Thursday, October 4, 2012

Spider Jerusalem –Dirty Hands - Shaun Richens.

Page One.

567 – These panels can be really small.

1.Establishing shot. We stand outside off a ranch. A big open archway is the centre of the panel with the sign – Freedom Ranch – arched across the top. It’s a hot day and the sun beats down. The ranch is a huge building in the distance with a simple fence running around it, the fence offers little protection but the Ranch itself looks deceptively well fortified. Stood with his back to us just outside the archway is SPIDER JERUSALEM. Four figures can be seen walking towards him from the Ranch.

This was the worst month of my life.

Before I had the awful fortune to know the name Gary Callahan that is.

2. We pull in looking over SPIDER’s shoulder at the group of four people approaching him. The three who trail behind are skinny guys dressed in jeans and plaid shirts, they are all sweating and covered in dirty. The man at the head of the group is HANDSOME HARRY, although he is far from it. Bald and over weight, Harry is topless his belly hangs over his ripped jeans and his chest hair is covered in sweat. His face is wrinkled and he has a huge moustache.

         Welcome to my little slice of heaven Mr. Jerusalem.

         I hated the prick already and he hadn’t even tried 
         to kill me yet.

3. Close up on SPIDER he is breathing deep on his cigarette, smoke filling the air around him.

My publisher was keen for me to see the place after your unexpected invite.

First journalist ever allowed inside the ranch. What did I do to earn that honour?

4. Cut back to HANDSOME HARRY and his group. Harry wears a huge smug smile on his face.

Oh come on up to the Ranch, Handsome Harry will explain it all to you in good time.

He referred to himself in third person; I should have known he was an evil pompous cretin from that point on. I was younger and dumber back then I guess.

5. HANDSOME HARRY reaches out his hand to shake SPIDER’s.
         NO COPY.

6. SPIDER and HANDSOME HARRY shake hands.

         NO COPY.

7. HANDSOME HARRY rubs hand-sanitizing lotion into his hands.

         NO COPY.        

8. SPIDER walks under the archway with HANDSOME HARRY the three guys with him before arte closing the gates of the ranch behind him.

The hand sanitizer, that should have set my fucking nerves off. No man who apparently owns a ranch uses goddamn hand sanitizer. It was a Politician’s move.

I guess I should have thanked Harry for the shit he was about to pull. He made me wise to guys like him and Gary Callahan.

To late now I guess. Harry’s dead.


  1. Oh, man. This is a punchy introduction to what sounds like an awesome story. You pace the page perfectly here, and that hand sanitizer bit at the end is the perfect way to really hook the reader in after all of your excellent buildup. I'm dying to know the details here. Beautiful.

  2. The thing I like about your work is that you always hint that you have a much bigger story at play in your head than you put on here. This is the third or fourth time I've sat back and wondered what you would do with a full issue. Cool stuff.

    1. Thanks so much mate, I am pleased to hear that my hints at larger narratives don't annoy people. I can't help but flesh out a story with some characters to the point where it is bigger than anything I could do in a page.

  3. Nice page with a good touch of characterisation at the end there.


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