Friday, June 21, 2013

General Zod - Brains and Brawn - Niel Jacoby

1233
4444
4444
5678

Panel 1: Kel-Dar, Krypton's leading cyberneticist is working in his study late at night.

SFX: KNOK KNOK KNOK

Panel 2: Kel-Dar answers the door. Krypton's military leader, the esteemed General Dru-Zod, is standing before him, flanked by his flunkies.

Zod: HELLO, KEL-DAR  I HAVE BUSINESS TO DISCUSS, AND I'D PREFER TO DISCUSS IT MORE PRIVATELY.

Panel 3: Kel-Dar is still at the door, considering what Zod has said.

Zod: ...
(LINK)
YOU ARE GOING TO INVITE ME IN.

Inset panel: Zod enters, leaving his flunkies outside.
Zod: THANK YOU FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY.

Panel 4: Zod and Kel-Dar are sitting in Kel-Dar's living room. Kel-Dar is sitting in his chair, while Zod is just sort of sit-leaning on his armrest to sort of appear more physically dominant.

Zod: NOW, ABOUT THIS BUSINESS. YOU'RE CURRENTLY WORKING ON THE PLANETARY CENTRAL PLANNING SYSTEM, CODENAMED B.R.A.N.I.A.C.. YOU'RE GOING TO FIND A WAY TO WEAPONIZE IT, AND YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE IT TO THE KRYPTONIAN MILITARY.
(LINK)
I ASSUME YOU'LL BE WANTING COMPENSATION FOR YOUR WORK. CONSIDER NOT BEING BATTERED SENSELESS BY THE MEN OUTSIDE THE DOOR YOUR COMPENSATION.
(LINK)
NO QUESTIONS. GOOD.

Panel 5: Zod is walking out the door, his flunkies at his sides. We can see Kel-Dar still in his chair, looking towards the door.

Zod: WE HAVE AN AGREEMENT. MEN, SHOW HIM HIS PLACE.

Panel 6: Kel-Dar is getting up from his chair, panicked.

Kel-Dar: I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL!

Panel 7: We see Zod through the doorway.

Zod: WE DO.

Panel 8: Zod walks away, as the door closes. We're still seeing him through the doorway.

Zod: THEY'RE ONLY GOING TO BEAT YOU HALF-SENSELESS.

1 comment:

  1. While I like the idea behind this (esp. the Brainiac as Kryptonian Skynet vibe), there's a bit too much exposition in the dialogue here for my liking.

    Also, I'm not sure why the inset panel in p3 doesn't get it's own panel.

    ReplyDelete

Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
-OR-
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.