D4VE - Night On The Town - Niel Jacoby

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Panel 1: D4VE is waking up in a back alley, clearly roughed up.

D4VE: WHAT THE?
(link)
*sigh*... REPLAY.

Panel 2: D4VE's memory replay. He is taking many shots of oil, a crowd around him. These replay shots are all from D4VE's perspective.

Crowd: 1! 10! 11! 100! 101! 110! 111! 1000! (AND SO ON)

Panel 3: Corrupted, warped footage, FILE CORRUPT in block letters at the bottom. We can kind of see that he's driving a car.

Panel 4: D4VE talking to a prostitute. The prostitute is obviously sick of his shit

D4VE: COME ON, SAY IT!

Prostitute: I'D RATHER NOT.

D4VE: COME OOOOOOOON!

Prostitute:  FIIIIIIIINE. DEAD OR ALIVE, YOU'RE CUMMING IN ME!

Panel 5: More corrupted footage. We can see a little bit of what he's doing, and it's sex. again, FILE CORRUPT in block letters.

Speech bubble: (INAUDIBLE) SPOOGE, CREEP!

Panel 6: D4VE's head is flying into the air, and we see through its eyes as it looks downward on D4VE in a robot fighting ring, his headless body flying backward from a punch from a big blue boxing robot.

PA: YOU KNOCKED HIS BLOCK OFF!

Panel 7: black panel, END OF REPLAY in white block letters.

Panel 8: D4VE back in the alley.

D4VE: FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCK*10^25.

D4ve – Electric Sheep – Shaun Richens.

PAGE ONE – 5 PANELS

1.1

PAGE WIDE PANEL. A monstrously large alien beast lies unconscious in the road. Smashed and abandoned cars line the street.

D4VE stands atop the beast in full hero mode. He looks confident and cool, he casually leans his elbow on the butt of an infeasibly big chrome gun.

A crowd has gathered. They listen silently as D4ve speaks. Looking up at him like a god.

D4VE:

...And the day is won.

Once again metal is mightier than flesh.

1.2

PAGE WIDE PANEL. Repeat of 1.1 The crowd have erupted into cheers and chanting.

D4VE has dropped his head, looking to the floor. His eye closed. One arm raised in the air fist closed (Think Judd Nelson at the end of The Breakfast Club) D4ve is loving every, single second of this.

THE CROWD:

D4VE. D4VE. D4VE. D4VE.

1.3

Close up on hero D4VE.

S4LLY(O.P):

D4ve

1.4

The blurry outline of S4LLY as she leans over the couch. We're looking at her from the couch. From D4VES POV.

S4LLY:

Boot the fuck up D4ve, you're guna be late for work.

1.5

Birds eye view. Looking straight down onto D4VE. He lies on the couch. One arm behind his head. He's still wearing his shirt from the day before.

D4VE:

Job damn.

D4ve – Careful What You /Ask: For – MK Stangeland Jr.

(4 Panels)

(Lead In explanation – an alien race finds Earth, and after taking a look at it from orbit for a while, come to a conclusion that’s more or less in line with the ‘robots killed off humans’ back story of the comic. Which, in the aliens minds, means that the robots are dangerous and need to be terminated. So they called in)

Panel 1: A handful of alien capital ships are in orbit over Earth and shooting lasers down at the planets surface.

SXF: Pew! PEW! Pew!

Panel 2: A heavily fortified military bunker underneath Earth’s surface where officers and soldiers are rushing about as they try to coordinate in response to what’s going on above them somehow.

General H0g4n: We need all forces! Call up EVERYONE, active, inactive, retired, EVERYONE!

Panel 3: Close up on D4VE, where we can only see his head without knowing what’s around him.

D4VE (1): Yes?

D4VE (2): Uh-huh.

D4VE (3): I see…

D4VE (4): Where am I?

Panel 4: Wide shot of D4VE as he tries to escape the city as it is getting blow up around him.

D4VE: I’m currently a little busy trying not to die, actually.

(END PAGE)

D4VE - Up In Arms - Grant McLaughlin

All word balloons in the imagined scenes would be little images instead of actual dialogue.  Until the final panel, every panel should be framed so that D4VE is in profile and the reader can only ever see the right side of his body.  And if you can have D4VE in a similar positioning from panel to panel, that would be an added bonus.

1 - S4LLY and D4VE are in the kitchen, sitting at the table having their oil and Iron Loops.  S4LLY asks D4VE a question, which causes him to look up at the ceiling in frustration.

S4LLY: I see you haven't been to the shop yet.

D4VE: S4LLY, you know how I feel about the shop.

2 - Switch scene to an imagined waiting room.  There are a few robots sitting and waiting.  D4VE slouches on his chair, his head back in utter boredom.  The receptionist-bot calls out some other robots.

CAPTION (D4VE): They always call all the other robots before me.

RECEPTIONIST-BOT: [image of a robot's head followed by a question mark] [image of a different robot's head followed by a question mark]

3 - Now in an imagined doctor's office, which for robots is actually an individual-sized mechanic's garage.  The doctor robot should be sleek and perhaps on the smaller side to emphasize her newness.  Her clothing is a mixture between a doctor and a mechanic, wearing a stereotypical head mirror and mechanic jumpsuit, for example.  The doctor looks at her tablet for information on D4VE.  For his part, D4VE is sitting on a robot-sized car lift, wearing a hospital gown, once again slouching with his head back in utter boredom.

CAPTION (D4VE): And once I finally get to see someone, it's invariably some know-it-all model whose barely off the shelf they're so new.

DOCTOR: [big exaggerated ellipses]

4 - Still in the imagined doctor's office.  The appointment is over and D4VE and the doctor are shaking hands.  Like the earlier panels, D4VE has his head back in boredom / frustration.

CAPTION (D4VE): Who then proceed to charge me an arm and a leg to tell me what I already know.

DOCTOR: [dollar signs]

5 - Back in the kitchen.  Similar panel to panel 1.  D4VE could actually be looking at S4LLY in this instance (or perhaps at his bowl of Iron Loops).

S4LLY: They also usually fix what's wrong with you.

D4VE: I'm making do.

6 - Same scene, but the angle is switched slightly.  It is now obvious that D4VE's left arm is not attached to his body.  Indeed, it's sitting next to him on the table, detached and in rough shape.  S4LLY looks at him deadpanly; D4VE nonchalantly has a drink of oil.

S4LLY: Your arm's off, D4VE.

D4VE: Yeah, my left arm.

D4VE - 54GE 4DV1CE - Ben Rosenthal

1.  5COTTY is sitting in his room with various amounts of metal tube surrounding him.  Some are joined together while others lay on the floor.  5COTTY is holding some blueprints in his hand, frustrated as he trie to work out how to put the contraption together.  The door to 5COTTY's room is ajar, with D4VE peeking through.

5COTTY
Damn stupid crap.


2.  D4VE is walking in to the room, seeing an opportunity to bond with his son.

D4VE
Whatchya got there?  Need a hand?

5COTTY
Privacy man!


3.  Close up of D4VE with the instructions in his hand.  As he is holding them up we can see through the paper what the contraption is - it's a long set of tubes hooked up to a robot head - it's a blow job machine.  He is shocked by what 5COTTY is building.

D4VE
Is this.......what is this?

5COTTY
Yeah it's an SSB.  You gonna ground me now?


4.  D4VE is looking at the instructions, registering how it works.  He is looking over the details of it, thinking.


5.  D4VE is handing the instructions back to 5COTTY.

D4VE
Let me have a go when it's done.

Clean it first though.

D4VE - G00D F04 N0THING ... M4Y8E S0M3THING - Simon McDonald

1.
FR4NK is sitting behind his desk at the Water-Power Plant, arms folded. FISH3R is behind him, standing, matching the aggressive pose. A scrawny robot is sitting on the other side of the desk, pensive. Clearly an outdated model. Rusted, chipped, in terrible condition. He doesn't have fingers; he has vacuums for hands.

FR4NK

- - checked your RAM, P4T, and I've got to say - -

FISH3R

It's terrible.

FR4NK

- - it's the worst. The absolute worst.

2.

On P4T.

P4T

Well, I - -

3.

FR4NK has his hand raised, silencing P4T, going for earnest, not quite able to pull it off

FR4NK

I mean, look, I appreciate your history.

Some bot's got to do the menial work, right?

Not your fault that's what you were programmed for.

4.

Tighter on FR4NK.

FR4NK

But my secretary - -

FISH3R

Executive secretary.

FR4NK

- - my executive secretary - - 

- - needs to at least seven upgrades higher than you.

FISH3R

At least.

5.

P4T is despondent. FR4NK seems to take pity on him.

FR4NK

Now, I may be heartless, but that doesn't mean I don't admire

sturdy programming and durability.

I think your specs are perfect for another role.

6.

Cut to D4V3's office. He's on a call. His thumb and pinkie are extended - mimicking a phone. P4T is behind him. Vacuuming, because that's all he can do, which is no help to anyone.

SFX

Vmmmmmmmmm

D4V3

- - no, that's not static, it's - -

- - my secretary, yes, he's a - -

- - no, he, uh - -

- - he won't stop.





Why D4VE?

D4VE is a series from Monkeybrain Comics, penned by Ryan Ferrier and illustrated by Valentin Ramon, about a former hero who used to fight monsters and aliens while protecting the planet, but having vanquished his enemies, now finds the monotony of everyday life grinding him down, stuck in a soul-sucking desk job as an account manager for the water power-plant, suffering through an epic mid-life crisis.

D4VE is a robot. Who lives on an Earth inhabited solely by robots. Because, seriously now, in the final confrontation between man and machine, flesh and bone loses every time. But with all his battles won, D4V3 is lost, pining over his glory days.

Based on the first two issues, D4VE may get the opportunity to live them. But not without dealing with the mess he’s made of his family and professional life.

Part action/adventure, part comedy, D4V3 is a brilliantly innovative sci-fi comic from two creators you should definitely keep an eye on. Let’s see if the Thoughtballooners can do their robot hero justice! 

Samurai Jack - Sabishii Desu - Brian Manton

1.
Wide panel.
Jack is emerging from an alien looking forest, black tree bark and leaves with cracks and veins of bright pink.
His guide, a cyborg-baboon, points to an ominous mountain in the distance (panel right).

CAP (JACK):  Even in a world so strange

2.
View from behind Jack as he treks up the arduous mountain path.

CAP (JACK):  Perhaps a few days will pass

3.
Side view. You can tell from Jack's stubbled face that days have passed. The pathway has long since given up on its ascent but Jack, though weary, struggles on up the rocky incline, using his sheathed sword for balance.

CAP (JACK):  a week

4.
As Jack hauls himself to the summit we see a bustling trading town at the top of the mountain, seemingly run by bird-creatures. Aliens, monsters, robots and mutants buy and sell their wares.

CAP (JACK):  a month

5.
Close on Jack's face - he has noticed something.

CAP (JACK):  but eventually

6.
A human face in the crowd. A beautiful young woman.

CAP (JACK):  I think I see her face

7.
Wide.
Jack, small in the panel, looks defeated. The alien landscape of this future stretches in the distance behind him.

CAP (JACK):  and then I remember she's a million years away.

Samurai Jack - A long time ago in the future... - R. A. Wonsowski

Samurai Jack may be Genndy Tartakovsky's masterpiece, but his Star Wars: Clone Wars microseries is still a personal favourite, especially as it introduced one of my favourite characters...

Asajj Ventriss

NO COPY ON THIS PAGE.

Layout:
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Panel 1 - VENTRISS appears from a roof access door atop a Japanese skyscraper, lightsabers glowing in her hands at her side.  The futuristic Tokyo skyline is the background. The sky is afire.

Panel 2 - VENTRISS (left) and SAMURAI JACK (right) face each other on the rooftop.  VENTRISS has assumed a battle stance, the roof access behind her, while JACK stands poised, upright, hand on the hilt of his katana as if ready to draw his sword.  His face however, is in a hard Clint-Eastwood-like stare.

Panel 3 - Close-up, the glaring eyes of VENTRISS.

Panel 4 - Close-up, JACK's eyes, hard and piercing.

Panel 5 - VENTRISS, her profile, rose-coloured in the glow of her lightsabers, her teeth bared.

Panel 6 - JACK's profile, his face unchanged.

Panel 7 - VENTRISS adjusts her stance, shifts the positions of her sabers.

Panel 8 - Close-up on JACK's hand on his sword hilt, the blade just peeking out from the scabbard.

Panel 9 - Close-up, VENTRISS's right eye and brow, which is beginning to furrow as a drop of sweat drips down her temple.

Panel 10 - Same POV as Panel 2, as VENTRISS slinks in retreat back down into the roof access, lightsabers still in hand but off.  JACK has not moved, his stare unchanged.

(my inspiration for this page is a quote from the samurai master swordsman, Musashi: "The ultimate aim in mastering the martial arts is to never have to use them.")

Samurai Jack - Leap To The Past - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: Samurai Jack wakes up after making camp in the techno-jungles. He seems uncharacteristically unsure of his surroundings.

Jack: ?

Panel 2: Jack stumbles over to a puddle on the ground

NO COPY

Panel 3: Jack splashes water onto his face in an attempt to refresh himself.

NO COPY

Panel 4: We see Jack's reflection in the water is actually that of Dr. Sam Beckett in Jack's signature outfit.

Sam: ZIGGY?

Samurai Jack - The Pirates of Time - J.D. Coughlan

Panel 1: Jack, in a dark alley, turns as a time portal opens behind him.

JACK: A time portal!

Panel 2: Jack running towards the portal.

JACK: At last, I can return home!

Panel 3: A bunch of steampunk-looking pirates burst forth from the portal, their captain, Kronux, knocks Jack down.

KRONUX: AH-HARR!

JACK: OOF!

Panel 4: Wide shot. Jack is already leaping to his feet, hand on his sword. Kronux points his own sword at Jack. The portal is closing.

KRONUX: Samurai Jack! I am Captain Kronux of the timeship Eternity's Gold! We are the Pirates of Time!

KRONUX: My crew and I have sailed the seven eons, plundering treasures from across history, but their is one we yet seek...

KRONUX: YOUR HEAD!

Panel 5: Close on Jack, his eyes in a death stare.

NO TEXT

Panel 6: Jack launches himself towards Kronux, sword drawn. Kronux takes a defensive stance, a look of glee on his face.

JACK: YAH!

END OF PAGE

Samurai Jack – What Hasn’t Been – MK Stangeland Jr.

(6 Panels)

Panel 1: On top of a scenic hillside in ancient Japan. JACK is lying on a blanket, while a woman, MAI (no reference), lies next to him.

MAI: <Is our not simply perfect?>

JACK (1): <No. It is not.>

JACK (2): <There is something wrong. Very wrong.>

Panel 2: MAI sits up with a concerned look on her face. She looks down at JACK.

MAI: <It is not? My dear, what is wrong?>

JACK: <I do not know, but I know that something is very amiss.>

Panel 3: JACK sits up and scoots away from MAI a little.

JACK (1): <Something has felt wrong ever since I first awoke and laid eyes on you.>

MAI (1): <My husband, please…>

JACK (2): <Such as your inability to say my name.>

MAI (2): <Jack, please…>

Panel 4: JACK stands and looks down at MAI.

JACK (1): <That is not it.>

JACK (2): <Tell me, woman, what is the truth here?>

MAI: <This is…>

JACK: <No. None of this is truth. This is all a lie.>

Panel 5: JACK turns around to see the form of AKU towering above him from the distance.

AKU: YOU FOOL! Even when I gift you a life of paradise, you must continue to plague me!?

JACK: AKU!

AKU: You could have a happy ending! Never before have I given this to ANYONE!

Panel 6: JACK pulls his sword out from nowhere – which he can do because this is all inside his head – as the world around him starts to fade, though the effect should be subtle to start with.

JACK (1): This is not a happy ending!

JACK (2): This is a lie!

JACK (3): And to accept it would be to accept defeat and to allow your reign to continue!

(END PAGE)

Samurai Jack - The Samurai and the Thief - Grant McLaughlin

1 - Jack stands in the house of a high class man and woman.  While this is set in the dystopian hyperfuture city that is seen throughout the show, the man and woman are dressed in something that would be a mix of that aesthetic and the 1920s.  The three figures stand in front of a case (akin to a china cabinet) that is filled with gems, jewels, and other priceless looking baubles.  However, in the middle of it all is a stand that is without its ware (perhaps have a dotted outline or lines from where it would be to emphasize its absence.  The man should point despairingly towards the missing items, the woman should hold a handkerchief to dab her crying eyes, and Jack should stand pensively.

NO COPY

2 - Jack, wearing his hat, wanders through the city backstreets, keeping an eye out for his quarry.  Feel free to populate the background with any manner of shabby looking people and objects you'd like.

NO COPY

3 - A panel close-up on Jack's eyes.  They are open wide, having seen something.

NO COPY

4 - Jack has apprehended a particularly shabby looking man, grabbing his by an arm that holds an expensive looking jewel that is presumably the missing one Jack has been tasked to find.  Jack looks earnest and perhaps a little disappointed; the shabby looking man is alarmed.  They stand before a blanket / curtain hanging along the wall

NO COPY

5 - The shabby looking man pulls back the curtain / blanket to reveal his scared and shabby looking family.  A woman holds a baby to her chest in a protective manner and a small girl hugs her in a frightened way, seeking her protection.  While fully visible, they make as if trying to hide from the world and its many dangers.  The shabby looking man looks towards Jack meaningfully; Jack wears a mixture of shock and sadness.

NO COPY

6 - Return to the scene of the first panel.  Jack, his face downturned, shakes his head in apology.  The man and lady wear disappointed looks on their faces.

NO COPY

Samurai Jack - So We Wait- Shaun Richens.

PAGE ONE – 6 PANELS.

1.1

Page wide panel. We open in the burning ruins of JACK's home city. The evil shape-shifting wizard AKU stands with his back to us. The black and white swirling rip in time pulsates before him. JACK is flying through the air towards the rip.

AKU:

HAHAHAHA!

1.2

Repeat 1.1 The rip in time is closing up. Only a small tear still open, Jacks arm reaches through it. The last piece of our hero slipping away.

AKU:

And so the great Aku is the victor.

VOICE (O.P):

Not so, Aku.

1.3,1.4,1.5 make up a row of three equal sized panels. Each panel shows Aku slowing turning towards us and the voice. His mouth drops and his eyes are getting wider and wider as his gaze turns more towards us.

AKU (Speechbubble covers all three panels):

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

1.6

Page wide panel. Standing in front of a new tear in time is a much older version of JACK. He wears his hair loose and long , it reaches all down his back, his face has a full beard. A golden crown sits atop his head. A dark blue cloak billows all about him, it his held to his tunic by a golden talon clasp. Jack stands sword raised to battle. His face steely calm.

JACK:

I have waited a lifetime for this moment...

Why Samurai Jack.

Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape-shifting Master of Darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me.

Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Aku!

Only we, brave Thoughtballooners can help Jack on his journey. 

Penny Arcade - Lesser Evils - Brian Manton

1.
Gabe & Tycho sit on the couch. Gabe is fixated on his phone - playing Candy Crush Saga. Tycho watches the game with interest.
Gabe's grandmother stands behind the couch holding a mug of coffee. She looks at them with distasteful confusion.

Gabe: Y'see gran, I use real money to buy Credits which I then use to purchase Boosters which help me beat the level. You used to be able to buy Charms which were more expensive but could be used more than once. They were really good. I miss charms.

Tycho: Lozenge. Orange Lozenge.

2.
Same shot. Tycho points.

Tycho: Lemon Drop.

3.
Same shot.

Gran:  Maybe go back to the hooker killing game?

Tycho: Jelly Bean. Jelly Bean.

Penny Arcade - Missing the Point - R.A. Wonsowski

Layout:
111122

Panel 1 - A pastiche of the cover of Uncanny X-Men 123, except instead of the usual mutants, INSPECTOR GADGET is running and malfunctioning between the giant pinball bumpers.  The inset panel shows the face of his niece PENNY, gasping in fear as she looks on.  In the background, the giant ginger head of ARCADE cackles behind his hideous bow tie.

CAPTION:  Penny vs. Arcade in MurderWorld (pat.pend.) - with Gadget in the Crossfire!!!


Panel 2 - TYCHO points at ME, in a Deadpool mask, flannel checked shirt, khakis, and barefoot, shrugging my shoulders, arguing with NIEL JACOBY, who is facepalming.  GABE shares the same posture.

CAPTION:  Y'see?!?  This is what happens when you're not here, Niel!  SHAME!!!

ME:  Hey, it made sense to me...

Penny Arcade – Free to Play – MK Stangeland Jr.

(3 Panels)

Panel 1: GABE is at a computer. Some kind of sound effects should appear to be coming out of it that would be appropriate for LEAGUE OF LEGENDS. TYCHO stands behind him.

TYCHO (1): Is this that ‘League of Legends’ game?

GABE (1): That it is! Now scoot, I need to concentrate!

TYCHO (2): How much have you spent on it?

GABE (2): It’s free to play, Tycho. Which means I don’t have to spend anything!

Panel 2: TYCHO leans in to look closer at the computer screen. GABE looks slightly annoyed by TYCHO’s continued presence, while the SFX continue to come from the computer.

TYCHO (1): Is that a standard skin?

GABE (1): No, this is an unlockable.

TYCHO (2): And you unlock it by?

GABE (2): By buying it.

Panel 3: TYCHO stands back up and has a smug look on his face. GABE looks frustrated as he continues to play. SFX should still be present.

TYCHO (1): How much did you say you’ve spent on it?

GABE (1): $5000.

TYCHO (2): But the game is free…

GABE (2): Shut up before I murder you.

(END PAGE)

Penny Arcade - Something to Crow About - Grant McLaughlin

I've long been a big Penny Arcade fan, but some of my all time favourite characters have always been Carl and the Deep Crow.  So without being too esoteric (okay, with being pretty danged esoteric), you should probably follow some of these hyperlinks for this script to make much sense if you aren't familiar with the arcane creature and the man who tamed it (if it's any consolation, those four strips are pretty much the only ones these characters appear in, so it isn't hard to get caught up).

With apologies:

1 – Carl, now an old man, lies in a hospital bed. Next to him is the colossal Deep Crow. Both should be within the panel, emphasizing how ridiculous the situation is (while still playing it straight). While Carl's in a hospital gown, he still wears his “Brogan” exterminator trucker cap. He knows his time is nearly come, but that doesn't upset him. He smiles tiredly, rubbing the Deep Crow tenderly on its hellish beak. The Deep Crow's body language is sad and demure, as it dabs at its many eyes with a giant handkerchief held by one of its talons.

CARL (1): We both know we had a good run. And it lasted far longer than either of us ever could have hoped.

CALR (2): So no tears.

2 – Closer-up, the Deep Crow puts on a brave face, standing straighter and lowering the handkerchief (which should be off-panel). Carl's smile remains, but his eyes close as his hand falls from the Deep Crow's beak. If possible, have the word balloon tailoff to represent his passing.

CARL (1): That's a good girl.

CARL (2): That's a pretty--

3 – The Deep Crow is perched on top of a tall building, ripping it to shreds in anger.   Its wings are spread wide and its maw bellows in a horrible rage.  Small planes attempt to bombard it with bombs, but man's weaponry is no match for this ancient beast. In the fore and backgrounds, the city is on fire, burning under the Deep Crow's destructive power.

DEEP CROW: CAWKRAAA!

Penny Arcade - The Next Logical Step - Ben Rosenthal

1. Gabe and Tycho are sitting at a desk looking at a contract in front of them (we can see the words CONTRACT on the top of the paper).  They are trying to make a hard decision about their future.

GABE
Are you sure this is the right thing to do?

TYCHO
It's the next logical step.


2. Tycho continues, making his point and way of thinking clear to Gabe, who is now enthusiastic about it.  

TYCHO
The webcomic is self-funding, PAX is an international success AND we donate huge amounts of money to charity each year.  I think it is time to take it to the next level.

We have to do this Gabe.  We have to!

GABE
Ok Tycho.  Letr's do it.


3.  Gabe and Tycho are in a tv studio.  Both are grappling, fighting for their lives with bears.  Above them is sign saying 'Celebrity Bear Fight'.

Penny Arcade - Another 3 - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: Tycho and Gabe standing across from each other

Tycho: DID YOU SEE THAT NEW XBOX ONE? SOMETHING SOMETHING BLAST PROCESSING!

Gabe: SOMETHING SOMETHING WII U SOMETHING SOMETHING PENIS

Panel 2: same as 1

Tycho: SOMETHING SOMETHING BIG WORDS SOMETHING SOMETHING FUCKTARD

Gabe: SOMETHING SOMETHING SONIC? IS SONIC STILL A THING?

Panel 3: same as 1

Caption: SORRY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT VIDEO GAMES THAT DON'T INVOLVE PRO WRESTLING.

Why Penny Arcade?

Because I was on vacation with my family all week before it was my turn to choose, so I was tapped out and Ben chose something at random. Go hog wild.

The Batmobile – Wake – Brian Manton

1.
Wide horizontal panel.
The front of the Batmobile, cropped close. Hints of motion blur, but most of the bkg is cropped from frame.

2.
Side view of the Batmobile as it speeds down a Gotham street (right to left). It is night – all browns and greys.
The background is motion blurred but we can still decipher the setting.

3.
Large panel.
Single point perspective shot of the street, high rise apartment blocks either side. The Batmobile is tiny in the distance. Smoke and vapour bend, still disturbed in its wake.

A few people hang out of their windows and stand on their fire escapes looking down the street after the almighty noise. (Reminiscent of the "I'm mad as hell" scene from Network, minus the shouting).

The Batmobile - Born This Way - R.A.Wonsowski

Setting: interior, the Batcave.

Panel 1 - BATMAN slips into the driver's seat of the Batmobile, settling into the seat, ready for action.

NO COPY


Panel 2 - Interior Batmobile, BATMAN turns the ignition on the Batmobile.

NO COPY


Panel 3 - Same as Panel 2, except the radio blasts full volume, BATMAN cringes in pain at the blaring noise as he tries to cover his ears

BATMOBILE RADIO:  RAH-RAH-AH-AH-AH-AH!!  ROMA-ROMA-MAMAA!!  GA-GA-OOHLALA!!

Panel 4 - Same as Panel 3, but now BATMAN just looks extremely annoyed.

BATMOBILE RADIO:  CAN'T READ MY - CAN'T READ MY - NO HE CAN'T READ MY POKER FACE!!!

Panel 5 - BATMAN is now standing outside the idling Batmobile in the cave.  He's growling, fists clenched, in annoyed anger at ALFRED, who is standing proudly at attention, holding a feather duster and sporting a black Lady Gaga lightning bolt over his right eye.

ALFRED:  It's true, Master Wayne.  I admit it, I am one of her..."Little Monsters"

BATMAN:  I don't care, just turn it back down when you're done!!

Batmobile - War Zone - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: shot of the arena at a mid-to-late-1998 episode of Monday Night Raw. Mr. McMahon and Two-Face are standing in the ring together, shaking hands.

Caption(JR): BAH GAWD, I THOUGHT VINCE MCMAHON COULDN'T GET ANY LOWER, AND NOW HE'S GONE AND PAIRED UP WITH THE CLOSEST THING TO PURE EVIL YOU CAN GET! WHAT A DISGRACE!

Caption(King): AW PIPE DOWN, JR, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS YOU DON'T HAVE A SUIT AS NICE AS MR. DENT'S!

Panel 2: Close on Dent and Mr. McMahon talking in the ring.

Two-Face: WITH BOTH OUR RESOURCES POOLED, I CAN FINALLY TAKE CARE OF THAT MEDDLESOME BATMAN-

McMahon: AND I CAN GET RID OF THAT BALD NUISANCE AUSTIN ONCE AND FOR ALL! WHY, IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER, I'D SAY IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TR-

Panel 3: Same angle as last panel, Two-Face and Mr.McMahon look, startled, towards the entrance ramp. We cannot actually see the entrance ramp yet.

SFX: KRSSSSSSH!

Panel 4: Shot of the entrance ramp, as the Batmobile drives in. Robin is at the wheel, as Batman is busy standing on top of the Batmobile with Steve Austin. Both men have cans of beer. Steve Austin is wearing his Smoking Skull championship http://i72.servimg.com/u/f72/11/62/35/25/o_belt10.jpg, and we can see that utility belt pouches have been added onto it. Batman and Stone Cold have microphones.

Caption(JR): STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN AND THE CAPED CRUSADER HIMSELF HAVE JUST DRIVEN INTO MONDAY NIGHT RAW!

Caption(King): AW, DAMMIT, I THOUGHT AUSTIN WAS GONE FOR GOOD THIS TIME!

Batman: TWO-FACE, YOUR DAYS OF CRIME ARE THROUGH- AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE!

Austin: 'CAUSE STONE COLD-

Batman: -AND THE BATMAN-

Austin and Batman in unison: -SAID SO!

SFX: Austin's music is playing loudly behind them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXSn1cPz9eg

Inset panel: Batman and Austin bash their beer cans together in celebration.

The Batmobile - Chicks Dig the Car - J.D. Coughlan

Set just after Bruce Wayne "died" and Dick Grayson took over as Batman, Dick has invited his best friend, Wally West (The Flash), to the Batcave to talk.

Panel 1: Wide shot. Wally stands next to the Batmobile on one side of the panel, blur lines trailing from the other side where Dick stands. Both are in costume (Dick as Batman).

WALLY: So, I guess that means you get to drive the car now, huh? Pretty cool.

DICK: I've driven the car before, Wally.

Panel 2: Close on Wally. He leans over the car's hood, gesturing at it like it's a priceless artefact.

WALLY: Yeah, but now it's yours.

WALLY: C'mon, let's take it for a spin.

Panel 3: Dick walks over to Wally and the car, a slight grin on his face.

DICK: Why do you want a ride in the car? You're faster than its top speed just jogging.

Panel 4: Wally opens the passenger door and gets in.

WALLY: Sometimes, man, it's not about speed, it's about cool.

WALLY: Trust me, I'm a mechanic, I know cars.

Panel 5: Dick, still grinning, gets in the driver's side.

WALLY (O.P.): Now, let's go cruising for chicks. They love cool cars.

DICK: You're a married man.

Panel 6: Another wide shot of the Batmobile. Dick and Wally's speech bubbled come from inside it.

WALLY: We're not gonna pick any of 'em up, we're just cruising, like "'sup, ladies?"

DICK: Is this a mid-life crisis?

WALLY: Shut up and drive.

END OF PAGE

Batmobile – Goodbye Horses - Shaun Richens.

PAGE ONE – 6 PANELS.

All page wide panels.

1.1

Int. THE BATCAVE. Birds eye view looking down onto the BATMOBILE. The bonnet is up and open, a small amount of smoke pours from several parts of the engine. Light punctures through a smattering of bullet holes in the bonnet.

From underneath the front end of the car we can see BRUCE WAYNES legs, he is still wearing the bottom half of his BATMAN armour.

NO COPY.

1.2

Ext. GOTHAM CITY. The batmobile speeds down an empty street, in a run down and seemingly abandoned part of downtown Gotham. The night sky is filled with heavy snow and a hail of bullets.

SFX:

Blam Blam Blam.

1.3

Int. The Batcave. Profile view of the batmobile. Bruce Wayne is still underneath, he wears a white vest, which is covered in oil and grease on his top half, he has a set of tools laid out next to him and a torch held between his teeth lighting the underside of the Batmobile as he works

NO COPY.

1.4

Ext. Gotham City. The Batmobile drifts around a sharp corner, snow is kicked up over the road all around the screeching tires. The backend of the Batmobile nearly clipping a building.

SFX:

Screech

1.5

Int. The Batcave. Bruce Wayne, stands with his back to us looking at the Batmobile, we can see the all of the car for the first time here. It has flat tires, smoke now really pouring from the engine, the backend dented, its in the worst way we have ever seen it.

Bruce wipes sweat from his forehead with his forearm. His hands are covered in oil and grease.

CAPTION BRUCE WAYNE:

I'll get you fixed.

1.6

The waterfall entrance to the Batcave. The front of the Batmobile is inside the cave, the water spills all over the car running off its sides. The drivers side door is swung open and a bloodied and beaten BATAMAN, in full armour collapses out of it.

CAPTION BRUCE WAYNE:

Because you got me home.

Batmobile - The Wheelman - Simon McDonald

1.
Establishing shot of the Gotham City Bank. It's night. The street is all but empty; a single, sleek sports car is parked on the opposite side of the road. From this angle we can't see The Wheelman inside the car. (He is not actually there, but that shouldn't be displayed at this stage). The bank alarm is jangling. A robbery has just occurred.
 

Caption

Gotham. Zero Year.

 

Caption - The Wheelman [1]

There is one certainly in Gotham City.

 

Caption - The Wheelman [2]

Commit a crime, and he will come for you.

 

SFX

Clang-Clang-Clang-Clang-Clang!

2.
Three ski-masked men burst out from the bank, running for the car. They're carrying bulging duffel bags. A few banknotes flutter in the air as they sprint.

Caption - The Wheelman

Only way to survive in Gotham nowadays is to be fast.

3.
As the robbers reach the car, pulling open the doors, the Batmobile screeches to a halt behind them, headlights on, blinding them. Robber #3 is already in the car, is looking to the drivers seat, which is empty.

SFX

Screeeeeech!

 

Robber #1

Arrgh!

 

Robber #2

Oh God!

 

Robber #3

Drive, you idi - No!

 

Caption - The Wheelman

But nothing is as fast as his wheels.

4.
The Batman, ejected from the Batmobile, lands on top of the intended getaway car. Behind him, The Wheelman sneaks into view, making a beeline for the Batmobile.

SFX

Crunch!

 

Caption - The Wheelman

In my line of work, that's a bad thing.

 

5.
The Wheelman sits in the Batmobile's drivers seat. His eyes are wide, taking in the console, and the array of buttons. It is unlike anything he has ever seen.

Caption - The Wheelman

I need to be the fastest.

 

6.
The robbers are tied together with Batrope. They are unconscious. The Batman's head is turned, watching the Batmobile speed past him.

Caption - The Wheelman

Now I am.

Batmobile - It's Fine - Grant McLaughlin

1 – Extreme close-up of a bright orange light. It's the Batmobile's engine light, although that isn't obvious from this panel.

ROBIN (off-panel): That doesn't concern you?

2 – Pull back to the cockpit (front seat?) of the Batmobile. The orange engine light is still visible and glowing brightly on the dashboard, but the main focus is Batman driving the car and Robin in the passenger seat. Batman is steely as ever, while Robin is on the defensive from Batman's insistent words. This should be the main panel of the page.

BATMAN (1): Not in the slightest.

BATMAN (2): I built the Batmobile with my own two hands, carefully selecting every piece and component.

BATMAN (3): I know everything there is to know about this car.

BATMAN (4): And I know that that light is wrong.

ROBIN: Oookay...

3 – Insert panel. The Batmobile is stopped on the side of the road, a dense black smoke billowing out from its hood. Batman and Robin stand in front of the vehicle, Batman looking frustrated and annoyed and Robin scratching his head awkwardly and looking off to the side to avoid eye contact. Both their word balloons have images instead of words (this panel could almost be in Dustin Nguyen's chibi style that comes up in Li'l Gotham on occasion).

ROBIN: ...

BATMAN: [a black squiggle of frustration that shares similarities with the cloud emanating from the Batmobile]

Batmobile - Out With the Old - Ben Rosenthal

1.  Batman stands in the Batcave with Robin.  This rendition of the Batcave is similar to the Nolan movie version - the tarmac for the Batmobile sits high above a chasm.  They are standing next to the Batmobile, which is completely trashed.

ROBIN
What are we going to do Batman?  It will take weeks for the Batmobile to be fully operational again.


2.  Same as Panel 1, however Batman has taken out a remote and is pushing a button.

sfx: beep.

ROBIN
Who repairs it anyway?  Alfred?  Can Alfred repair cars as well?  I bet it's Alfred.


3.  A large piece of metal has sprung from the side of the Batcave pushing the trashed Batmobile off the tarmac into the deep bottomless chasm.  Robin is shocked and surprised.


4. A new, shiny Batmobile has taken the place of the one that is now out of sight and tumbling towards it's demise.  Robin is looking at Batman in disbelief.

BATMAN
What?


5.  Looking up from the depths of the chasm as Batman and Robin walk away.  There are thousands of Batmobile parts piled up in the chasm.

BATMAN
I'm rich.

Batmobile – The Cover Version – MK Stangeland Jr.

(7 Panels)

Panel 1: BATMAN, in the BATMOBILE, is chasing after the JOKERMOBILE.

JOKER: Jingle Bells, Batman smells!

Panel 2: JOKER tosses something out of the JOKERMOBILE behind him towards the BATMOBILE.

JOKER: Robin laid an egg!

Panel 3: The thing that JOKER tossed at the BATMOBILE causes two of the BATMOBILE’s tires to pop.

SFX: TSS! TSS!

JOKER: Batmobile, popped a wheel…

Panel 4: BATMAN tries to keep the BATMOBILE under control.

Panel 5: BATMAN presses a button labeled ‘BAT-EMERGENCY SPARE TIRES’.

Panel 6: The BATMOBILE’s tires re-inflate.

SFX: Whmp! Whmp!

Panel 7: JOKER looks surprised and displeased at this turn of events.

JOKER: Hey, that’s not how it’s supposed to go!

(END)

Why the Batmobile?

Some superheroes have the power to fly. Other heroes build the power to fly. Some of them swing from place to place with ropes or web-lines. Still others have the power of runsfast or the ability to leap really far to get from Point A to Point B. While some have ‘getting from Point A to Point B’ as the entire basis for their superpowers.

Point is, like the rest of us, Superheroes need a way to get where they’re going so they can, among other things, do their job. However, they can’t rely on public transportation, and even running is far too slow for most of them. So if your power set doesn’t come with a power to help you get from Point A to Point B or follow after supervillains to try to stop their efforts to escape, what are you to do?

Well, if you’re multi-billionaire Bruce Wayne, you get yourself a car. But not just any car, mind you; you get yourself the car, the super-transportation that is probably the iconic superhero vehicle, a pimped out ride with more features than a Bond car and a lot more survivability; you get yourself the Batmobile. And then you use it to save the world in style.

TO THE BATMOBILE, THOUGHT BALLOONERS!

na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na; na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na; na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na; BATMAN!

Skinner Sweet – A Continental Divide – Brian Manton

1.
The Panama Canal, under construction. A massive scene of early 20th Century progress. A controlled explosion billows from the rockface. (Position the explosion in the reading flow between cap 1 & 2.)
Ref:
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2f/The_Panama_Canal_--_The_Great_Culebra_Cut.jpg
http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/victorians/images/gal_panama_culebra_cut.jpg

TEXT:  1913. The Panama Canal (work-in-progress).

CAP (1) (Skinner):  160 trains a day haul away wreckage as 27,000 tonnes of dynamite slowly press through the Culebra Cut.

CAP (2) (Skinner):  Tearing the future from solid rock.

CAP (3) (Skinner):  Plans big as these leave a lot of room to work on your own.

2.
A burly worker strains as he lugs a boulder into a cart. Labourmen clear away debris as demolitions men set more charges.

CAP(Skinner):  6000 men working the cut.

CAP(Skinner):  Hungry work.

3.
A train pulls into the large cobbled-together train station. A few of the boxes are passenger carriages but most are cargo laden. Men unload crates of whiskey, food and supplies.

CAP(Skinner):  Those 160 trains return with all manner of sustenance.

4.
A lavishly decorated but gloomily lit train carriage. Four businessmen dressed in early century finery are presented with a line up of young women. The men's eyes somehow catch and reflect the light from the wall mounted lamps.

CAP(Skinner):  The finest of which is reserved for men who don't need to labour in the sun all day to build up a hunger.

5.
Through a crowded carriage of elegant whores we see Skinner Sweet, brimmed hat tipped - revealing only his smile.

CAP (Skinner):  Plans, plans, so many plans.

Skinner Sweet - Hallelujah - R.A. Wonsowski

Layout:
111
234
567

Panel 1 - Establishing shot: A moonlit night, Wolf River Harbor near Memphis, Tennessee.

CAPTION:  Memphis. May 29, 1997.


Panel 2 - JEFF BUCKLEY, sitting barefoot on the shore, wearing a white t-shirt and jeans rolled up at the cuffs, looking out at the river, smiling closed-mouth at nothing in particular.

CAPTION:  Maybe there's a God above...


Panel 3 - Same as Panel 2, except we see the eyes, fanged grin, and claw-like nails of SKINNER SWEET gleaming in the dark, right behind JEFF, who is unaware of his presence.

CAPTION:  ...But all I ever learned of love...


Panel 4 - JEFF's eyes go wide with terror as SKINNER clamps his hand over JEFF's mouth, his other arm wrapped around JEFF's chest, securing his arms.

CAPTION:  ...Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew ya...


Panel 5 - SKINNER is laughing maniacally as he is dragging JEFF struggling into the river.  They are both waist deep, and JEFF is kicking, unable to scream due to the hand over his mouth.

CAPTION:  ...It's not a cry you hear at night...


Panel 6 - Same as Panel 5, but now the water is up to their necks.

CAPTION:  ...It's not somebody who's seen the light...


Panel 7 - Same POV as Panels 5 and 6, but the water is calm, reflecting the moon, except for a few straggling air bubbles where SKINNER and JEFF went under.

CAPTION:  ...It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.

CAPTION:  Jeff Buckley's body was found six days later.  His drowning, though ruled accidental, has never been explained...

Lyrics by Leonard Cohen

Jeff Buckley version on his album "Grace", which I consider one of the three most perfect albums of the 1990's

(the other two are Pearl Jam's "Ten" and Neutral Milk Hotel's "In the Aeroplane O'er the Sea")

Skinner Sweet - Bloodsuckers - Niel Jacoby

Panel 1: Skinner Sweet, in the 1970s, in front of a large office building. It's a large shot so we can see just how big it is.

Caption: IN ALL MY TRAVELS ACROSS THE US, I'VE MET A LOT OF RASCALS, RUSTLERS, CUTTHROATS, MURDERERS, BOUNTY HUNTERS, DESPERADOES, MUGS, PUGS, THUGS, NITWITS, HALFWITS, DIMWITS, VIPERS, SNIPERS, CON MEN, INDIAN AGENTS, MEXICAN BANDITS, MUGGERS, BUGGERERS, BUSHWHACKERS, HORNSWOGGLERS, HORSE THIEVES, BULL DYKES, TRAIN ROBBERS, BANK ROBBERS, ASS KICKERS, SHIT KICKERS, AND METHODISTS.

Panel 2: Skinner walks into the building.

Caption: BUT THERE'S ONE GROUP OF ASSHOLES I NEVER DARED CROSS... UNTIL NOW.

Panel 3: Skinner walks into a legal office, on the wall there's a plaque for Marshall, Crain, Torres, and Koenig- Attorneys at Law.

Skinner: ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND A WILLIAM CRAIN, ESQUIRE?

Cap(Skinner): LAWYERS.

Skinner Sweet – Sweeter Than Red Nectar – Shaun Richens.

PAGE TWENTY TWO – 5 PANELS.

22.1

SKINNER SWEET sits on the pouch of a saloon bar in Colorado. He rests slumped on the wooden chair nursing a cold beer, condensation running down the dirty glass, the beer the only thing fighting off the hot summer sun.

We are looking over Skinner's shoulder as he waits and watches from the shadow at the large house opposite him. The house is the only brick structure on the street, and is made form a gorgeous white stone.

A horse drawn cart moves down the dirt road in front of him and a scattering of other people go about their business.

CAPTION:

The summer of 1880. Colorado.

SKINNER:

Any minute now.

22.2

Cut to a close up on the dark wooden door at the front of the white brick house. The door is half open as a very well dressed, balding, plump man leaves his home. This is CARSON. He runs this part of town and that affords him and his family a pleasant life.

A beautiful, fresh faced young woman stands in the doorway beside Carson. This is RUBY, his daughter. Her hair is long and fair, almost white, her lips pink, her skin soft and white. She wears a long white, frilly and ornate white frock.

Ruby leans in and kisses her father, Carson on the cheek goodbye.

CARSON:

I shall be back this afternoon to eat with you my sweet Ruby.

22.3

Skinner places his drinking glass down on the floor of the saloon porch. A few drops of beer swirl in the bottom of the glass.

We see Carson walking away from his house in the distance. Ruby waves him goodbye.

NO COPY.

22.4

From behind skinner. He walks confidently out across the dirt road towards the white house. He places his hat on to his head to shield his eyes from the sun. Ruby stands in the doorway, looking towards Skinner. A smile on her face.

NO COPY.

22.5

Skinner leans on the wall next to the open door to the huge white brick house. Ruby's cheeks are flushed red as she looks at the floor. One of her hands curls her soft hair around her finger.

SKINNER:

So sweet little thing, do I get to see that big old room of yours again?

Skinner Sweet – American Vampire Hunter – MK Stangeland Jr.

(7 Panels)

Panel 1: The dark of night in a hotel room. A newspaper sits on top of a nightstand – the headline reads “Major Gold Heist!”

SFX: (From a door opening off-panel) CreEEAAa…

Panel 2: A man – TYRELL HELLER – creeps his way into the room. He’s dressed with a somewhat concealing coat and hand over his standard clothing, and in his hand is what looks like some kind of revolver crossbow. The arrows in the crossbow, notably, have golden arrowheads.

Panel 3: Panel looks up past TYRELL as he stops short. Hiding above him is SKINNER SWEET, who’s ready to pounce.

Panel 4: SKINNER lunges at TYRELL from above. TYRELL shifts and rolls away from him and shoots a couple of arrows which miss their target.

SFX: Thumn! Thumn!

Panel 5: SKINNER lands and prepares to make his second move.

SKINNER: I had a feelin’ you’d show up.

TYRELL: Gotta put my gold to good use.

Panel 6: SKINNER and TYRELL charge at each other.

SKINNER: Should have just spent it!

Panel 7: TYRELL hits SKINNER across the face with a cross hook. He’s a wearing a pair of gold-plated Brass Knuckles.

SFX: BLING!