Sunday, February 2, 2014

Why Red Hulk?

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster." - Friedrich Nietzsche
I know, I know...

When the Red Hulk debuted 6 years ago, all I could think of was, "The House of Ideas finally ran out of ideas." Everything about "Rulk" (ugh) seemed derivative and ugly and flash-for-cash and I screamed "SHENANIGANS!"

...and then the other shoe dropped.

Red Hulk was General "Thunderbolt" Ross.

At first, I'm done. I felt like I was robbed. Ross had been Hulk-hunting forever, now all of a sudden, he IS one? "SHENANIGANS, I say!!"

But then I remember...Ross has always been of two minds with Hulk. On the one hand, it is a dangerous creature that destroys everything in its path. On the other, the unlimited offensive potential was much too great to be ignored, and was begging to be exploited.

Then the Illuminati/Avengers took it all out of his hands and banished the Hulk off-planet.

Imagine what that one act did to Ross.  One day's work for Earth's Mightiest put the comic book equivalent of 15 years of military career to shame, the laughing stock of the Pentagon brass.  And the stark realization that, in his heart of hearts, he neither wanted to destroy or capture the Hulk, but coveted its power.

Is it any wonder that he gave in to temptation?

General Ross and his Thunderbolts

Is it any wonder that he is more feared than Hulk Classic? The destructive power of gamma green, combined with the experienced military strategic mind of army green, wrapped in crimson rage. Unfit to be soldier or Avenger anymore, he assembled his own superhero squad, named after his old moniker and with a dark history of its own: Thunderbolts.

It is as the leader of the new T-bolts that Red Hulk really shines. Not only for his tactical brilliance, but Ross has assembled the most dangerous bunch of broken misfits and created a functioning dysfunctional family, each member looking to fill the hole in their souls.  All to redeem his life's work and his honour.

And you can't spell "redemption" without "RED"...

I swear, I can't NOT read it...


  1. Red Hulk/Thunderbolts - Debriefing

    Panel 1
    We are on a briefing room on Thunderbolts HQ. General Ross (human form) is standing at the head of a rectangular table briefing his team. Deadpool, Agent Venom, Elektra and Punisher all sit on the table listening. Deadpool is enthusiastically raising his right arm.

    Ross: Blah blah blah mission stuff.
    Ross: Any questions?
    Deadpool: Can we bring beer?
    Ross: No.

    Panel 2
    Same. Deadpool is still enthusiastic, but is now raising his left arm. Venom and Elektra are now both slumped on their chairs and not paying attention. Castle is just annoyed.

    Deadpool: Why not?
    Ross: You can't drink beer and be effective.
    Deadpool: That's a line from a show somewhere.
    Deadpool: Ooh, ooh, can I ride a helicopter?
    Ross: No.

    Panel 3
    Same. Deadpool is now mimicking Spider-man doing the ol' thwip thwap. Venom is looking up at the ceiling. Elektra is playing with her sai. Punisher is leaving the room. General Ross put his hands on the table.

    Deadpool: What's Spider-man's real name?
    Ross: Deadpool...
    Deadpool: But that's me!

    Panel 4
    Same. Deadpool is doing the wave. Venom facepalms. Elektra still plays with her sai. General Ross is shouting, and is now pointing a finger at Deadpool.

    Deadpool: Do spaghetti monsters exist?
    Ross: Shut up! Stop asking questions!
    Deadpool: But you're the one who asked for questions!
    Agent Venom (whisper): Every time.

    Panel 5
    Same. Deadpool laughs. Venom facepalms with both hands now. Elektra stopped playing with her sai and looks up to the General. General Ross, angry, has transformed into Red Hulk.

    Red Hulk: DEADPOOL!
    Red Hulk: SHUT UP!

    Panel 6
    Close-up on Red Hulk, angry.

    Red Hulk: See what you did?!
    Deadpool (OP): Uhm...
    Deadpool (OP): I thought you said no more questions?

    1. Ha! From the opening panel dialogue to the Venom facepalm, your script is just pure schoolboy fun. (I am ashamed to say that my 5th grade classmates and I taunted a teacher like this daily - someday I will tell the bell story...)
      Great fun script with neat comedy bits. Nicely done, sir...

    2. I know this is technically a Red Hulk page, but I see it as a really good Deadpool page myself.


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