Thursday, October 18, 2012

Top Cow Talent Hunt – Blood and Snow - Shaun Richens.

Ok these are the first two pages of the first draft of my script for the hunt.

PAGE ONE.

5 PANELS.

111
234
555
555

1.A page wide panel. A lone figure climbs the steep incline of a snow-covered mountain. The figure is wrapped in thick clothes with a hood up over his head,in his hand is a sword wrapped up with cloth. Snow falls heavily all around.The panel is almost entirely white; the figure a speck of black, the sword he carries has a faint red flow to it.

         CAPTION:
         Forty-eight hours from now.

2.Pull in close on the figure. We are behind him as he grasps with his free hand to pull himself further on. Snow whips all around him

         NO COPY.

3.A close up on the wrapped up sword in the hooded figures hand. The red glow is growing stronger.

         NO COPY.

4.The hooded figure has just come over a peak, we are facing him but snow and the shade from the hood cover his face so we can’t see whom it is.

          NO COPY.

5.Over the shoulder shot of the hooded figure as he falls to his knees looking at the vast Shaolin temple that stands before him. The temple looks like this,it is crafted into the very rock of the mountain and is covered in snow. The stairs leading up to it roll out from the position of the hooded man.

         NO COPY.

PAGE TWO

A full-page splash.

Thedoors to the Temple have been kicked wide open, snow pours into the large central room of the temple, Shaolin monks look to the door in shock, the firepits all around the chamber blow as the mountain wind rushes in.

Standing in the doorway, hood now blown down, holding the Blood Sword in one hand and its wrappings in the other is a very cold and pissed off looking Ian Nottingham.

         NOTTINGHAM:
         Where the fuck is Michael Finnegan?
         (Linked)
         NOTTINGHAM:
         My sword told me he was here.



12 comments:

  1. A very interesting opening 2(!) pages Shaun - you may win the talent hunt, but you broke the rules here :P I will forgive you this time :)

    If I may offer one small piece of advice - you could probably do page 1 in 3 panels. I understand you are trying to make it seem like a long and dangerous trek, but there really is no pay off to it. Fell free to ignore me though, I'm only speaking of personal preference.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for letting me off. I wanted to have the page turn reveal in and as it's a splash page I just went with it. :)

      As always your thoughts shall be taken on board Mr Rosenthal.

      Delete
  2. Now I feel bad, since I'm planning on using Michael Finnegan too, and that probably means we're going to be in direct competition with each other. <__<

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    Replies
    1. Hey man if I am going to get beaten by anyone I'd rather it be one of my fellow Thoughtballooners.

      Delete
  3. I'm definitely the kind of guy who likes that extending the moment through multiple panels styling, so I'd vote to keep it. I'd almost suggest having the subsequent panels being cumulatively smaller to show the passing time and the struggle, then to that big panel 5 for the temple reveal. But again, it's just me.

    Otherwise, it's a cool opening. I also happen to be a fan of the in medias res start, so lots of points from me.

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  4. The script actually threw me a curve, because the mention of the Shaolin led me to believe Ji Xi and the 13th Artifact. Great twist!

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  5. That final line came off a little funnier than you may have intended.

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    Replies
    1. Haha I feel you might be right. Re reading that line with that in mind did make me laugh. This line has already seen a rewrite for a different reason luckily.

      Delete
  6. I was thrown by the setting too. Nice buildup to that last shot. I tend to agree though that you could have parsed out or combined some of the panels to have that last panel/reveal be on the same page though.

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    Replies
    1. I hope the setting throwing you wasn't a bad thing Mr Hill?

      As for the drawn out opening page, it was actually your breakdown of Whiteout that prompted me to go with, the extra panels make the reader take in the environment and the struggle of Nottingham much more than a pacer set up, I feel anyway.

      Delete
  7. As always big thanks to all of your guys for the feedback.

    ReplyDelete

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