Thursday, May 30, 2013

Planetary – New Archaeologists For A Whole New Dig - Shaun Richens.


PAGE ONE – 4 PANELS
Layout.
111
222
333
444

1. A MAN sits in shadow behind a desk. Only his hands clasped together on the desk in front of him and the eerie white glow of his eyes can be seen through the shadow.

The desk is expensive and lavish, made of dark wood.

The man’s eyes look straight at us, straight through us.

THE MAN: Roswell, global warming, the moon landing, all that giant monster shit in Tokyo…

2. Repeat panel. However the mans face has moved forward slightly. We can see his jaw line and his pearly white teeth as a grin moves over his face.

THE MAN: It’s all true. No bullshit.

3. Repeat panel. However now the man’s smile has faded and his eyes narrowed.

THE MAN: The only reason the world knows anything about this is because the government wants them to.

THE MAN: Scraps of information to keep the people busy.

THE MAN: Lies hidden with truth.

4. Repeat panel. However now the man has his hand out stretched towards us, ready to shake our hands.

THE MAN: Welcome to Planetary. I hope you can handle the real truth ‘cus you wont be quitting. 


9 comments:

  1. I keep hearing "You won't be quitting" and that 'you're in whether you want to or not" and "Even if you quit tomorrow, which you won't", the more it sounds like a dare or reverse psychology which evokes the reaction of "Oh yeah? Won't quit, huh? Well, I'll show you! I'm outta here, losers!" :^b

    If I hadn't written and posted my script already, it would probably take a direction roughly along those lines at this point.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This has a good slow build and would well as a first page/intro.

    It's a tease/tip of the iceberg type deal which tallies nicely with the Planetary mission statement.

    Ellis' pitch document is a great read!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://home.earthlink.net/~rkkman/frames/summaries/Sproposal.htm

      Delete
    2. Thanks for the link guys really interesting read!

      Delete
  3. I tell you what, this would be a great set-up for a relaunch. I always was a sucker for the tale-in-the-second-person bit, and I like the threatening mood from the man in shadow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad you thought so. I didn't have anything to add to the old run so wanted to see how I could handle a new team start up.

      Delete
  4. Good set up Shaun.

    Anyone else love those team building sequences when Prof X would go and set up a new team of X-Men? (because he'd gotten the last lot eaten by a sentient island, or something similar depending on the decade)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brilliant ominous step-up of the orginal concept.

    ReplyDelete

Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
-OR-
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.