Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Twilight Zone - Mr. Average - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: Mid-shot of Denis Pierce, this segment's main character. He is, by all appearances, perfectly average. He is sitting at his breakfast table, staring blankly ahead, almost at us, eating his cereal. He wears an average blue suit and tie.

(Note: The Narrator's dialogue is all in caption boxes.)

NARRATOR: You are now entering the realm of the unusual; the strange. But observe, if you will, the lack of strangeness around Denis Pierce. The average American man.

Panel 2: Denis at his desk at work -- an office. He sits typing, same blank expression. His coworkers around him have similar expressions.

NARRATOR: He has an average job.

Panel 3: Denis sits on the couch in his den, his wife, son and daughter around him, watching TV. They also look average and have the same blank expressions. Denis is now dressed more casually, but a lot like Mr. Rogers, or your typical 1950s American TV dad.

NARRATOR: An average family.

Panel 4: A backyard barbecue, again with Denis at the centre, expressionlessly cooking burgers. He is surrounded by similar men.

NARRATOR: Average friends.

Panel 5: Same scene, closer on Denis, head and shoulders.

NARRATOR: But, you see, there is something special about Denis.

NARRATOR: He is the first carrier for something very unique.

Panel 6: Close up on Denis's blank face, staring right at us.

NARRATOR: Ask yourself, dear reader...

NARRATOR: What if "average" were contagious?



  1. I can imagine that it might actually be great for those who are sub-par, but oh, the HORROR for those who aren't.

  2. The last line/caption completely sells what is a strange, but highly creepy concept. Awesome stuff.

  3. Wicked buildup to that last line, J.D.! I spent the page wondering where this whole thing was going, and you definitely delivered at the end there. Thumbs up.

  4. Wow. You definitely channeled the tone. I can hear Serling's monologue voice in my head as I read, and I agree with the above gentlemen: the last panel is the sell, and you definitely stick that landing. Excellent piece, Mr. Coughlan.

  5. Excellent page JD.

    Grant covered all my thoughts in his comment.

    Great work.


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