRIES, I'M SO RAD.

Taskmaster: ON THE SIDE I GET SOME FROM A SEXY CAT BURGLAR AND I STILL WHINE ABOUT HOW I CAN'T GET PLAY, MAYBE BECAUSE I SOLD THE DEVIL MY MARRAIGE TO MY HOT WIFE SO MY OLD-ASS GRANDMOTHER WOULDN'T DIE OF A FRIGGIN' GUNSHOT WOUND.

Taskmaster(this is the one where he's looking at the viewpoint): YEAH, I SAID IT. WHATCHA GONNA DO, DORK-BOY?

Taskmaster: YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE BEEN GUNSHOT WOUNDED? I DON'T, BECAUSE I GET GUNSHOT WOUNDED ALL THE DAMN TIME! IT'S ALMOST PART OF MY BALANCED BREAKFAST AT THIS POINT.

Panel 3: Taskmaster is doing one-handed vertical pushups while beer-bonging. An image of Captain America is ghosted clearly next to him to show who he's taking the skills from. The supervillains in the bar look on.

Many of the supervillains in the crowd: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

Panel 4: Taskmaster is cutting it up on the wheels of steel, and is fully domed on the sauce by this point, bubbles, swaying, and all. At least 2 DJs are ghosted with him. The crowd is hyped and Mysterio has a mic and has opened his fishbowl as a fog machine

SFX: DEEJAYING NOISES(not what I actually want in there, maybe some music notes and scritchy-scratch noises, go with what you go with)

Mysterio:
YEAH YEAH YEAH!
AND YOU DON'T STOP!
TASKMASTER, HE DON'T STOP!
HE PROBABLY WON'T STOP!
I'D LIKE TO KNOW IF HE CAN STOP!
HE GOES ON!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mysterio: LIKE A MARATHON!