NOTE: All captions are in the white space below the panel.
Panel 1 - Black panel.
Speech balloon (no tail): ...oh, man, my head
CAPTION: Waking up right now is Raymond Wonsowski.
Panel 2 - Black panel with a few blurry yellow spots.
Speech balloon (no tail): I think he's comin'round.
Speech balloon (no tail): Oh, my love...
CAPTION: A high school Literature teacher and aspiring writer of speculative fiction.
Panel 3 - Out of focus, staring up into a blue, sunny sky through the treetops.
Speech balloon (no tail): ...cheese is rice, what happened?
Speech balloon (tail left): That was some nasty fall you took.
Speech balloon (tail right): My love, I am SO relieved you're ok.
CAPTION: Like many of the creative who have yet to taste success, he rails against what he considers "celebrated mediocrity".
Panel 4 - Same as Panel 3, but in focus.
Speech balloon (no tail): Why is everything so bright?
Speech balloon (tail left): He's not ok
, you sack of hammers. He nearly cracked his head wide open...
CAPTION: He is genuinely perplexed by the popularity of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. He can't understand how Two and a Half Men
hasn't been cancelled yet.
Panel 5 - Same as Panel 4, except I have lifted my hand in front of my eyes. It is sparkling and glittery.
Speech balloon (no tail): ...uh, hold on...
Speech balloon (tail left): Here, mate, what's the last thing you remember?
CAPTION: The last thing he remembers is standing in front of his 9th grade English class, saying "Stephanie Meyer's moral is that girls have no worth unless they are in self-esteem-destroying relationships with fascinating, yet clingy, effeminate boyfriends who are only attracted to girls young enough to get him arrested."
Panel 6 - Same P.O.V., but now the wide-eyed, emotionless
Kristen Stewart "BELLA" is staring flat-faced
Speech balloon (no tail): ...aww, HELL
to the no!
"BELLA": I am so happy.
"BELLA" I'm not a real person without a boy to define me...
"BELLA" ...without you.
CAPTION: His pronouncement was followed by a series of severe kicks to the head by a gang of angry 15-year-old girls.
Panel 7 - Background, "JACOB BLACK", mopey and shirtless, all tan and abs, and "BELLA", in jeans and a "Team Edward" t-shirt, look on blankly at ME, who is glittering beautifully in the sunshine, vampire fangs bared, on my knees, screaming with despair at God in his Heaven for subjecting me to such a fate.
CAPTION: Only to find himself regain consciousness in...the "Twilight" Zone.
Hasta la vista, Mr. Hill. You will be missed.