Friday, November 2, 2012

Murder Book - Greetings from Asbury Park - R.A.Wonsowski

LAYOUT:

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Panel 1 - Across the top of the page, a sunny exterior shot of New Jersey Department of Corrections Riverfront State Prison.

CAPTION:  You know what I miss, it's the shlyukhi na plyazhe.


Panel 2 - In the prison cafeteria, a burly mid-50's Russian thug with a shaved head and Cyrillic tats on his exposed arms (NICKY) is "holding court", talking to a crowd of young gangbangers.  He's enjoying being the big man, and the 'bangers are enjoying the cameraderie.

NICKY:  The whores on the shore.  String bikinis on oiled skin.  Young girls on spring break or summer vacation.  

NICKY:  A different girl every day, twice a day.  I remember everything about them but their names...


Panel 3 - Same as Panel 2, but a couple 'bangers have put their hands in their pockets.

NICKY:  You homeboys can keep your fat-assed women.  You like "junk in the trunk", you should see Russian trash.

NICKY:  Me, I have my type.


Panel 4 - Same as Panel 3, but the gangbangers are slowly pulling toothbrushes sharpened to a point on the end, without NICKY noticing; he's enjoying the memory tape in his head, his hands held in front of his chest palms curved in a gesture of his favourite part of the female anatomy.

NICKY:  Great big grud', high school candy, and naive as hell.

GANGBANGER:  (no pointer on the balloon)  So we been told.


Panel 5 - Same as Panel 4, but NICKY's face is confused, and he's starting to sweat.  All the gangbangers have their toothbrush shanks out.

NO COPY


Panel 6 - Dog pile of 'bangers on NICKY.  Blood is flying everywhere as they shank him.  One lone Hispanic-looking gangbanger (RUIZ) is slipping out the cafeteria door as the guards start towards the pile.

NO COPY


Panel 7 - RUIZ holds the prison payphone receiver to his ear as he dials a number.  Guards in riot gear run past in the background.

NO COPY


Panel 8 - Russian man with a crewcut in a good suit, but the jacket unbuttoned and the tie and collar unblocked, standing in front of the Wonder Bar (photo ref found at http://www.ijamming.net/?p=1161answers his cellphone.  The cellphone hides his face.

MAN:  Da?

RUIZ (over the phone):  Termino.

MAN:  Spasibo.

4 comments:

  1. Sorry! I hit "Publish" before I scheduled! My Bad!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your characterisation of Nicky is really nice, he has his own personality from his dialogue and gestures you get a really good grip on him.

    The way you switch focus at the end to Ruiz is a nice turn on the narrative with a great final beat to end on with the hidden suited man on the phone. Also love the look of The Wonder Bar as a location,it makes for a real juxtaposition from the prison.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'll echo Shuan's comments here, Ray. The transition is especially impressive considering how Nikcy was talking about how he misses the way things was, you off him, and then jump to the very location he was talking about, newly renovated. Very nice.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great page.

    As I was reading it I thought it was running a little long panels wise, but you cut back on the dialogue and tie it all up smoothly.

    Great transition in locations too (not many people switch locations up in the middle of a page-- Miller was a master at it).

    ReplyDelete

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