Friday, October 18, 2013

Arkham Asylum - 'Twas - R.A. Wonsowski


Panel 1 - long shot of Arkham Asylum through the iron gates at night.

CAPTION:  'Twas the night before All Saints'
And all through the Asylum
Something amiss with the crazies,
Across genus and phylum.

Panel 2 - JONATHAN CRANE reaching through the bars of his cell door.  He is screaming as if his life depends upon it.

CAPTION:  The Scarecrow was screaming 
As he clawed at the bars.

Panel 3 - POISON IVY is smashing her flower pots and seedlings in mason jars with a broken chair leg in her cell.  In the corner, we see the discarded chair minus a leg.

CAPTION: Dear Pamela Isley
Killed her plants in their jars.

Panel 4 - HARVEY DENT sitting on the concrete floor of his cell, naked and drooling as he rolls a pair of bone-coloured dice, blankly staring at nothing.

CAPTION:  Two-Face, now coin-less,
Fumbled dice on the floor.

Panel 5 - JOKER cowers in a corner, sitting in a fetal ball on the naked mattress of his bunk, tears falling from his eyes.

CAPTION:  And the Joker...well, let's say
He's not laughing anymore.

Panel 6 - a dark dungeon-like basement.  Bloody writing in a spiral written on the floor, mostly runic, except one bit that reads "yarva".

CAPTION:  All because some madman
Etched signs in the cellar...

Panel 7 - same as Panel 6, except from the darkness we see the red glowing eyes and Cheshire grin of a familiar DEMON...

CAPTION:  And let Hallowe'en turn into
A terror tale for the teller.

(...and here's the rest...) 
You see, a recent addition
To the list of Arkham's guests
Was a vicar, and a descendent
Of the mad Herbert West.

Through priestly conviction
And the patience of a saint
He made his way to the basement,
And using his blood for paint,
Inscribed incantations
In spirals and curves
While he jibbered in Latin
And gestured in swerves.

But what to his wondering eyes should appear?
A caped 8-foot Demon who grinned back with a leer.
His yellow carapace skin so oily and wan,
He knew in a moment, he summoned Etrigan.

"Pater West," the Demon canted
"What is it you want?
I have a human cage
To torment and taunt."

The priest wanted revenge upon the Gotham congregation.
Their children were vanishing, and Gordon's investigation
Led them to a loose floorboard or two in the pews,
Revealing Father West's collection of little shoes.
"Police feet are beating, like a poor drummer drumming.
Etrigan, you must stop the GCPD from coming!"

The Demon tut-tutted, and strategized a plan,
Then said to this very un-Christian-like man:
"I'll do as you ask, but understand, there's a fee.
So don't get too attached to your humanity..."

Up the stairs, through the madhouse, he bounded the floors,
Unlocked all the locks and threw open the doors,
He bound up his favourites in dark admiration,
Calling them by their villainous appellations:
"Now Joker, now Riddler, now Ivy and Two-Face!
Now Penguin, now Grundy, now Firefly and Clayface!
Dash every cop head against every brick wall!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away ALL!!!"

His coursers, they flew like bats from a cavern.
They burnt down a precinct, killed two in a tavern.
They overturned cruisers and set them on fire,
Bane strangled a bike cop with his spare tube and tire.
And Etrigan just watched from atop Arkham's roof.
If you've wondered if Gotham's insane, here's your proof!

Sooner or later, though, the fun comes to an end,
Whether Gordon's boys in blue, or his other long-eared friend.
The night went from evil, to bad, to untoward,
And honestly, Etrigan began to get bored.
So wiggling a finger up into his nose,
The Demon went back to the priest and his woes.

But I heard him exclaim as he dragged West out of sight:
"Happy Hell-owe'en to you all,
I'm taking the vicar for a bite...."


  1. Cool page RA... this must have taken ages!

    How long did it take you to find a rhyme for Asylum? ;)

  2. Major bonus point for completing the rhyme in its entirety, even if it does go beyond the one page. :^)

  3. Round of a-fucking-pplause. I knew you'd bring the classic horror this week, sir, and you delivered more than I could have imagined. That you threw in Lovecraft and Etrigan is just icing on the Halloween cake. Bravo.


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