Monday, June 16, 2014

Velvet - Hard Day, Night - Grant McLaughlin

1 - Night time.  A hotel in an exotic European country in the late 40s / early 50s - Velvet's early career.  She limps back into the room through the balcony door.  Holding an unremarkable briefcase in one hand, she is bloodied and broken.  Her face is a series of cuts and swellings.  She trails blood after her.

CAPTION (VELVET): Everyone has bad days.

2 - Flashback.  Close-up on Velvet's face.  It is about as damaged as panel 1, although her wounds look a whole lot fresher.  Her head is tilted down and she looks dazed (perhaps a little out of it).

CAPTION (VELVET): When all the choices you've made seem like the wrong ones.

3 - Pull back to reveal Velvet is at the mercy of three mean looking mugs.  She is on her knees, flanked by two of them.  One of the baddies has grabbed her by the hair and pulled her head back so she is looking up.  She finds herself starring down the barrel of a gun held by the third starring down barrel of a gun of the third man.  This seems to shock her back to reality, as her eyes widen in realization of what's happening.

CAPTION (VELVET): When your doubts and failures stare you right in the face.

4 - Still flashbacking, but a quick jump forward in the timeline.  The three men are down for the count - the manner of their dispatching can be up to you.  The important thing is that Velvet walks away from them - probably with that unremarkable briefcase.  While in serious pain, a look of determination is clear on her face.

CAPTION (VELVET): You know that by the light of day, most of it won't seem quite so bad.

5 - Back to the hotel.  Velvet stands near a dresser / end table in the hotel, looking at the briefcase that she is holding in both hands.  The room's bar service should be visible on that surface, including at least one bottle of liquor.

CAPTION (VELVET): But by night?

6 - Velvet sits (has collapsed?) on the floor in front of her bed.  She looks down at the drink in her hand.  The briefcase lies off to the side, discarded and forgotten.  In the panel foreground off to one side, a near empty liquor bottle should sit on the surface from the previous panel.



  1. This is great MK. Your use of the gutters as a way of conveying time is superb. Over two pages this would be brilliant, but alas that is the constrictions we place on ourselves.
    That opening panel is a real great hook - and the second panel descriptions of the wounds being fresher as a key to let the reader know we are flashing back is an effective and very well executed technique. Great stuff.


Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.