Friday, March 22, 2013

Peanuts - So It Begins... - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: Mid-shot of Lucy, kneeling and holding the football, waiting for Charlie (off-panel) to kick it. A little angel of herself is on her right shoulder. Lucy is smiling.

ANGEL: What a great idea! A friendly little game of football. I bet Charlie kicks it so far; that'd be super!

Panel 2: Closer on Lucy, just her head and shoulders. A tiny devil version of her has appeared on her left shoulder in a puff of smoke. Lucy looks at the devil, blank-faced.

DEVIL: Of course, it would be a shame if someone... spoiled that for him. Maybe by moving the football at the last second?

SFX: poof

Panel 3: The angel waves her arms in panic. Lucy looks at the angel now, unsure.

ANGEL: No! That would be terrible! Charlie would slip and fall!

Panel 4: The devil shrugs, Lucy looking at her.

DEVIL: Exactly. Hilarious.

Panel 5: Lucy and the devil look back to the angel, who is deep in thought.


Panel 6: The angel shrugs. Lucy and the devil have wicked expressions.

ANGEL: I got nothing. Go for it.



  1. Fun melding of two well known set ups, the football scene from Peanuts and the angel and devil gig. I think the thought that this plays though her head every time.

    I think you make a fun choice in that last panel by having the angel kind of just go with it, it has a mischievous quality to it that works perfectly.

    However the page felt a little long to be honest. I think it could have been fitted into a 4 panel peanuts page and worked at a nicer pace. Just my thoughts though.

    1. On the other hand, it makes for a good Sunday strip. Nice piece.

  2. As Shaun says, you do a fine job of mixing both the football gag and the angel/devil gag. I definitely enjoyed the pause in panel 5, but I'm a huge sucker for that kind of thing.

  3. In response to both Grant and Shaun, I think it could go either way.

    On the one hand, it works as it as a straight up script. On the other hand, if one theoretically wanted to bring it more in line with a 3/4 panel Peanuts script (or to simply save space), it doesn't look like it would be that hard to combine some of the panels to make it shorter.

  4. I liked this one. You got the tone of the strip down pat, I think.

    The last panel was great.


Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.