Panel 1: Two SHIELD scientists stand behind a table with what appears to be an LMD designed to resemble AGENT Coulson. The scientists are looking at each other and shrugging.
TEXT BOX (1): SHIELD tried to make an LMD of Agent Coulson once.
TEXT BOX (2): They failed, because there can only be one Agent Coulson.
Panel 2: DEATH and AGENT COULSON are looking each other square in the face.
TEXT BOX (1): Agent Coulson almost died once.
TEXT BOX (2): He then intimidated Death into letting him live simply by staring at her.
Panel 3: AGENT COULSON is standing over a KOed SQUIRREL GIRL.
TEXT BOX (1): Squirrel Girl has the power to beat anybody in a fight.
TEXT BOX (2): Agent Coulson has the power to beat Squirrel Girl in a fight.
Panel 4: AGENT COULSON is standing near an assembled team of AVENGERS, and is drinking a cup of coffee.
TEXT BOX (1): Agent Coulson needs no Superpowers.
TEXT BOX (2): Being Agent Coulson IS a Superpower.
Panel 5: AGENT COULSON is wearing a space suit and punching NAZIs in space. The design of the image should suggest the scene is taking place during World War II.
TEXT BOX (1): Agent Coulson was…
AGENT COULSON: (Off-Panel) Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to stop right there.
TEXT BOX (2): …
Panel 6: Background should be a match to PANEL 5. In the foreground stands AGENT COULSON, who is looking straight out towards the reader – or rather, the person who wrote the comic in the first place.
AGENT COULSON (1): Believe me, I’m doing you a favor.
AGENT COULSON (2): A rip-off of an old meme that wasn’t very funny in the first place?
AGENT COULDON (3): I’m rather disappointed. You can do better. Much better.
TEXT BOX: …
AGENT COULSON (4): Now if you’ll excuse me.
Panel 7: Panel is a match to PANEL 5, with AGENT COULDON having left.
TEXT BOX (1): …
TEXT BOX (2): (As small as possible while still being readable) Agent Coulson can interrupt his own comics as he pleases.
AGENT COULSON: (Off-Panel) I heard that.
TEXT BOX (3): …