Saturday, September 21, 2013

Predator - No Escape - R.A. Wonsowski


Panel 1 - The Amazon jungle.  Classic 2-shot.  MAJ. "DUTCH" SCHAEFER (left of panel) faces down the PREDATOR.  Both are holding very big knives.  However, in the PREDATOR's other hand is a pilfered Dimensional JUxtapositioning via Muon Particles (or D-Jump) control pad.  He activates it as "DUTCH" prepares to attack.

"DUTCH":  Bleed, bastard!!

SoundFX (D-Jump):  vooOP!

Panel 2 - Back alley somewhere in L.A.  Same positions, except "DUTCH" is now the T-800 TERMINATOR, holding two sawed-off shotguns.

T-800:  Hasta la vista...bay-bee!

SoundFX (D-Jump):  vooOP!

Panel 3 - In a cinderblock cellar/bunker.  Same positions, except the T-800 is now JOHN MATRIX (from Commando), levelling a SAW at the PREDATOR (who is now starting to look concerned).

MATRIX:  I eat Green Berets for breakfast!  And right now, I'm very hungry!

SoundFX (D-Jump):  vooOP!

Panel 4 - Rooftop in Gotham City.  Same positions, except now it's MR: FREEZE and his cold-gun.  The PREDATOR grows more frustrated.

MR. FREEZE:  Chill!!!

SoundFX (D-Jump):  vooOP!

Panel 5 - Abandoned movie theatre.  Now JACK SLATER and a giant revolver, cigar between his teeth.

SLATER:  Rubber baby buggy bumpers!

SoundFX (D-Jump):  vooOP!

Panel 6 - The desert of Hyborea.  CONAN, huge sword.  The PREDATOR now pounding the D-Jump with his fist.

CONAN:  Crush your enemies!  See them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women!

SoundFX (D-Jump):  vooOO-oowOOWooPbth!!!

Panel 7 - White background.  The PREDATOR, right, is now facing, left:  "DUTCH", the T-800, MATRIX, MR. FREEZE, SLATER, and CONAN, plus JOHN KIMBLE (from Kindergarten Cop), DOUGLAS QUAID (from 90's Total Recall) and TURBO-MAN (from Jingle All the Way), all of whom are about to jump PREDATOR's @$$.  The PREDATOR has an "I'm screwed" air about him, a kind of failure posture as the D-Jump smokes smashed in his hand.

KIMBLE:  It's not a too-mah!

TURBO-MAN:  It's Turbo Time!

QUAID:  Who the hell am I?!?

PREDATOR:  ¿#@&%!

CAPTION:   ....Th-th-th-that's all, folks!!!


  1. Really funny script Ray. Great idea.

    I think your last panel would land better without the "That's All Folks!"

  2. Love it. Best use of Arnold Schwarzenegger many movie personalities (and one-liners) that I've seen in a long time, which considering my love for his many roles, should be taken as high praise. :)


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