Thursday, June 5, 2014
Optimus Prime - A Time to Talk, A Time to Fight - J.D. Coughlan
Five wide panels, same POV each time.
Panel 1: Optimus Prime stands on one side, staring across a ruined human city at Megatron on the other. Megatron has his arms wide, taunting. Optimus remains still.
MEGATRON: You arrive at last, Prime, as you always do.
MEGATRON: Never first.
Panel 2: Optimus now begins to slowly, deliberately cross the distance between them. His body language should not be aggressive. Megatron remains smug.
MEGATRON: Always after the carnage, to deliver pitiful words of comfort.
Panel 3: Optimus, still calm, is now halfway to Megatron, who still taunts.
MEGATRON: Tell me, Prime, what have you to say about the death and destruction I have wrought this time? What petty moralising shall you comfort the lost with?
Panel 4: Optimus is now, still cool as ice, right in front of Megatron, who has his hands on his hips, confident.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 5: Optimus lands a mighty sucker punch on Megatron, sending the villain backwards.
SFX: POW!
END OF PAGE
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I see what you are trying to do here J.D - build up the tension with repeated panels and only Optimus moving - his rage showing through his calmness. But I don't think you quite pulled it off. Unfortunately it comes across as a bit boring.
ReplyDeleteHowever you nailed Meatron's taunting dialect.
Yeah, while it's a good idea what you're aiming for, the idea of Megatron just standing there as Optimus walks up to him and not actually doing anything but taunting Optimus feels flat.
ReplyDeleteThough the actual punch on Optimus' part feels nice, especially with the lack of response from him otherwise.