Friday, April 5, 2013

Wrestlemania - Pugiliarchy - J.D. Coughlan


Panel 1: Wide shot of the U.S. Senate chambers, except there is a space in the middle with a wrestling ring in it. The crowd also holds up banners (not facing the reader here, but feel free to fill them in as you see fit in the background of other panels). A referee stands in the centre of the ring with a microphone, gesturing to the left. The President, a large bald man in conventional wrestling garb (including an impressive cape and gold belt with the Presidential Seal on it), enters from the left, holding up his hands in triumph as the crowd goes wild.

REFEREE: Ladieeees and gentlemeeeeeen! I present to you our long standing CHAMP-I-ONNNNN! Our Commander-in-Chief-of-Pain! The Head Honcho of State! The Awesome American himself: PRESIDENT WRECKING BALL BOLTON!

 SFX (CROWD): YEAH! WOO! BOLTON!

 Panel 2: Same, but Wrecking Ball Bolton stands with his arms folded in his corner, and the Ref gestures now to the right. The rival Senator, a gruffer-looking wrestler (no cape or belt), enters from the right, sneering at the crowd.

REFEREE: And his challenger, the contend-AH from Montan-AH -- SENATOR RED HOT IRONS!

 SFX (CROWD): BOO! SSSSS! GO HOME!

Panel 3: Close on Red Hot Irons as he grabs the mic out the Ref's hand and shouts angrily into it.

IRONS: I'm here to tell you, Mr. President, that your healthcare policy needs someone to lay the smackdown on it! And you've made our military as weak as your girly little arms! You're old news, Pres, and I'm here to impeach you a lesson!

SFX (CROWD): OOOOOOOOH!

Panel 4: Close on Wrecking Ball Bolton as he calmly offers his rebuttal.

BOLTON: I put it to my honourable rival that while I find his accusatory opinions respectable, I must disagree with them, as the good Senator is, in fact, dumber than a sack of hairy rocks!

 SFX (CROWD): WOOOO! HELL YEAH! CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP

Panel 5: Another wide shot of the ring, Irons and Bolton glare at each other. The Ref stands in the middle, gesturing madly again.

REFEREE: This can only mean one thing, ladies and gentlemen...

REFEREE: (large) ELECTION OR EJECTION!

 REFEREE: Lllllllleeeeeeeeets get readdddyyyyy tooooooo rrrrrrrrrrrrrrummmmmmblllllllllllllllle!!!!

END OF PAGE
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5 comments:

  1. Shaun RichensApril 5, 2013 at 3:19 AM

    Funny concept and set up that works really well in the backdrop of a wrestling event.

    The dialogue is funny and you nail the wrestling fan reaction. I totally dug this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MK Stangeland Jr.April 5, 2013 at 12:37 PM

    There's a small part of me that wishes this script were a more accurate representation of the US political process than it is.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Grant McLaughlinApril 7, 2013 at 4:42 AM

    "Impeach you a lesson" is amazing. 'Nuff said.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Brian MantonApril 8, 2013 at 9:47 PM

    Reminded me of Idiocracy :)

    Nice page.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dan HillApril 10, 2013 at 2:49 AM

    Great comedic script and, yeah, "Impeach you a lesson" is fantastic.

    ReplyDelete

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