Saturday, November 16, 2013

Malekith - featuring Sammy Hagar Thor in: MaleKISS! - R.A. Wonsowski

Way back when, I was a TB newbie, leaving my scripts in the Why? comments every week - which is why you should too, all you hopefuls out there - and my favourite of the bunch of my tryout scripts was this little gem for Mjolnir:

THOR (and SAMMY HAGAR) in "Hammer of the Gods"

Panel 1: Interior - The Hard Rock Cafe in NYC, completely torn apart. Guitars hanging askew on the walls, gold and platinum records in shattered frames litter the floor. THOR lies bloody and broken on the stage, his head cradled in SAMMY HAGAR's arms. THOR is in his modern armour, SAMMY is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, bermuda khaki shorts, one sandal is missing.

SAMMY: (small text)

THOR: Samuel Hagar...canst the inscription...on mine hammer?

Panel 2: from over Sammy's shoulder, we see Mjolnir on the stage floor, it's inscription readable to us.

SAMMY: "Worthy"...Dude, I like to think I'm an OK guy, but...

THOR: (off-panel) ...Sam...favourite song...

Panel 3: Thor's head in Sammy's arms, he's going unconscious.

THOR: (small lettering, weakly) ...Rock Candy...hhh...*

Panel 4: SAMMY's hand touches the handle.

Panel 5: Bright pale yellow. Sound FX says "BOOM"

Panel 6: SAMMY HAGAR holding MJOLNIR above his head in one hand. He is wearing Thor's classic costume, but all red. A Les Paul is clutched in his other hand like a battle axe. Classic rock god stance, like a metal album cover.


CAPTION: (like a scroll with runic writing) "For he had passed the trials of the demonic Edward Van Halen. Loki stands not a chance..."

To Be Continued...

Thus Sammy Hagar Thor was born.  


Panel 1 - From a distance, we see the Hollywood Bowl at night, rock lighting and pyrotechnics happening.

CAPTION:  ...and so it was that Malekith, having found the Pick of Destiny, challenged Thor to a Rock-Off...

Panel 2 - MALEKITH, his hair tied in a samurai knot and sticking his tongue out, is singing into his mike while playing Gene Simmons's axe bass (he is wearing Simmons's platform Demon boots too).  His dark elves are on the instruments behind him.

MALEKITH:  (with musical notes) They call me - 

DARK ELF BAND:  (with musical notes) Doc-tor LO-O-OVE!

Panel 3 - SAMMY HAGAR THOR, foreground, backed by Chickenfoot, holds Mjolnir up high in one hand, head back, screaming into his headset mike.  Lightning plays off the hammer.  Joe SATRIANI and Michael ANTHONY sing into the same mike in a stand.

SATRIANI & ANTHONY:  (with musical notes) ...but I - can't drive - 

SAMMY HAGAR THOR:  (with musical notes)  FIF-ty FI-I-I-IVE!!!

Panel 4 - Same as Panel 2, but MALEKITH is starting to sweat and overcompensate, he looks worried.

MALEKITH and DARK ELF BAND:  (with musical notes):  I was made for lovin' you, bay-bee...

MALEKITH and DARK ELF BAND:  (with musical notes):  You were made for lovin' me-e-e...

Panel 5 - Same as Panel 3, except SATRIANI and ANTHONY are playing off each other.  Foreground, Mjolnir now hooked in his belt, SAMMY HAGAR THOR is playing power chords on a cherry red Les Paul and singing.

SAMMY HAGAR THOR:  (with musical notes) Here we go, Marching to Mars...

SAMMY HAGAR THOR:  (with musical notes) On a rainbow bridge, it don't seem so far...

Panel 6 - MALEKITH, now scared, is under a spotlight, sweating, singing with both hands cupping the mike, trying to be passionate and cool.  The Dark Elves are backing away worriedly from their instruments.

MALEKITH:  (with musical notes) Beth, I hear you callin'...

CROWD:  (off-panel) BOOO!!!!

DRUNK DUDE:  (off-panel) suck!!!

Panel 7 - Lightning strikes MALEKITH, shocking him all to hell.  Pyrotechnics go off on cue.


Panel 8 - SAMMY HAGAR THOR, one foot on the back of a defeated, supine, and very crispy MALEKITH, and CHICKENFOOT are rocking the crowd.  MALEKITH's expression is painfully dazed.


MALEKITH:  ...mas tequila...


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