Thursday, June 6, 2013

Human Torch – Sibling Rivalry – Shaun Richens.


PAGE 22 – 6 PANELS.

22.1 Page wide panel. A beautiful cathedral. Stain glass windows line the old brick walls. Pools of light pour in. SUE STORM stands facing us. We see her from the shoulders up. One of her arms reaching out towards us, her hand up turned, the fingers squeezing the air.

Sue wears an elegant white brides dress, a small silver crown on her head and a matching silver choker necklace around her neck. A glowing green emerald sits in the centre of the necklace. Her eyes have a similar green glow. A cruel smile plays across her face as her eyes narrow.

SUE: Brother dearest I am so pleased you could make it for my big day.

22.2 Page wide panel. Reverse shot from behind Sue. She stands at the altar of the cathedral. VICTOR VON DOOM stands at her side. Rows and rows of empty seats spread out before the pair.

JOHNNY STORM hangs in the air inside a ball of kinetic energy made by Sue. Particles fizz around the bubble.

Johnny is in full flame.

SUE: Come to give me away?

JOHNNY: Sue, Doom has you out of your mind. Please listen to me.

22.3 Tight on Sue. She is squeezing her fingers even tighter together. Her face scrunched up.

SUE: No little brother listen to me.

22.4 The bubble around Johnny has gotten smaller. His flames are starting to go out as he burns through all the oxygen in the bubble. He looks weak.

JOHNNY: Koff.

22.5 Over Sue’s shoulder looking at Johnny. The bubble has vanished, his flames with them. He has landed hard on the floor. He kneels and rests on his hands, exhausted, gasping for air.

SUE: You have always burnt to bright Johnny. Now it’s my time to shine.

22.6 From behind Johnny, still on his knees we look up towards the altar. Sue has taken the hand of Doom.

DOOM: Stay down boy. Kneel for your new Queen.


5 comments:

  1. I almost - ALMOST - feel a bit of sympathy for Doom over what Sue's no doubt going to do to him once someone breaks her free of whatever it is he's done to her and she finds out about it.

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  2. It's a solid page, but I feel more could have been drawn from the Johnny-Sue relationship.

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  3. Love the page. Great 60's feel to the plot. You can just see the cover - SUE STORM MARRIES DR. DOOM??!!!!!
    (I assume it's not just me who reads all of those cover captions in Stan Lee's voice...)

    You say in p1 that it should be from the shoulders up, but I think you'd need a mid shot to show what you've described, esp. with the raised hand - if only to keep the composition right.

    Also, a suggestion (which you may have already had in your head) - you could note here that this would be a high angle looking down at Sue (Johnny's POV). Often, you might "shoot" from a low angle to convey power but the high angle might work here as she already looks powerful due to her atypical malicious pose/expression and she would be making eye contact directly "out" of the panel.



    p5 (or an interim panel) might need to show the moment of Johnny's impact with the floor to keep the storytelling flowing.



    You're dialogue for Sue is really fitting here. Slow, methodical and menacing. The only line that sounded a little off to me was her line in P2. Feels as though it should be grammatically complete to fit with her other lines:
    "Have you come to give me away?"


    I've just been scripting myself, so all of this is probably me being over analytical. YMMV

    There was some discussion in the comments during the Three Years week about giving feedback. I wonder if my comments here are too much of a "this is what I would have done". Hopefully not.


    Great work Shaun.

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  4. I like the Silver Age type feel of the page here. The notion of Sue's time to shine kind of fits with her depiction in the original Kirby/Lee run too.

    I'd chime in with maybe tweaking that 5th panel a bit might give the page a more dramatic weight by showing Johnny's impact.

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  5. Thanks for all the feedback guys.

    J.D I played on the brother sister thing a bit more in an earlier version but I kept coming across a bit hammy, so went for the less is more thing. Well tried to anyway.

    Brian and Dan good call on the Johnny's impact, perhaps an insert panel of the bubble bursting or johnny crashing just above the floor before the impact.

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