Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Murder Book- 'Off' Switch -Dan Hill

I may have gone 'off reservation' with this one. The scope is so wide this week and I really wanted to try and do something that would be 'complete' and function by itself as a single page. I also shamelessly 'stole' from Blazing Combat with some of my panel choices. Ahem.


Page One

We OPEN on a CLOSE UP of a ten year old BOY looking towards CAMERA whilst clutching a HUNTING RIFLE nervously. He’s dressed in a thick, warm looking lumberjack shirt and a woolen hat. Cold breath shoots from his mouth. The gloved hand of an ADULT rests on his shoulder reassuringly.

Go on son, you can do it.
Nothing but black.

Do it--


CUT TO a CLOSE UP on the same boy, now eighteen. His head is shaved and he’s wearing the fatigues of a U.S Marine.

On the left of the panel we can see the shoulder of a DRILL SERGEANT. Behind the boy we can see other RECRUITS, all facing forwards, backs ramrod straight.

--do as I say and repeat after me--

CUT TO the boy, now a bit older. He’s wearing desert combat gear and lying prone, looking down the scope of a HIGH POWERED RIFLE (the barrel pointing towards CAMERA).

--take the shot--

FIXED PANEL. The boy, now older, continues to look down the scope, now dressed in jungle combat gear.

--take the shot--

FIXED PANEL. The boy, older still, continuing to look down that scope, the combat gear now suited to arctic climes.

--take the shot.
Do it--

CUT TO to a CLOSE UP on the boy, now an empty shell of a man looking towards CAMERA, clutching a HUNTING RIFLE. 
He’s dressed in a thick, warm looking lumberjack shirt and a woollen hat. He has spatters of blood across his vacant face and there are no reassuring hands on his shoulder. Above him a helicopter shines its SPOTLIGHT on him. Behind him we can see we’re in a shopping mall.

Don’t do it, son. Don’t do--

Black. Nothing.



  1. Goddaaaaaaaaaaamn. That is cold. Bleak and empty in the most crushing way.

  2. So much to love about this script. Firstly the way you convey the passage of time in both the repeating clothing motifs of Panels 1 and 7 plus the wonderful three panel sequence of 4,5 and 6 is perfectly handled, you give us a mans life story 5 panels.

    The set up of panel one leaves the readers imagination to run wild with the possibilities of whats going on. For me I took the adult to be his Father which made the use of Son in that last line pack even more of a punch.

    Going out on that black panel was a class move, with a page as dark as this one full of some very striking emotional scenes letting the things fade out and linger was much more powerful than any panel description could have been.

  3. Haunting. Simply haunting.

    A beautifully tragic snapshot of one man's life and how simple moment's from one's youth can become so totally and utterly poisoned by time.


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