Thursday, December 12, 2013
Bob's Burgers - If Different Writers Wrote Bob's Burgers - J.D. Coughlan
Panel 1: In the art style of Ivan Reis. Close-up of a burger sitting on a counter. Very detailed.
CAPTION: Geoff Johns
BOB (CAP): My name is Bob Belcher.
BOB (CAP): When I was a child, my father would take me for a burger every weekend...
BOB (CAP): Then he died, and I vowed to make burgers every day of my life for him.
Panel 2: In the art style of John Romita Jr. Wide shot of Bob's burger joint. A thug in a leather jacket and balaclava smashes through the window, firing off a gun. Bob levels a shotgun at him from behind the counter. Customers and Bob's family run screaming.
CAPTION: Mark Millar
THUG: THIS IS A SHITTING ROBBERY!
BOB: Today's Burger of the Day: YOUR ASS-BURGERS!
Panel 3: In the art style of Bryan Hitch. Close up of Bob's face as he looks contemplative. Almost the entire panel is captions.
CAPTION: Brian Michael Bendis
BOB (CAP): Okay, here's the deal... I'm Bob, I make burgers.
BOB (CAP): But that's... Listen, that's not all there is to me, okay?
BOB (CAP): I got my family too. That's a whole other thing. Okay?
BOB (CAP): What I'm saying-- Look, listen... what I'm trying to say is... there's more to me than burgers, okay?
BOB (CAP): Seriously.
BOB (CAP): Come on!
BOB (CAP): ExACTly.
BOB (CAP): Okay?
Panel 4: In the style of Kevin O'Neill. Wide shot of the diner. There is an extraordinary level of detail in the background. Like, you can see characters' entire life stories. In the foreground, a mysterious customer sits at the counter, talking with Bob, and looking with far too much interest at his burger.
CAPTION: Alan Moore
CUSTOMER: What horrors from the Hells of Dante and Milton take form in this, a maddening gastronomic conflagration of what once were delicacies, sits now in front of me? Oh, for the bygone days when once a man could enjoy a simple meal without such grotesque deformities of former simplicities.
BOB: So, you want ketchup with that?
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