PAGE ONE
Panel 1
Wide panel; an establishing shot of New York City, circa 1904. The city looks familiar to us, but it’s not quite there yet. Unfinished, half way between civilized and lawlessness.
We’re looking out over the East River. It’s late morning, around 11:00AM. A speck or bright orange flame burns brightly inexplicably out on the water.
CAPTION: Everything’s changed so much, John.
CAPTION: This is the frontier now.
Panel 2
Wide; Closer in on the river. We can see the orange speck is a passenger steamer, the PS General Slocum. It’s ablaze, and begun to list, black smoke churning into the clear June sky. Passengers and crew scramble to save themselves.
CAPTION: I’m 43 years old.
CAPTION: I can’t do this forever.
Panel 3
Wide; CU on RUSS FREEMAN, a burly, mountain-like piece of work. He’s dressed in the clothes of a dockworker wiping away blood from his mouth with the back of his fist.
He’s somewhere on deck of the Slocum smoke billowing around him.
CAPTION: I worry about Brit.
FREEMAN: You’re old hat, Ranger.
FREEMAN/linked: Ain’t no room for you here no more.
Panel 4
Inset panel on the right of Panel 3; CLOSE UP on a silver star pinned to the lapel of a black duster. It’s scratched, old and covered in smoke.
FREEMAN/off: This city is gonna chew you up.
Panel 5
Large panel; we REVEAL Freeman’s antagonist, Dan Reid Jr, AKA THE RANGER, fists at the ready and standing on the tilting deck of the Slocum. His costume consists of a long black duster, a hat similar to the Lone Ranger’s and a domino mask. The costume looks like a hybrid of the Lone Ranger costume and the Green Hornet’s.
To the right of Reid, his fists also raised, is LOUIS. Louis is black, in his mid twenties and dressed in the garb of a steelworker, a domino mask covering the top half of his face too.
CAPTION: I worry I’ll be forgotten.
CAPTION: I’m trying, John.
CAPTION: I’m trying to make you proud.
Good use of the Ranger/Hornet mythos and creation of a "middle point" between the two. Although, while both elements work well in of themselves, I feel that the dramatic captions and the action clash a little. Very cool, though.
ReplyDeleteOverall I really like your premise for this page. The location and descriptions conjure up a truly vivid world for your heroes. I also LOVE that caption in panel 1, This is the frontier now.
ReplyDeleteHoever like JD I felt the captions didn't quite gel with the more pulpy action nature of your script. Although the captions are very well written, and with the right artist I could see it working.
First: like JD said, your midpoint between John and Britt is well done. Kudos to that.
ReplyDeleteSecond: once again, your love of history, and how you make that impact your use of setting, as well as how that historical point affects those characters, really shines through.
Third: the captions didn't bother me at all. It's that lingering question that haunts all fathers and sons: What kind of legacy am I leaving behind, or am I worthy to pick it up?
Nicely done, sir