Kick-Ass – Practically Superhuman – MK Stangeland Jr.

(6 Panels)

Panel 1: PRACTICALLY SUPERHUMAN (SUPERHUMAN) is zipping up a black jumpsuit.

TEXT BOX (1): ‘Superjournal’, Day 1.

TEXT BOX (2): When I said I was retiring to live a quiet life, I should have known that wouldn’t last.

Panel 2: SUPERHUMAN puts on a black ‘ninja’ mask.

TEXT BOX (1): But then this stupid kid – he calls himself ‘Kick @$$’, I think he’s just a ‘Dumb @$$’ – starts something.

TEXT BOX (2): He decides he wants to play ‘superhero’. And, like all dumb @$$ ideas in history, he gets imitators.

Panel 3: SUPERHUMAN is putting on a black bullet-proof vest.

TEXT BOX (1): I’m not one for comic books, but even I know that Superheroes require Supervillains. So naturally, his little movement spawns a bunch of them, too.

TEXT BOX (2): Now the villains want the heroes dead, the cops want the villains and their mob buddies gone, and there’s money to be found dealin’ with both.

Panel 4: SUPERHUMAN puts on a belt loaded with what looks like legitimately dangerous and useful gear  – a pistol with a laser sight and a silencer, various explosive devices, a combat knife, etc.

TEXT BOX (1): Me, of course, I made a living off of killing’ people before I retired.

TEXT BOX (2): I’ve done tours of duty, I’ve got special forces ninja training, done time in prison, all that crazy ****.

Panel 5: SUPERHUMAN readies a weapon that passes as a sniper rifle.

TEXT BOX (1): But even in middle age, I’m practically superhuman compared to most of these jokers. Like an evil kung-fu Batman or something.

TEXT BOX (2): Side Note: I might want to use that as a name if the subject comes up.

Panel 6: SUPERHUMAN stands tall, ready to go to work, armed and ready – his appearance should give him a very powerful ‘this guy is REALLY bad news’ vibe.

SUPERHUMAN (1): Killing costumed idiots for fun and profit?

SUPERHUMAN (2): Sounds like a fun retirement plan to me.

(END PAGE)