Skinner Sweet - Cold Shoulder - Grant McLaughlin

1 – A big, wild blizzard. A real white out. Snow's flying everywhere, but there doesn't appear to be anything to see.

NO DIALOGUE

2 – The arctic winds continue unabated. But in the distance, a haggard figure walks towards us. His clothing is ripped to shreds and he seems to be bleeding heavily.

NO DIALOGUE

3 – The figure is nearer to us. Near enough to see that it is Skinner Sweet. While he's in a mighty bad way, he looks upwards towards something off panel with an expression that is a mixture between pleasure and relief.

NO DIALOGUE

4 – Skinner has passed our point and is now walking away, near the distance with a small red trail behind him. Towards the side of the panel, the legs of a large sign are visible (although not the sign itself).

NO DIALOGUE

5 – Pull back a bit more, we can finally see the sign itself. It reads: “You are now leaving Canada. See you again soon!”. Skinner Sweet is gone from view and the blustering snow has erased any evidence of his being there.

SKINNER SWEET (tailless): Not if I can help it.

Skinner Sweet - The Scorpion - J.D. Coughlan

Sometime in the 1920s -- before Skinner Sweet meets Pearl Jones -- Sweet hitches a lift from a pilot named Fawkes in an old, enclosed cockpit bi-plane. Fawkes is driving Sweet insane with his small-talk.

Panel 1: Two-shot of the cockpit. Fawkes is flying, Sweet stares out the side with a murderous look in his eyes. Fawkes smiles obliviously. He is the stereotypical, middle-aged, upper-class British WW1-era pilot; moustache, white scarf, etc.

FAWKES: It was during the big war that I learned how to fly, of course, but I think it'll be a skill required more and more in this day and age. There may even come a time when every home has an aeroplane in the garage!

Panel 2: Same shot. Sweet now has his head in his hands.

FAWKES: ...after Barbara died, I moved out here to California. Yes, my boy, you Yanks certainly know how to live. I know you all get a bit of a bum reputation, but I think that's just jealousy, quite frankly.

Panel 3: Same shot, Sweet has now looked up with a wicked grin.

SWEET: I think you're on to something there, actually.

SWEET: Most of my dealings with Yoo-row-pee-ans... well, let's just say American values came out on top.

FAWKES: There you are, see? Although I suppose you can say you've met one nice Brit now. Why, without me, you wouldn't be in the air at all! Better hope nothing happens to me, eh?

Panel 4: Same shot. Sweet's claws are growing and his fangs are on display. Fawkes remains oblivious.

SWEET: Yeah, about that...

SWEET: Ever hear the tale of the scorpion and the fox?

END OF PAGE

Why Skinner Sweet?

A long time ago, before Twilight and its sparkly, expressionless would-be romantics, vampires were scary. They stalked the night, hiding in the shadows, creeping up on their human prey, only to sink their sharp fangs in and drink the blood like it was juice from a mango. Skinner Sweet is not only a return to that terrifying brand of bloodsucker; he's even scarier.

Co-created by acclaimed master of horror fiction Stephen King, Sweet is the first ever American vampire. With him, a new strain of vampirism is created; just as different animal species are found on different continents. Skinner Sweet is the next evolution of vampire. He, and all other American vampires, can walk during daylight, but are weak when there's no moon out, and are invulnerable to just about everything except gold.

But that's not all that sets Skinner apart. Don't let his sweet tooth (sweet fang?) fool you -- the man is evil to the bone. Even before he was feasting on the living, Sweet was a ruthless old west outlaw, the worst of the worst, with absolutely no empathy for his fellow man. In fact, he almost seems to go out his way to treat people worse. It's in his blood.

As a vampire, Sweet has lived a long time, and has seen much of America's 20th century unfold before him. Not that he'd care himself though, but Scott Snyder and Rafael Albuquerque's American Vampire is as much about history as it is about horror. Skinner Sweet is just along for the ride.

And there's nothing sparkly or romantic about him.

Krampus - Merry Krampusnacht - Brian Manton

1.
Liam Cartwright (36) walks down the street. He looks in need of a wash and a sleep and a friend. He carries a light plastic carrier bag which holds a six pack of beer.

It's Christmas time, evening, just getting dark. There are Christmas shoppers on the streets in groups of twos and threes.

CAP (Liam):  Christmas.

2.
Liam walks down a different street, lined with pubs instead of shops.

A couple kiss in the background - the girl holding her kebab to the side, trying not to spill it.

Three teenagers kick at a bouncer on the ground.

Liam doesn't make eye contact with anyone, keeping his haze on the path ahead of him.

CAP (Liam):  The season of good will.

3.
Liam sits in a small kitchen. The six pack is on the table and Liam holds one of the cans. There are a dozen scattered empty cans on the counter behind him.

CAP (Liam):  and the demons of Christmas past come back to haunt you.

Krampus - Oh What Fun - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: Krampus speeds through the forest, his bag in tow.

Cap: DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW
CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS DAY

Panel 2: Children run through the streets, frightened out of their wits.

Cap: O'ER THE STREETS THEY RUN
TREMBLING ALL THE WAY

Panel 3: Krampus graps a screaming child and puts him in the bag.

Cap: CAN'T ESCAPE HIS GRASP
MAKING CHILDREN CRY

Panel 4: Krampus chases after more children, a manic grin on his face.

Cap: OH WHAT FUN TO HEAR THEIR SCREAMS
A STEALING SONG TONIGHT!

Krampus Strikes Back - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: Wide shot. Krampus and Santa stand upon a cliff edge in the North Pole. They are sword-fighting with candy canes, locked together, intensely staring each other down. Santa's back is to the edge.

SANTA: You can't win, Krampus! Strike me down and I shall become more jolly than you can possibly imagine!

KRAMPUS: I don't need to strike you down!

Panel 2: Close-up of Krampus slicing off Santa's hand with his candy cane.

SFX: SCHWING!

SANTA: AHHH!

Panel 3: Santa kneels, clutching his hand, by the cliff edge, his candy cane discarded. Krampus stands over him, hand extended, candy cane pointing down.

KRAMPUS: There is no escape. Join me! With our combined power, we could rule Christmas!

SANTA: I'll never join you!

Panel 4: Close up on Krampus, gloating.

KRAMPUS: If only you knew the power of the Naughty Side. If only you knew what happened to your father...

Panel 5: Close up of Santa, in pain.

SANTA: You killed him!

KRAMPUS (O.P.): No, Santa...

Panel 6: Medium shot of both. Krampus clenches his fist, grinning. Santa looks utterly defeated.

KRAMPUS: I AM YOUR FATHER!

END OF PAGE

Krampus – Empty Beds – Shaun Richens.

PAGE ONE – 7 PANELS.

Layout.

123

455

466

777

1.1

All black panel.

SFX:

Crash.

1.2

Close up on young OTTO. A boy of eight. His eyes open wide a smile on his face as he wakes up from his sleep. It is very early christmas morning.

OTTO:

<Santa?> *

CAPTION BOX

* Translated from German.

1.3

The empty bed of Otto, the sheets pulled back and left in a hurry as he rushes out to find Santa. The fuzzy dark blue light of pre dawn casting a chill over the room.

NO COPY.

1.4

Otto holds on to the banister as he creeps as quietly as can down the stairs. A doorway has been left ajar in the hallway running next to the staircase. A pool of light, flickering red and green spills from the half open door.

NO COPY.

1.5

Close up on Otto his face illuminated by the same flickering lights as he peaks in past the doorway, still to scared to enter and really meet santa.

OTTO:

<Is, is that you Santa?>

1.6

Large panel. Cut to inside the living room. A huge and beautifully decorated christmas tree twinkles with red and green lights.

KRAMPUS stands tall next to it, hunched over to fit into the room designed for humans. Krampus, is covered in blood red fur, he stands on two legs each with a large hoof in place of a foot, his hands have bird like talons, his face sharp and harsh, his nose more like a beak than a nose. Atop his head or a set of large rabbit like ears and a pair of twisted and savage looking horns. His belly is huge and round, but not jolly like Santa's.

(lettering note: Krampus speaks with a rough and scratchy font.)

KRAMPUS:

Didn't your mother tell you? You're on the naughty list little Otto.

1.7

Cut back to Otto's room. The sheets still pulled back exactly as Otto left them. The room is now filled with a bright light from the christmas morning sun.

NO COPY.

Krampus – A Merrily Busted Christmas – MK Stangeland Jr.

(6 Panels)

PANEL 1: Scene is night, inside a child’s room in a European home somewhere near Germany. The KRAMPUS stands over the bed, with what looks vaguely like a child underneath a number of blankets.

PANEL 2: KRAMPUS pulls back the sheets to reveal that the person in the bed isn’t a child at all – it is instead DR. PETER VENKMAN, who has his proton pack armed and aimed up at KRAMPUS.

KRAMPUS: !!!

VENKMAN: Happy Holidays!

PANEL 3: KRAMPUS makes a sloppy retreat as he tries to get away from VENKMAN, who is firing his proton pack.

VENKMAN (1): Hey, where you going?

VENKMAN (2): I’ve been a bad boy this year!

PANEL 4: KRAMPUS stops short of the rooms main window as DR. RAY STANTZ comes out of hiding and shoots his proton pack across the window.

STANTZ: Egon, that’s your cue!

PANEL 5: DR. EGON SPENGLER bursts into the room through the main door. He’s wielding a Wave Radio-Plasmic Tracking gun (a “Wrapped Gun”), which he shoots at KRAMPUS.

SFX: Wong!

EGON: On it!

PANEL 6: The blast from the Wrapped Gun hits the KRAMPUS to tag him as he makes his way out through the rooms secondary window.

EGON: Got him!

(END PAGE)

Krampus - Double Standard - Ben Rosenthal

1.  A father sits on his child's bed on X-Mas eve.  He is putting his little girl to sleep.

GIRL
Daddy.  I'm scared.

DADDY
Scared of what honey?

GIRL
That the Krampus is going to come and get me.


2.  The father is smiling.  He is amused at her youthful gullibility.

DADDY
Remember darling the Krampus only takes away little girls who have been naughty.
Have you been naughty?

GIRL
I don't think so.

DADDY
Well there you go.   Now you just have to make sure you keep on being good and the Krampus will leave you alone.


3.  The father is up and is walking out the door, turning off the light to the little girl's room.  The corridor in front of him is dark.

DADDY
Good night darling.

GIRL
Goodnight Daddy.


4.  The father is in  his dark room.  He looks around cautiously as he readies himself for bed.  He thinks he can hear something.

DADDY
Is someone there?

VOICE (off panel)
Lying to your daughter?


5.  The man is petrified.  Behind him we see two large eyes, two large horns and a row of teeth glistening in the moonlight, emerging from the shadows of the room.

KRAMPUS
That's naughty.

Krampus - Sweet Christmas - R.A. Wonsowski

Splash Page - Setting: the cave lair of the KRAMPUS. Foreground, the KRAMPUS is locked in combat with a powered-up SANTA CLAUS, who is wreathed in Christmas light-like Kirby crackle. In the background, LUKE CAGE is leading the captive CHILDREN to the cave mouth exit as IRON FIST smashes open another prison pen, next to a gigantic Simonson-esque bone-pulverizing, bread-making machine. 

IRON FIST: Hurry, Luke! Get the kids to the sleigh!

CAPTION: It's a Cruel Yule in the Mighty Marvel Manner! The Heroes for Hire in an epic battle between Naughty and Nice, In a Xmas tale we hadta call...

TITLE: LUKE CAGE'S SSSSSSSWEET CHRISTMAS SONG!

CAPTION: a Wonsowski-Aja joint.

Why Krampus?

c'mon...just look at him!

Everyone should have a Grampa Joe.  My Grampa Joe was a working class blue-collar man who worked himself to provide the best for his family and had a religious fervor that comes from living what he preached.  And he came from the culturally rich country of Slovakia.  I bring this up, because he is also the man who bought me my first comic books.  So, in my own way, I'd like to think I'm tipping the hat in his memory with this week's Why.

So Why Krampus?  The Krampus legend mostly crops up in Germanic and Northern European countries, and most often paired with Saint Nikolas.  Saint Nikolas would reward "Nice" children with toys and candy.  The Krampus, however, in the original legends, would kidnap the "Naughty", stuff them in his sack, take them to his cave, and eat them.  In the original pre-Christian legends, he was associated with the barbarian horned-god of witch covens, and ran free every Winter festival.  With the rise in popularity of St. Nick during the Middle Ages, Christianity could not suppress the legend, so the church incorporated him into the Christmas pageantry (although now sporting chains and irons).  Slovakia and Austria still boast incredible Krampusnacht festivals every 5th of December, the eve of the feast day of St. Nikolas.

Still relevant!

The Krampus legend is still popular today.  He doesn't do as much child abduction today, but he sure leaves a lot of coal in stockings for the wicked children.  He is still seen as the "Anti-Claus" to Santa Claus, and is a vital pop culture icon.  He's popped up in cartoons, was featured in a special Christmas episode on Supernatural, and this year got his own comic published by Image.  Not bad for Kris Kringle's older brother.

So that is my pick for ThoughtBalloon's annual Christmas Week.  If you have a Krampus story to tell, please share it in the comments below.  Make it big, and boisterous, and legendary...

Like Grampa Joe.

Bandette - Mischief - Brian Manton

1.
French streets.

Bandette running left to right, toward a corner. She carries a map bag. Ref -http://www.applegazette.com/wp-content/uploads/5796.jpg

Around the corner, running right to left, we see Amelie  - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0211915/

She carries a red bag, ref http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_G79641pYnF0/S-RFcXn9LZI/AAAAAAAABlw/eHYF466PM_M/s1600/DSCF2706.JPG

2.
The two reach the corner at the same time and crash into each other. Their bags fly from their shoulders with the impact.

3.
The two sit on the ground. Little red birds fly around Bandette's head, little blue ones around Amelie's. One red and one blue bird have a cheerful conversation in the foreground.

From Amelie's bag has fallen a photo album full of reconstituted torn-up photobooth pictures - all of different people. One photo of a garden gnome in front of the Eiffel Tower pokes out from another page.

From Bandette's bag has fallen some documents in manilla folders marked "TOP SECRET"

4.
Bandette looking down at the photo album.

5.
Amelie eyeing the "TOP SECRET" papers.

6.
Tight cropped shot, forehead to chin. Both look at eachother and smirk.

7.
Both run off in opposite directions - Amelie with Bandette's bag and vice versa.

Bandette - Who Has Trapped The Great Thieves Of Europe? - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: Full splash: Bandette, Fantomas, Arsene Lupin, Diabolik, and A.J. Raffles have all run into each other while trying to steal the Ruby Rings Of Dallamano in the prestigious Bava estate, and are talking with each other.

Fantomas: SO IT SEEMS WE WERE ALL DELIVERED A MYSTERIOUS MISSIVE UNDER COVER OF NIGHT, NOTIFYING US THAT THE RUBY RINGS WOULD BE ESPECIALLY VULNERABLE TONIGHT.

Bandette: SOMEONE MUST HAVE MEANT FOR US TO MEET HERE, AT THIS TIME... BUT WHY?

Panel 2: Inset panel. Bars shoot up from the windowsills, making all windows impassable

SFX: SHHHHHHRRRRNNNNNNNGGGG

Panel 3: Inset panel. All the thieves are startled by the noises happening.

Panel 4: Inset panel. Metal panels slam over the outside doors

KNNNNNNNNNNNG

Panel 5: All the thieves have realized that they are trapped, and a mysterious voice emanated from an unseen speaker.

ALL: A TRAP!

SPEAKER(OP): I SEE YOU'VE REALIZED MY INTENTIONS. I HAVE IMPLANTED A SERIES OF TRAPS IN THIS MANSION, AND THE ONLY WAY TO ESCAPE WITH YOUR LIVES IS TO PROVE THAT THERE IS INDEED... HONOR AMONG THIEVES.

Bandette - ...too soon? - R.A. Wonsowski

Panel 1 - BANDETTE running around the corner, (l to r) jauntily evading the local gendarmerie, the Mona Lisa under her arm.  Eiffel Tower stands in the background.

GENDARMES - STOP!! THIEF!!!

Panel 2 - BANDETTE skidding (l to r) to a smiling stop on her heels behind a high brick wall. The gendarmes cannot see her over the wall

SoundFX - skiddd!!

GENDARMES - (behind wall) STOP!! THIEF!!!

Panel 3  - BANDETTE looks to the right side of the panel. Something has caught her attention...

OFF PANEL (right) - STOP!! THIEF!!!

Panel 4 - BANDETTE looks on surprised as SHIA LaBOEUF (r to l) enters from the right side of the panel.

OFF PANEL (right) - STOP!! THIEF!!!

Panel 5 - BANDETTE sticks out her leg, tripping SHIA.

SoundFX - trip!

OFF PANEL (right) - STOP!! THIEF!!!

Panel 6 - DANIEL CLOWES is beating the ever-loving $#!t out of SHIA, blood and hair flying everywhere.  BANDETTE stands over the two, yelling haughtily at SHIA.  The GENDARMES look over the wall perplexed at the scene.  The AMERICAN ZOMBIE peeks in fromthe lower right hand corner, winking at the reader, giving a thumbs up.

BANDETTE - ...and that is for being such an unlikable protagonist in Transformers!

AZ - Hey, kids!  Give a hoot - Don't plagiarize!

Bandette - The Unveiling - JD Coughlan

Panel 1: Full-page splash. An unveiling at a very expensive art gallery. Except, instead of their priceless artwork, there is a portrait of Bandette half out of a window with the actual painting under her arm. She is winking at the viewer. This is the main focus of the page, with gasping patrons looking on, one of whom still holds the curtain that was over the painting. Inspector BD Bélgique stands in the foreground, raising his fist and shouting at the sky.

BELGIQUE: BAAAAAAANDEEEEETTTTTEEEEE!!!

END OF PAGE

Bandette – Voleur De Performance - Shaun Richens

PAGE ONE – 6 PANELS.

1.1

Ext. The rooftops of Paris late at night during a beautiful full moon. Our young heroine BANDETTE, in full get up gives chase to a striking woman, MISS MIME, as she dashes gracefully across the tiled roofs towards us.

Miss Mime is a slender young woman. She wears a black and white mimes outfit with full white face make up. Her lips are bright red however and she has a small red love heart beauty spot on her cheek. Her hands are gloved and she carries a small brown pouch.

BANDETTE:

Madam, you are sure of foot and have the grace of a dancer for sure.

1.2

Close up on Bandette, a sly smile on her face.

BANDETTE:

But you are not sly like a fox or cunning as a cat like little old me.

1.3

Two shot of Bandette and Miss Mime, they have both both stopped running and now face each other on the rooftop.

BANDETTE:

Very sensible my dear. You have decided to give yourself up, no? And return the goods you stole from me.

BANDETTE:

It was a bother trying to acquire that pouch of goods you now hold.

1.4

Close up on Miss Mime. She holds her index finger up to her lips telling Bandette to be silent.

NO COPY.

1.5

Miss Mime tosses the pouch over the side of the building and turns to run in the other direction.

NO COPY.

1.6

Close up on a smiling Bandette.

BANDETTE:

Such a shame. You are a feisty vixen. We could have been such great pals.

BANDETTE:

ça ne fait rien

Bandette – It’s What She Does – MK Stangeland Jr.

(7 Panels)

Panel 1: Three guys are in a comic book store – TYLER, BRIAN, and JEFF. They stand on two sides of a table holding Longboxes, with JEFF on one side and TYLER and BRIAN on the other. JEFF looks disheartened.

JEFF: Did you hear about the Eisner Awards?

TYLER: What about ‘em?

Panel 2: JEFF holds up a comic book with the title “THE GREATEST COMIC EVER (IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD)”. The cover art looks like it would belong on the kind of comic book that wins a lot of awards.

JEFF (1): The greatest comic book ever, and it lost.

BRIAN: Just because it calls itself the greatest ever doesn’t mean it is.

TYLER: Yeah, I’m not much a fan of whoever’s ego wrote that thing.

JEFF (2): Have you read this? It’s better than Watchmen!

Panel 3: The discussion between JEFF, BRIAN, and TYLER is getting more heated.

TYLER (1): Impossible. Nothing beats Watchmen.

BRIAN: Meh, Watchmen is overrated. Plenty of things beat Watchmen.

TYLER (2): Lies.

Panel 4: JEFF looks through a section of the longbox as he looks for a copy of a certain title.

JEFF (1): Whatever. My point is that this book got robbed!

JEFF (2): It got robbed hard!

BRIAN: Why? What beat it?

JEFF (3): Uh…let me see if there’s any copies of it here…Ah!

Panel 5: JEFF holds up a printed copy of a BANDETTE comic, with BANDETTE on the cover. Strangely, the BANDETTE on the cover of this issue appears to be holding what looks like a miniature version of the EISNER AWARDS logo.

JEFF (1): This. This “Bandette” thing.

JEFF (2): This is what beat out the greatest comic the world has or will ever know.

Panel 6: Close up on the image of BANDETTE from the cover. It looks like she’s looking directly at whoever’s looking at the comic cover and winking, as to suggesti that the character herself literally stole the award in the most literal sense possible.

Panel 7: TYLER looks at the comic with a confused look, not quite sure what just happened. BRIAN looks at TYLER as he points at the comic.

BRIAN (1): Did you see that?

BRIAN (2): Did that seem weird to you?

(END PAGE)

Bandette - She is the Night - Ben Rosenthal

1.  The inspector is sitting at his desk.  It is dimly lit.  He has a cigarette in his hand, his hair frazzled.  HE is looking very grim.

INSPECTOR
It's not the same any more.  They city has been plunged into darkness.  Filth walks the streets

BANDETTE (off panel)
Do not worry, Inspector.

2.  Reveal of Bandette - she is in a new costume which looks decisively noir-ish.  This is a darker Bandette who means business.

BANDETTE
I will bring the light back to our city.  I will clean up this town!

3. In the street Bandette is giving orders to two obvious criminals.  One is screwing in a new light bulb into a street light while another sweeps up rubbish in the street.

BANDETTE
Only twenty nine more streets to go, hoodlums.

Bandette - The Usual - Grant McLaughlin

Bandette should be smiling and jubilant throughout these different moments.. As ever, she is having a good time and won't let anything get in her way of doing so.

1 – Bandette is racing across a rooftop, pursued by a pair of men with pistols. They are firing their weapons, but of course, their bullets will not find their mark.

BANDETTE: I must say, you are both being quite rude!

2 - BD Bélgique is outside reading a newspaper. His nose is buried pretty deeply in the words, so he fails to notice Bandette sneaking up behind him and purloining his box of cigarettes. If it would be feasible, Bandette should be seen crushing them a bit in her hand to really make it clear she's going to simply get rid of them for BD.

BANDETTE (whispering): Worry not, inspector, I shall help to liberate you from this most horrible vice.

3 – Bandette, in a museum, approaches some small paintings, ready to remove them from their hangings. A security guard walks by in the background, unaware of what is transpiring.

BANDETTE: Be merry, my little artworks, for soon you will have a new home with Bandette, away from this dank, dark museum.

4 – Bandette traipses away from a conversation with Monsieur in a whimsical manner befitting her. She is as lively as ever. Monsieur may not look quite as impressed.

BANDETTE: I do not think I should be blamed if you fail to appreciate my genius.

5 - Bandette sits at a café, munching away at a chocolate croissant. She's as happy as a clam.

BANDETTE: Delightful!

6 - Bandette is sitting in an open dumpster, covered in garbage. She's probably removing some piece of detritus from her head (perhaps a banana peel?). That being said, she's probably still at least somewhat smiley about the whole thing – it is an adventure after all.

BANDETTE: Well, that certainly could have gone worse.

7 - Bandette prepares to jump from a window. Some unhappy thugs are advancing her way.

BANDETTE (1): Clearly you have overstayed my welcome.

BANDETTE (2): No matter, I will forgive you.

8 – Bandette walks down the spiral steps leading into one of her many hideouts. Pimento, her small dog, greets her at the bottom of the steps.

PIMENTO: Yip!

BANDETTE: Oh, Pimento!

9 – Bandette has picked up Pimento and is nuzzling him lovingly. Pimento returns the gesture in a doggy manner.

BANDETTE: I cannot wait to discover what excitement awaits me this afternoon!

PIMENTO: Yip!

Why Bandette?

I love comics.  They're an amazing and beautiful thing that can achieve most anything a creator can think of (and many a thing that they've yet to come up with).  I will happily read comics of any format, type, or genre as long as they conform to the one simple rule.

Comics should be fun.

I was smitten with Paul Tobin and Colleen Coover's Bandette from the moment I first laid eyes on her.  These brilliant creators have tapped into something magical with their reslendent master thief and her cast of colourful supporting characters.  There is a clear European bande dessinée influence in both the look and writing (the police inspector is named BD Bélgique, after all), which is just peachy in my view, but more than that, Tobin and Coover's main influence is telling wonderful, jaunty stories that are light yet substantial all at the same time.

While Bandette is a master thief, the only real crime this book commits is not coming out as much as I might like.  That being said, we have been blessed with five whimsical issues, some lovely short stories, and a gorgeous hardcover collection courtesy of Dark Horse.  If you haven't already, you should be reading them.

Because as you may have already gathered, Bandette is fun.  And that is a thing of vital importance.

She's already stolen my heart.  If you're lucky, she'll do the same to you.

Presto!

Bob's Burgers - Gets TB! - R.A. Wonsowski

• The set-up:  The unthinkable has happened - a McDonald's has opened next door to Bob's Burgers...

Panel 1 - ...BOB (left) stands in front of his storefront, fuming angrily, as SIMON MCDONALD (right) struts to the sidewalk space before his McDonald's, carrying a sandwich board sign.

Panel 2 - BOB starts scrabbling furiously at his slate sandwich board with a piece of chalk.  SIMON's is whiteboard with marker.  He stands pridefully,one hand resting upon the sign that reads: BEN's ROAST'n'ALL sandwich - a 1/2 lb. Roast Beef sandwich on a toasted bun with all the fixin's.

Panel 3 - BOB reveals his blackboard sign: the FRYIN' MAN-TON - 2/3 pound of shredded crispy deep-fried grilled burger topped with fried onions, fried tomatoes, and fried jalepeños, on a french-fried roll.  SIMON, meanwhile, reworks his sign in cartoonish clouds of dust.

Panel 4 - SIMON now stands smugly by his sign which now reads: the GRAND MAC - 3/4 lb. burger patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, on a sesame seed bun (patent pending). BOB, more angry, reworks his sign.

Panel 5 - BOB glowers at SIMON as he reveals his sign: the J.D. - 7/8 lb. burger, marinated in Jack Daniels, topped with Jack-Denby cheese and crispity frizzled onions.  SIMON reworks his sign again.

Panel 6 - SIMON angrily reveals his sign: the BIG MK - 1 pound of all-beef pattie, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, on a sesame seed bun (patent still pending). BOB furiously works again.

Panel 7 - BOB shoots daggers out his eyes as we read his sign: a caricature of Terrance Stamp's ZOD reads: KNEEL, JACK.O.B. - 5 quarter-pound patties topped with pepperjack, onions, and baked beans.  SIMON, near exhaustion, gives his sign one more go.

Panel 8 - SIMON, sweating, shows off his sign: RYAN's KI-LO - One full kilogram of beef, topped with cheddar, avocado, and crunch pork rinds.  BOB, lightbulb over his head, finishes his sign.

Panel 9 - BOB, arms crossed over his chest in victory, stands by his sign: the 1-SOW-SKI! - 1 kilo of chopped sirloin, topped with a pound of bacon, sandwiched between two skids of fried pork chop - comes with a side of Fried Chicken. (For the ladies: toss Shaun's Richest salad!).  SIMON carries off his sign down the sidewalk in defeat as we see his McDonald's is now closed.

Bob's Burgers - Breaking News - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: Bob is writing today's special, the "Burging Hammer: Kobashi-style Beef Burg with extra hot sauce" on the board.

Panel 2: Jon Benjamin, from Jon Benjamin Has A Van, walks intently into the shop with his crew, as he talks to the camera.

Jon: WE'RE HERE IN BOB'S BURGERS, A LOCAL HAMBURGER SHOP, TO ASK THE PROPRIETOR WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT THE WAR IN SYRIA.

Panel 3: Gene and Louise run in and start goofing off for the camera as Jon Benjamin points his microphone into Bob's face.

Bob: WHAT? WHAT IS THIS?

Jon: WAR IN SYRIA, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Panel 4: Bob shrugs as Gene and Louise keep messing around. Jon's expression stays the same.

Bob: UH, I DUNNO. PROBABLY PRETTY HARSH FOR THE SYRIANS, I GUESS.

Panel 5: Bob stares awkwardly into the camera, as Jon keeps staring at him and Gene and Louise keep mugging.

NO COPY

Panel 6: Bob, noticably anxious, starts to talk to Jon.

Bob: SO, WHAT, ARE WE DONE HERE? I HAVE THINGS TO DO. BURGERS NEED TO BE EATEN. BY PEOPLE.

Bob's Burgers - If Different Writers Wrote Bob's Burgers - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: In the art style of Ivan Reis. Close-up of a burger sitting on a counter. Very detailed.

CAPTION: Geoff Johns

BOB (CAP): My name is Bob Belcher.

BOB (CAP): When I was a child, my father would take me for a burger every weekend...

BOB (CAP): Then he died, and I vowed to make burgers every day of my life for him.

Panel 2: In the art style of John Romita Jr. Wide shot of Bob's burger joint. A thug in a leather jacket and balaclava smashes through the window, firing off a gun. Bob levels a shotgun at him from behind the counter. Customers and Bob's family run screaming.

CAPTION: Mark Millar

THUG: THIS IS A SHITTING ROBBERY!

BOB: Today's Burger of the Day: YOUR ASS-BURGERS!

Panel 3: In the art style of Bryan Hitch. Close up of Bob's face as he looks contemplative. Almost the entire panel is captions.

CAPTION: Brian Michael Bendis

BOB (CAP): Okay, here's the deal... I'm Bob, I make burgers.

BOB (CAP): But that's... Listen, that's not all there is to me, okay?

BOB (CAP): I got my family too. That's a whole other thing. Okay?

BOB (CAP): What I'm saying-- Look, listen... what I'm trying to say is... there's more to me than burgers, okay?

BOB (CAP): Seriously.

BOB (CAP): Come on!

BOB (CAP): ExACTly.

BOB (CAP): Okay?

Panel 4: In the style of Kevin O'Neill. Wide shot of the diner. There is an extraordinary level of detail in the background. Like, you can see characters' entire life stories. In the foreground, a mysterious customer sits at the counter, talking with Bob, and looking with far too much interest at his burger.

CAPTION: Alan Moore

CUSTOMER: What horrors from the Hells of Dante and Milton take form in this, a maddening gastronomic conflagration of what once were delicacies, sits now in front of me? Oh, for the bygone days when once a man could enjoy a simple meal without such grotesque deformities of former simplicities.

BOB: ...

BOB: So, you want ketchup with that?

END OF PAGE

Bobs Burgers – Fry Hard: A Christmas Special – Shaun Richens.

PAGE ONE – 5 PANELS.

1.1

Int. BOB'S BURGER SHOP. We can see the small figure of LOUISE BELCHER standing, her back to us, on a step ladder behind the counter. She wears her usual outfit the only difference being the ears on her pink hat hang down low pulled by the weight of christmas baubles she has attached to the end of each ear.

Louise is hanging a large sheet of paper over the burger menu.

LOUSIE:

Aw yeah. Christmas is here.

BOB (OFF PANEL):

Louise what are you going up there?

1.2

Louise now faces towards us and bob (still off panel.) Her hands behind her back trying to look as innocent as possible. Her body covers up whatever the sign she has hung up says.

LOUISE:

I'm just putting up the sign for the new christmas burger.

1.3

Cut to BOB. He is in his normal get up, greasy apron and all, he does however have a limp and slightly sad looking red santa hat on his head. He stands with his hands on his hips trying to give off an authoritative father vibe, but failing.

BOB:

I told you I'd come up with the new christmas menu.

LOUISE (OFF PANEL):

But Bob, this is guna be the best burger we’ve ever done!

1.4

Cut to reveal of the sign. It is written in bright red and green bubble writing and has a crude picture of a huge burger on it. The burger is overflowing with fries that have been stuffed in on top of the burger itself.

The sign reads:

Merry Christmas One and All!

Try our new

“Fry Hard” Burger.

An all in one action packed meal.

Yippee Ki-ya

The last line of the sign is cut off by the bottom of the panel, the top of a T, F and K can be seen peeking up in the same bubble writing but thats it.

1.5

Bob, red faced stands in front the sign trying to cover up as much of it with his flailing arms as he can. Louise, still standing on the step ladder, looks straight at her dad, her arms folded across her chest. She looks real mad.

BOB:

We have to get this thing down right away. We can't let the customers see this.

LOUISE:

But it's from my favourite Christmas film.

LOUSIE:

Where's your sense of Christmas spirit dad?

Bob’s Burgers – This #&$@*% Restaurant! – MK Stangeland Jr.

(6 Panels)

PANEL 1: GORDON RAMSEY stands in the doorway leading to the kitchen of BOB’S BURGERS. He has a look of solid disgust on his face as BOB stands behind him with an ignorant look of happy anticipation.

PANEL 2: RAMSEY turns around to face BOB.

RAMSEY (1): What the &^#% am I supposed to be looking at?

BOB: It’s the kitchen.

RAMSEY (2): No, this #$*% place is a %*&$# waste of space!

PANEL 3: BOB has a blank look of shock as RAMSEY berates BOB over his restaurant.

RAMSEY (1): To call this place a 0-bit greasy &%#*$ spoon would be an insult to 0-bit greasy spoons!

RAMSEY (2): I have never seen a worse %*^@$ restaurant in all my *%@&# life! And do you have any idea how many &%#@^ restaurants I’ve seen in all my life?

BOB: A lot of them?

RAMSEY (3): A lot ^%*$# more than a lot of them!

PANEL 4: BOB picks up a burger from nearby. RAMSEY is not impressed.

BOB (1): You haven’t even tasted the food yet.

RAMSEY (1): I can *%^&$ taste it from here.

RAMSEY (2): You know what it tastes like? It tastes like $#*^!

BOB (2): You must have really powerful tastebuds if you can taste food without eating it.

PANEL 5: We see the “Burger of the Day” sign as RAMSEY points out over his shoulder from the kitchen. The sign reads “Waffilling Station” Burger – Burger served on a Waffle bun.

RAMSEY: I would’t even have to $#&%* taste it, not when this place thinks that using the worst %&#@ puns as a %$&# sales gimmick is a good idea!

PANEL 6: The three Belcher kids – TINA, GENE, and LOUISE – are watching the scene from behind a counter.

TINA: Wow, he’s even more vicious in real life.

LOUISE: I like his energy and take-no-nonsense attitude!

(END PAGE)

Bob’s Burgers – Cinéma Vérité – Brian Manton

Panels 1-4 are the screen  from the viewfinder of a video camera. The REC light shows in the corner.

1.

The camera looks up at Teddy who holds a burger and looks down into the lens. Louise pokes her head into shot.

Teddy: Whatcha got there, Gene?

Gene (OP):  I’m a documentarian.

Louise:  He’s documenting our home environment for social services.

2.

Bob is just starting to wipe out the Burger of the Day sign which reads “This is Spinach Tap” Burger – with spinach

Louise’s hand juts into the bottom-left corner of the frame.

Gene (OP):  Uh uh. I’m capturing real life. Truth. Beauty.

Louise:  Then why are you pointing the camera at Dad?

3.

Zoom in on Bob’s bald patch.

Gene (OP): Man’s noble but futile struggle against the unimpeded onslaught of time.

4.

Linda has grabbed the side of the camera turning it toward her. With her other arm she pulls Tina close.

Linda (sings): Whyyy don’t you make it a muuuusicaaaal.

Linda (linked): Sing it with me Tina.

Tina: Nnnnnnnnn.

5.

Wide of the restaurant.

Linda sings loudly. Tina hesitantly sings with her.

Teddy sits at the counter, looking towards Linda and joins in on the song, losing a little bit of burger as he sings.

Louise rocks on the ground, blocking her ears, her eyes shut tight.

Bob stands behind the counter, face-palming. We can see the Burger of the Day sign now reads “Triumph of the Dill”.

Gene, totally deflated, looks at the ground. He holds the camera slackly by his side.

Linda (singing): Laalaa la laa LAAAAA!

Tina (small): la

Teddy (sings):  Laalalaaa.

Louise: Stop it! Stop it!

Bob: All of you stop.

Gene: I give up. You’ve ruined it now. I’ll probably end up in Hollywood.

Why Bob's Burgers?

Meet Bob - burger artist extraordinaire.

Bob's Burgers is an American animated sitcom created by Loren Bouchard. The series centres on the Belcher family – parents Bob and Linda, and their children Tina, Gene, and Louise – who run a hamburger restaurant.

While the Simpsons remain the most famous animated family, Bob and Co. are fast earning their place as one of the most relatable and likeable families on TV. There is a huge ensemble cast of extended family, friends, neighbours and customers and a healthy love of puns throughout. Though the situations they find themselves in are often absurd, the family dynamic is always believable and remains the core of the show. I guess it also helps that it is one of the funniest programmes currently in production - animated or otherwise.

So get ready for the grand re-re-re-opening of Bob's Burgers on Thoughtballoons!

P.S. I hope everyone includes a Burger of the Day pun :)
http://bobsburgerpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Burger_of_the_Day

The TARDIS – DeLorious – Brian Manton

1.

Splash page

The background is split into sections by diagonal zig-zag lines. Each of these bkg panels shows a different time period – The Cretaceous Period (T-Rex), Roman times (Centurions), the 80’s (T-Rex), the future (jetpacks).

In the foreground, existing in all or flitting between these time periods, we see the Back to the Future DeLorean crashed into the side of the TARDIS.

The Doctor scans the DeLorean with the sonic screwdriver.

Doc Brown pokes his head through the TARDIS doors.

The Doctor:  Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow?

Doc Brown:  Precisely!

TARDIS - 8 1/2 - R.A. Wonsowski

The page should be white without panel borders; panels should almost be implied, with maybe a blur focus at the edges to make the divisions more obvious...Caption boxes should be in blue boxes with white lettering.

1 - From a distance, we see the 8TH DOCTOR floating cruciform, upside-down and askew, in the nothing; he is battered, bloodied, and most definitely "dead".  There is a Kirby-esque spear through his torso and his sonic screwdriver is nailed into the center of his forehead.

CAPTION:  I have watched you wage your private war forever.


2 - Close-up on the 8TH DOCTOR's face.  His eyes are rolled up and the bloody sonic screwdriver is flickering out.

CAPTION:  I have watched you bleed and die for a Creation that does not acknowledge your presence or thank you.


3 - Same as 2, but pull out a touch, as the TARDIS warps in the background.

CAPTION:  I have found you, and lost you, and found you again.


4 - Pull out a touch, as we see the impaled 8TH DOCTOR waver and shine as the regeneration begins, the TARDIS closer now.

CAPTION:  And I have sheltered your broken body and mind as you are born again.


5 - Close back in on the head and torso, the TARDIS closer now.  The DOCTOR has regenerated, the spear now gone, revealing the clean and unhurt 9TH incarnation.

CAPTION:  Because your war continues.  Because you are needed.


6 - Close-up on the 9TH DOCTOR's face, framed by the open door of the TARDIS, now right behind him. The DOCTOR's eyes are slammed wide open.

CAPTION:  Because I love you.

The TARDIS - Excellent - Niel Jacoby

Full splash: The TARDIS and the phone booth from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure are floating next to each other in the void you see in the DW intro sequence. The Doctor(Smith) and his companion(Clara) are staring in disbelief as they lean out the TARDIS door, and Bill S. Preston, Esq., Ted "Theodore" Logan, Ulysses S. Grant, Ada Lovelace, Catherine The Great, Andre The Giant(who is poking part of his upper body out the broken window of one of the sides just to fit), and Confucius look in amazement out of the phone booth.

Clara, The Doctor, Grant, Ted, Bill, Ada, Catherine, and Confucius: WHOOOOOA!

Andre: SACRE BLEU!

The TARDIS - Meridian - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: Long panel, extreme wide shot of the TARDIS in the Time Vortex. It is just barely visible, so small. At either end of the Vortex is an explosion hurtling towards the middle, where the TARDIS is. Both look like fiery meteors about to smash the little blue box.

DOCTOR (CAP): "Okay, so we're at the precise middle of time, exactly halfway between the Big Bang and the Heat Death, and the Universe is having a mid-life crisis."

Panel 2: The TARDIS Control Room (current version). The Doctor (11th) frantically works the controls, while pointing at the viewscreen depicting Panel 1 to a worried Clara.

DOCTOR: Someone has activated an energy magnet in the Vortex that is attracting those two points together through time -- the two most powerful energy outputs in history -- and if they collide at this perfect halfway moment, the shockwave will reverberate backwards and forwards in time equally, destroying everything that ever was or will be!

Panel 3: On Clara, panicked, as the Doctor continues working controls.

CLARA: Well, what are you gonna do?

DOCTOR: Me? Nothing.

Panel 4: Same as Panel 1, but now the energy explosions are closer to the TARDIS.

DOCTOR: It's up to the TARDIS now.

DOCTOR: She needs to reverse the polarity... of the Universe!

END OF PAGE

Tardis – Trojan Tardis – Shaun Richens.

PAGE 22 – PANELS 7

22.1

Page wide panel. The vast sea of men that make up the armies of Greece spread across the desert horizon. The fierce fighting men of Sparta clearly define the horizon of war before us. KING MENELAUS stands on his golden chariot, pulled by two white stallions at the helm of this host.

KING MENELAUS:

Return my woman to me and I shall consider leaving your walls intact.

KING MENELAUS:

My host outnumber your brave but few warriors. We would envelop you like the ocean would a grain of sand.

22.2

Page wide panel. The huge towering walls of TROY stand strong. The fine archers of troy line the battlements. The massive wooden doors to the great city are locked and barred.

SFX:

VWORP

22.3

Repeat of 22.2 The small blue box that is the TARDIS now rests lightly on the hot sand in front of the gates of Troy.

SFX:

VWORP

22.4

Repeat of 22.3. The door of the Tardis is now open. The tenth DOCTOR (David Tennant) pokes his head out of the door.

THE DOCTOR:

Good afternoon Menelaus and the men of Greece. You don't know who I am. But I am known to most as the Doctor.

THE DOCTOR:

I'd like you to learn four more things about me today.

THE DOCTOR:

One, I do despise bullies.

22.5

Repeat of 22.4 The Doctor has now fully stepped outside of the Tardis, both doors are wide open but we cant see inside.

THE DOCTOR:

Two, I am a sucker for a love story, and oh boy does young Paris of this here nation of Troy love the fair Helen, no longer of Sparta.

22.6

Repeat of 22.5 But a small host of figures have started to emerge from the Tardis and flank the Doctor, a band of Vikings, a samurai warrior, a humanoid reptilian battle monk with a quarter staff, a world war II british sniper, an android that is battered and scratched. Figures still in shadow file out from the great and vast Tardis.

THE DOCTOR:

Three, when you're as old as I am you have made a friend or two.

22.7

Insert panel in the right hand corner of 22.6. Close up on the Doctor.

THE DOCTOR:

Four if I can't break history a little, who can?

TARDIS – Dude, Where’s Your TARDIS? - MK Stangeland Jr.

(5 Panels)

PANEL 1: View from inside a Police Box, the kind that the TARDIS is disguised to look like. The door is open, and standing in front of it are DOCTOR WHO and EDWARD (new character, no reference.) DOCTOR WHO looks perplexed at what he’s seeing.

PANEL 2: Outside the police box with DOCTOR WHO and EDWARD in LONDON. DOCTOR WHO closes the door.

DOCTOR WHO: That’s not right. That’s not right at all.

EDWARD: This isn’t the TARDIS.

PANEL 3: DOCTOR WHO looks around to see if there’s something he’s missing.

DOCTOR WHO (1): This should be the TARDIS.

DOCTOR WHO (2): I’m certain I left it right here.

PANEL 4: DOCTOR WHO opens the Police Box door again and looks inside to confirm that no, it is not in fact the TARDIS.

DOCTOR WHO: Where’s my TARDIS?

EDWARD: You don’t know where your TARDIS is?

PANEL 5: DOCTOR WHO slams the Police Box door shut.

DOCTOR WHO: It’s certainly not here.

SFX: SLAM!

EDWARD: Dude, where’s your TARDIS?

(END PAGE)