PAGE ONE – 4 PANELS.
1.
A referee in a black and white striped
top is on his hands and knees in the middle of the ring. His arm raised high
ready to slam down to start the pin count.
We can see rows and rows of
fans in the crowd; they all hold their breath, as time seems to slow.
NO COPY.
2.
The same as 1. However now we pull in
closer on the referee, his hand now flat on the mat.
CAPTION: One.
3.
Pull in even closer on the hand of the
referee has it hits down onto the ring mat.
CAPTION: Two.
4.
Tight on the referee’s hand an inch from
hitting the canvas.
CAPTION: I kick out.
I can't say I'm a fan of this one. There's not a lot of drama to be felt when I really can't connect with whoever's in the ring, and I'm not sure what the final caption means, either.
ReplyDeleteI was trying to capture that drama in the moment the referee is making the three count, and how that last hand fall is the world of differences. I went for the repeat panel style as a way to try and slow down time and make each count have weight. Maybe it didn't work as I'd hoped.
DeleteAs for the last caption it is that the wrestling being pinned and about to lose has kicked out of the pin position meaning the matches isn't over yet. This was my attempt to show that at an event like Wrestlemania you have to dig down deep for the win on the night of the immortals.
I actually kind of dug this script, Shaun. I like what you're going for with the dramatic tension of the 3-count. I'd possibly suggest throwing a caption into the first panel to set the scene a little bit (or talk about the need to dig deep or whatever), but I feel like the page could work as is a lot better in the context of a larger story
ReplyDeleteI agree with Grant here. Working some more panels into this script and adding a "face" for the audience to latch onto would have made for a stronger sell of the concept here I think.
ReplyDelete