Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Attaché - Straight to the Top - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: Close up of a mirror in a couple's bedroom. The room (and rest of the house) is quite posh but not lavish. We see the reflection of Jim Summers; an athletic man in his late 30s, close-cropped hair. He is in a white shirt and is tying a black tie. He has a very concerned expression on his face as he watches his wife, in the mirror, get dressed behind him.

SUMMERS (CAP): A lot of people blame politicians for their problems.

Panel 2: Summers stands in his home's hallway, looking into the living room where his wife plays with his two children, a boy and a girl, aged between 5 and 10. He is in a full black suit now with an ID badge over his left breast, and is actively holding back tears.

SUMMERS (CAP): Most of the time, they're just blowing off steam, but sometimes they're right, yet they can do nothing about it.

Panel 3: Summers enters the living room, putting on a smiling face as he says goodbye to his family.

SUMMERS (CAP): But I've been put in a... unique situation where I can take revenge on the powerful man who ruined my life.

Panel 4: Summers going out the front door, waving to the wife and kids, still putting on his smile.

SUMMERS (CAP): My position has always provided me with the opportunity, I just needed an extra push...

Inset: Close-up of Summers' ID badge. It has his name, picture, and the words "SECRET SERVICE".


Panel 5: Back in Summers' bedroom. The Attache case lies open on the bed. The gun is gone, as are some bullets, but there is a photograph of Barack Obama clearly visible.

SUMMERS (CAP): Now I have it.



  1. Aw, man, now I have to know what happens next. Great set up to a great saga. Especially when you consider the whole Minutemen subplot of 100B. This would fit right in.
    One thing I would like to know is, seeing his family there, how was his life wrecked. Of course this may be revealed to us later...
    Great script this week...

    1. I kept trying to squeeze in the part about how he was wronged into the narration, but it just made things uneven, so I leave it to the reader's imagination. :D

  2. I really liked the idea of this BUT I think the script works without that last panel.

    As soon as I saw that Secret Service badge I connected the dots.

    1. Originally it was going to end with him driving up to the White House, but I figured I should get the actual attache case in there somewhere.

    2. I'm with Dan that you don't need the last panel. The penny drops when we see the secret service badge.
      Nice script!


Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.