"The tepid terror slothfully probed the indigestible mermaids"
I'm sorry.
PAGE ONE
This is structured to be presented in one row of four panels like an old newspaper strip.
Panel 1
JAKE, wearing bits of a skeleton Halloween costume lies on a beach of a desert island somewhere out in the middle of the ocean. He looks exhausted and lazily crawls along the beach on all fours.
NO COPY
Panel 2
JAKE is further along the beach, approaching some rocks. We can see the tail of what looks like a LARGE FISH coming from the edge of the panel on the right.
NO COPY
Panel 3
JAKE is slumped over the rocks, lazily trying to sink his teeth into the fishes tail.
1. VOICE/off: Quit it.
Panel 4
We pan right slightly to see that the tail belongs to a MERMAID. She looks annoyingly at a drained JAKE who continues to try and eat the Mermaid’s tail.
2. MERMAID: Quit it.
3. JAKE: Stop moving.
Thats three for three this week. I've loved every script so far.
ReplyDeleteI dig how you used that randomly generated sentence for your basic in for the story, I didn't know they did it for the show, but like your page proves it clearly works well.
Your choice to do this in a news paper strip style makes the end punch line/gag really pop. I could see the whole script playing out on the page. Adventure time seems to fit the format very well.
The visuals you create with Finn dressed up, the way he pushes himself alone the beach and with the moving pan to reveal the mermaid just add to the fun dark comedy you have weaved here.
Nice page... we'll paced for a newspaper strip. "Stop moving" brings it home.
ReplyDelete