Thursday, July 31, 2014
The Guardians must venture to the DSV (Department of Space Vehicles) to pay a fine on their spaceship. Upon entering, the crowd inside starts panicking, fearing the Guardians are there to rob/shoot-up the place.
Panel 1: Wide shot of the room, a drab office filled with various aliens running around screaming. The Guardians (movie line-up) stand at the entrance in the background. Quill rubs his temples in annoyance. Gamora looks disgusted. Drax is stone-faced. Rocket wields a giant gun. Groot is Groot.
QUILL: Oh jeez.
GAMORA: You said this would be simple.
DRAX: This is damaging my calm.
ALIEN 1: It's the Guardians of the Galaxy!
ALIEN 2: They're here to rob us!
Panel 2: Two shot of Quill and Rocket. Quill is annoyed, Rocket shrugs it off.
QUILL: I told you not to bring a gun. That is not helping our case.
ROCKET: You're just jealous of my massive weapon.
ROCKET: I'll settle this, ladies.
Panel 3: Rocket fires the giant gun into the air. Quill shields his face from the blasts.
SFX: BLAM BLAM BLAM
ROCKET: Everybody shut their face and stay in place!
Panel 4: The aliens stop and stare at Rocket. They are now very nervous.
GROOT: I am Groot.
ROCKET: What he said.
QUILL: Okay, listen up. We don't want any trouble...
Panel 5: Close up of Quill as he holds up a wordy piece of paper.
QUILL: Does anyone know where we process a G44 form?
END OF PAGE
Monday, July 28, 2014
1 - Insert panel. Head of Rocket Raccoon so as to identify him as the speaker.
ROCKET: Alright, listen up everyone, because I'm only going to say this once.
2 - We're into the diagram now. A giant alien creature (which looks not unlike a horrifying space lion - but with sci fi aspects thrown in wherever one deems appropriate).
ROCKET: Our target is Ingenspatium Leo IV, an enormous creature in the neighbouring star system.
3 - Continuing along, we have a close-up of the creature's huge maw. As described in the dialogue, it is lined with teeth - far more than would be necessary or advisable.
ROCKET: The main entry point is through its hideous maw, which is lined with hundreds of thousands of laser sharp hyperfangs.
4 - Following the image down (but still on the right side of the page), we see the Guardians' ship being crushed in a giant throat.
ROCKET (1): But that will be a cake walk compared to what comes next.
ROCKET (2): First we need to avoid becoming a lump in its throat.
5 - Moving from right to left, we see members of the Guardians (still cartoony) literally melting from heat.
ROCKET: And watch out for its fire breathing lungs.
6 - Now on the left side of the diagram, we see a line of half-robot / half-alien monsters walking from left to right. Similar to the classic "Evolution of Man" image, the first cyber-monster is merely walking, the second is in the process of exploding, and the third is already exploded.
ROCKET: Of course, it's worth mentioning that its white blood cells are murderous cyber-monsters.
ROCKET (quieter): Who, for some reason, explode on impact.
7 - Moving down again on the diagram, we see a reinforced, science fiction fortress that is in the shape of a heart. Some silhouetted figures stand on the battlements of the heart fortress.
ROCKET: The heart is a veritable fortress, guarded by deathless automatons who hate outside life.
8 - Some terrifying space grubs stand, seemingly ready to destroy anything that falls in their path.
ROCKET: And once we make it past everything, we'll find ourselves face to face with some delicious space grubs.
9 - Another insert panel. This time it is Starlord, who looks confused.
STARLORD: Wait - who are we saving through all this?
10 - The Guardians' ship. Rocket stands before the rest of his teammates, the diagram behind him. Now he is confused, while they are disappointed with his answer.
ROCKET: Saving? I'm just outlining our lunch plans!
1. A member of the Shi'ar police force is looking straight on at the reader. We are looking up at him as he speaks.
You have no options left.
2. Drax, Rocket and Gamora are in a holding cell elsewhere.
CAPTION (Shi'ar Officer)
Your companions have been apprehended.
Your ship is beyond repair.
3. Front on shot of Peter Quill, sitting with his arms tied behind his back, looking up at the Shi'ar officer. He is smirking.
Now tell me where the data is before your team mates suffer for it.
Suffer? Us? Nononono.
You see we cracked that data. Nasty little plot you have there Captain.
Treason is still punishable by torture under Shi'ar law, right?
4. A close up of Peter's face as he addresses the reader/Shi'ar officer head on. He speaks intently, almost threateningly.
I don't have the data, but I know where it is.
In the hands of our best. A multi-linguist who'll blend in, disappear into any culture you can think of.
In fact, with any luck--
5. Earth - people are running for their lives as Groot has a finger up in the air, looking as if he is politely asking a question.
--he's got the data to the Emperor already.
I am Groot?
Sunday, July 27, 2014
But Guardians of the Galaxy? A comic that’s fortunate enough to rank as a cult hit where you’d even find fellow fans of comics who have no idea who they are? And with only the barest bones connection to the already established Marvel Cinematic Universe?
Saturday, July 26, 2014
We are in the West Philadelphia High School field, where a basketball game is happening between Black Jersey's and White Jersey's. A player on Black Jersey's has just scored an in-your-face dunk against a player in White Jersey's.
MELATI (OP): So... this is what you do, huh?
We see Melati Kusuma, a.k.a. Komodo, in her human form approaching Flash Thompson, a.k.a. Agent Venom, also in his human form. Both of them are in a wheelchair, Melati has a cloth covering her thighs to hide her missing legs while Flash does not. Flash is carrying a clipboard.
FLASH: Sometimes, yeah.
FLASH: Didn't think you'd actually come.
MELATI: Eh. I didn't really have anything better to do.
Back up a bit. We see Melati and Flash watch the game, with some awkward tension between them. Coach Yates, middle-aged balding guy with a mustache and Coach of Flash's school, is yelling. Some players are running across the panel.
Similar framing as Panel 3.
MELATI: Isn't this a little frustrating for you, "Coach"? I mean, you could easily outpace any of these guys in your... other form.
FLASH: Assistant coach. And sure, sometimes. But it's nice to feel like a normal human being from time to time.
Close-up on Melati. We see her full human body overlapped by her transparent Komodo form.
MELATI: Well, maybe, I dunno. I've wanted to be able to run for so long... I think I'd rather look like a monster than sit in a chair.
Close-up on Flash.
FLASH: You're lucky, then. Difference between you and me? You only need to look like a monster to run...
Close-up on Flash's left face. It is overlapped with the transparent left face of classic Venom.
FLASH: I am a monster.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Panel 1: Wide shot of a large desert, with a H.A.M.M.E.R. rover driving toward a large crater. The crater has been there for a while.
Cap: INITIATIVE FILE: KOMODO
LAST KNOWN LOCATION: MOJAVE DESERT--THOUGHT MISSING AFTER A.I.M. CHEMICAL BOMBARDMENT 3 MONTHS AGO
Panel 2: Commander Hill and a lackey are walking into a sizable cave-like formation in the crater.
Hill: WHAT'S THE THEORY, SOLDIER? NERVE POISON? ANTIDOTE TO THE LIZARD FORMULA? SOME NEW PATHOGEN THAT TURNS YOUR LUNGS TO SAND AND YOUR BLOOD TO GLASS?
Lackey: WELL, MA'AM, IT'S-
Panel 3: Hill and the lackey are just outside a darkened corridor in the formation, with what, from this distance, looks to be a vine coming out of it.
Hill: IT'S A VITAL MEMBER OF OUR INITIATIVE FORCES, SOLDIER!
Lackey: NO, NO, MA'AM. IT'S JUST BEEN INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO PINPOINT THE LOCATION, AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT WE HAD TO FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT THE BOMBARDMENT WAS.
Hill: AND? I DON'T JUST ASK YOU TO TELL ME ABOUT THE PROCCESS, I EXPECT RESU-
Panel 4: Hill is staring, shocked, into the corridor in the rock. The lackey is distressed, but not surprised.
Lackey: THE RESULT KIND OF SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. THE A.I.M. BOMBARDMENT HAD A PAYLOAD OF LIZARD FORMULA--
Panel 5: Wide shot of what's in the corridor: Komodo, who is incredibly gaunt due to being stuck in the desert for weeks, and covered in extra, budded limbs, growing from all over her body.
Lackey: --AN OVERDOSE.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Follows on from this script.
Panel 1: The same shadowy room from the last page. Doctor Connors sits tied to a chair, the lizard-man standing over him, gloating. Other lizard-people standing in the background in robes.
MAN: So, Dr. Connors, if you will simply revert back to your true form...
Panel 2: The lizard-man turns to look at one of the robed figures (Komodo) elbowing another in the face. The other guys in robes are also startled.
KOMODO: Sorry to gatecrash the party.
Panel 3: Komodo, still concealed by her robe, fights off the other robed guys, successfully. The lizard-man watches in shock.
MAN: What is--!? How dare you intrude on a sacred ceremony! The Order will not let you live!
Panel 4: Close up as Komodo punches the lizard-man hard in the face.
Panel 5: The lizard-people now all lying unconscious. Komodo pulls down her hood. Connors reacts with surprise.
Panel 6: Komodo bends over to eye-level with Connors, with a serious expression.
KOMODO: If we're gonna get out of here alive, Dr. Connors, we're going to need...
KOMODO: The Lizard.
END OF PAGE
Monday, July 21, 2014
1 - Low shot. Melati Kusuma sitting glumly in her wheelchair is the focus of this panel, but the foreground is filled with the legs of people walking by in front of her in either direction. She is stationary, looking longingly towards these limbs, which (if possible) look kind of like bars of a jail around her.
CAPTION (MELATI): I still miss it sometimes.
2 - Move closer to Melati. She rubs her legs absentmindedly as she continues to look off into the distance with a frown on her face. From the background, it's evident that she is in a park of some description.
CAPTION (MELATI): It can be tempting to think that, having lost them a second time, my life is over.
CAPTION (MELATI): That nothing I do will ever make me feel better.
3 - Someone off-panel calls to Melati, causing her to look (with some surprise) over her shoulder towards the source of the sound.
VOICE (off-panel): Melati!
CAPTION (MELATI): But life is about choices.
4 - Switch angles to an over the shoulder view of Melati. She looks with an evident smile upon a group of women who are ready and waiting to play some wheelchair basketball.
CAPTION (MELATI): And I think it's about time to choose to be happy.
WOMAN: ...are we doing this or what?
MELATI: You better believe it!
1. Komodo is sitting in a room. We see her full body, facing head on to the panel.
I look like a monster. Something from a helpless child's nightmare.
2. Exactly the same framing as the previous panel, but Komodo is now in human form. We can see her legs are not there.
Or, I am the helpless child.
3. A head shot. Komodo is back in her lizard form.
Like this, I only appear as a monster.
5. The largest panel of the page. Komodo is back in her lizard form, stading up and walking out the room - we can see what it is now. A visiting room in a high security prison. She was visiting someone. That someone is Hardball.
You're are one.
6. A smaller panel of Hardball, similar to the first panel. He is silent. He is pensive.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Friday, July 18, 2014
Panel 1- Standing under a streetlight, trying to look inconspicuous in trench coats, cheap suits, and sunglasses are HOGUN, VOLSTAGG, and FANDRAL (HOGUN and VOLSTAGG are still wearing their headgear). JÀNE FOSTER has walked past them, has jolted herself to a stop midstride.
Panel 2- JANE has turned, scratching her head, talking the three, who are trying to act nonchalant.
JANE: Volstagg, what are you guys doing?
VOLSTAGG: SHH! We are, as you say, under the covers. Out on a stake.
Panel 3- JANE facepalms as VOLSTAGG pulls a pair of opera glasses from his coat pocket. FANDRALL turns to her to explain as HOGUN looks off-panel.
JANE: Oh for the love of...
FANDRALL: Loki told us of a great beast that escaped his dungeon. He called it a "snipe", a giant fanged cow that breathes blue fire and glows purple when spooked...
Panel 4- HOGUN points off panel, VOLSTAGG looks in the same direction through the tiny glasses. JANE is exasperated as FANDRALL continues.
FANDRALL: It must be found before Odin, Father of All, discovers its absence...
JANE: Guys! The god of mischief sent you on a snipe hunt! There's no such thing as a...
Panel 5- All four step back as the SNIPE, exactly as FANDRALL described, charges across panel. Recently torn off flashing police car lights are impaled on its horns.
Panel 6- VOLSTAGG grins, seething with excitement as FANDRALL draws his sword to go after the snipe. HOGUN follows grimly as JANE puts her head down and walks off on the opposite direction.
VOLSTAGG: The hunt is on!
JANE: I'm going home...
HOGUN: Loki has much to answer for...
SNIPE (Off-Panel): MOOOO!!
Panel 1: The Warriors 3 are getting out of a rather small car, a VW Beetle or something, small enough that Volstagg is straining to pop himself out of the driver's seat area, in a parking lot.
Caption: EASTON, PA
Fandral: WHEN YOU PROPOSED A ROAD TRIP, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN TO ASK WHERE TO.
Hogun: THIS HAD BETTER BE WORTH IT, VOLSTAGG.
Volstagg: OH, BUT IT IS, MY FELLOW FIGHTERS! FOR TODAY, WE PARTAKE IN THE GREATEST PASTIME A WARRIOR MAY HAVE!
Panel 2: Volstagg is bursting through the doors of the Easton Funplex with a massive wad of cash in one hand, and a Chikara staffer seated at a folding table is startled.
Volstagg: ENTRANCE KEEPER, HOW MUCH FOR 3 OF YOUR FINEST FRONT ROW SEATS?
Staffer: YOU-YOU'RE JUST IN LUCK, SIR. WE'VE GOT JUST 3 LEFT!
Panel 3: Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral are sitting in their front row seats. Volstagg's folding chair is obviously straining to support him, and he is loaded down with a bevy of snacks. In the ring, we can see The Faces Of Pain(The Barbarian, Meng and The Warlord) and Team ROH(Nick Jackson, Matt Jackson, and Mike Bennett) facing off for their first round match. Hogun is clearly disinterested in the action, while Fandral is eyeing Maria, Mike Bennett's valet.
Hogun: FRANKLY, VOLSTAGG, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU THOUGHT WE-
Panel 4: In the ring, Nick and Matt Jackson simultaneously superkick The Warlord, and we can see Hogun react in astonishment in the crowd.
Panel 5: Hogun is standing up, in a rage, as Fandral continues eyeing Maria. Volstagg is startled, but continues eating.
Hogun: THAT IS NOT HOW WARRIORS CONDUCT THEMSELVES! BOOOOOO! BOOOOOO! HISS AND BOOOOOO, GOOD SIR!
Fandral: IS THAT AN ILLEGAL FOREIGN OBJECT IN YOUR PANTS, FINE MAIDEN, OR ARE YOU SIMPLY THAT ENJOYED TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL VISAGE?
(P.S. sorry this one went up a little late, I've been kind of busy as of late)
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Monday, July 14, 2014
1. Close up of Fandral, torso up. He is looking down to something that is in front of him (off panel). . What we can see of the background behind him is dark. He looks confused.
Well, this is a unique situation.
2. Close up of Hogun, same framing as Fandral in the previous panel, and is also looking down at the off panel object. His grim, stone-faced expression reveals nothing other than he is not happy about this situation.
It is a trap. Dispose of it.
3. Once again, same framing on a close up of Volstaag also looking at the object below off panel. He is happy with the object.
Nonsense. He may be a lot of things--
4. High shot of looking down at the Warrior's Three. They are looking at a small baby Loki in the middle of them.
But he has never been so cute!
Yeah - Warriors Three and a Baby.
I would write the hell out of this.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Thor has been tricked by Hela, queen of the underworld, and has now become her eternal prisoner. The Warriors Three journey to Hel to free him.
Panel 1: Wide shot. The Warriors Three stand in the barren wasteland that is Hel, before Hela sat on her throne, above them. Their weapons are drawn.
HELA: What's this? You come to my kingdom of the dead to parlay with me for Thor's freedom?
Panel 2: Group shot of the threesome. Fandral stands in the middle, holding his sword low, a smug grin on his face. Volstagg and Hogun brandish their weapons closely, serious expressions.
FANDRAL: Nay, Queen Hela. We come to correct an injustice.
VOLSTAGG: Aye! And we shall do so by tongue or by steel. Your choice, witch.
FANDRAL: I assure you, I am talented with both.
Panel 3: Wide shot again. Hela raises her hand, and zombie-like creatures are rising from the dirt. The Warriors stand tightly together, facing out, on guard with their weapons.
HELA: You think you three have the might to defeat my legions of the dead? Three of you, against every soul that has ever lived?
Panel 4: Close on the trio. Hogun faces Hela now, but Fandral and Volstagg look over their shoulders at her. All have determination in their eyes.
HOGUN: For our brother-in-arms, we shall fight til our last breaths. And then, when time and age claim us and send us to your damned dominion, we shall take up the fight again, until Ragnarock itself. But we shall not leave here without Thor.
HOGUN: Know this, or, by all means, test it.
END OF PAGE
All good superhero series need a strong supporting cast. Characters who serve as sounding boards for the main hero, whether as allies or annoyances. The Warriors Three are somewhere in the middle. Created especially for Marvel and not based on any Norse mythological figures, they do still draw influence from famous actors at the time of their inception (the 1960s).
|Volstagg (behind), Fandral (L), Hogun (R)|
Fandral -- The dashing, suave, ladies' man of the trio. An adventure-seeker, he often puts glory and reputation before reality. But he his foppish behaviour hides his swashbuckling skill, and he should not be underestimated. He is loosely based on Errol Flynn.
Volstagg -- Known as Volstagg the Voluminous for his sheer size alone, he truly is a powerful presence. He has a hearty appetite for life
, battle, and, of course, food. But he has a stout soul as well. Just like Hogun's heritage and Fandral's attitude, Volstagg's figure can be misleading. He can easily match his cohorts in combat, if not exceed them, and will not turn from a fight. He is loosely based on Orson Welles' performance of Shakespeare's Falstaff.
With these three covering the trifecta of characterisation, they are a writer's dream team. Each one will react to any given situation almost completely differently, and all possible personality types are represented. And while the Warriors Three may seem like a comedy triple act on the surface, when the shit hits the fan, you can see why Thor chooses to ride into battle with these guys at his side.
|Truly, they are mighty warriors|
Friday, July 11, 2014
Splash page - worm's eye view, in the Egyptian tomb of Khonshu. The high temple walls are covered in hieroglyphics, and standing tall in an enormous recess is the white alabaster statue of the moon god of vengeance, Khonshu, two crossed scepters in his hands, one in the shape of an ankh, the other topped with a crescent moon. Foreground, LOBSTER JOHNSON looks around warily, aware that something is amiss, holding a blazing torch high before him, the flames reflecting in his goggles. Background, descending from the ceiling are three warriors in white scarves covering their heads and faces, shirtless and barefoot in white pants. Each has a scimitar in one hand as they rappel down the walls with the other. The skeletons of Nazi German and Communist Chinese soldiers hang from the walls and ceiling by unseen hooks, spikes, and nooses.
CAPTION: If previous experience has taught me anything, I should expect company in three...two...
TITLE: It's pulp action like you crave... Lobster Johnson in...BY THE KNIGHTS OF THE SILVERY MOON! - by Wonsowski, Sienkiewicz, and other hard-to-spell names!
Caption: MEXICO, DURING HELLBOY'S... LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM THE BPRD
Hellboy(muttering): fuggin technology... why woncha jes work already. dangit.
Panel 2: It's now night, and Hellboy has roped the concierge or some other hotel staff member into helping him hook up the DVD player. The staff member is leaving, obviously irritated. Hellboy is exhausted, and still sauced.
Hellboy: HEY, UH, THANKS.
Staff: <NO THANKS FOR THE TIP, ASSHOLE.>
Hellboy: UH, SURE, YOU TOO, PAL.
Panel 3: Hellboy settles into the hotel bed with the DVD player remote.
Hellboy: AHHHH, MOVIE TIME.
Panel 4: This panel is the DVD menu screen for the film LOBSTER JOHNSON AND THE RED ANGEL OF GUADALAJARA VERSUS THE MAFIA, featuring 4 options: INCIO, PREPERAR, ESCENAS, and CARACTERÍSTICAS ESPECIALES.
Hellboy(OP): AH SHIT. INCIO SHOULD BE PLAY, RIGHT?
Panel 5: This panel is part of the film LOBSTER JOHNSON AND THE RED ANGEL OF GUADALAJARA VERSUS THE MAFIA, and should be in a Golden Age comics style. Lobster Johnson is in the stands of a lucha libre match, eating popcorn.
Announcer(through speakers): Y AHORA, EL CAMPEÓN DEL MUNDO, EL ÁNGEL ROJO DE GUADALAJARA
Hellboy(off panel): WHERE'S THE AUDIO BUTTON?
Announcer(through speakers): Il est un héros AUX ENFANTS
Announcer(through speakers): И уважаемый член общины!
Panel 6: as above, this is part of the movie. The Red Angel is standing in the ring, a microphone in his hand. We can see Lobster Johnson behind him in the crowd, bashful.
Red Angel: MY FRIENDS, FANS, AND COUNTRYMEN, I STAND BEFORE YOU A PROUD MAN! NOT ONLY AM I IN THE FINEST CITY IN ALL OF MEXICO, MY DEAR FRIEND LOBSTER JOHNSON IS IN THE CROWD TONIGHT! GIVE HIM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Late 1950s New York City. Harry McTell, the last remaining member of the Lobster's crew, has returned from the war (the Korean in this instance) and is looking at the (now derelict) warehouse that used to be the crew's base of operations.
1 - Inside the empty warehouse. Harry McTell stands alone in the space. He wears his air force uniform, standing with crutches to support himself (seeing as he lost a leg while overseas). He wears a pensive expression on his face.
CAPTION (LOBSTER): Nothing.
2 - Flashback to the late 1930s (maybe in a sepia tone to emphasize to emphasize the fact). Harry stands in the same position, but while he's younger (and with both legs), he looks tired. He is also not alone, as the Lobster stands next to him, gesturing at the space they stand in. The warehouse looks to be in the process of being packed up. It remains relatively empty, with lots of boxes lying around and some bigger objects covered by sheets.
LOBSTER (1): That's all that's left.
LOBSTER (2): We used to fill this place with activity.
LOBSTER (3): With hope.
LOBSTER(4): With life.
3 - Move closer in to our two characters. They almost seem to be looking past each other, both lost in thought.
LOBSTER: Now it's just ghosts and echoes of what used to be.
4 - The Lobster starts to walk away from Harry. Harry looks and gestures after him.
HARRY: What are you saying, boss?
LOBSTER: I won't have anyone else dying in my place.
5 - The Lobster keeps walking away, bringing him close to the front of the panel (and taking up a good portion of the space). Harry stands in the background, slumping his shoulders.
LOBSTER: Goodbye, Harry.
6 - Back to the (1950s) present. Harry holds a similar position to the previous panel. While the Lobster is obviously gone, another man stands near Harry. A realtor, he is a young man, dressed relatively well, holding a clipboard in his hands. He looks tentatively in Harry's direction.
REALTOR (1): Are you sure you want this property, Mr. McTell?
REALTOR (2): There's nothing here.
HARRY: That's alright...
7 - Close in on Harry. He looks at the warehouse interior, a smile on his face. The empty space is filled with ghosted images of various 1950s objects and items, as Harry imagines how the warehouse could look when once set up as a new base of operations.
HARRY: I have a pretty good idea of what could go in its place.
I mean, the fact that he's a hard-nosed 1930s pulpy action-adventurer New York City crime fighter with
a bitching costume, a loyal crew, and one hell of a deadly touch doesn't hurt. Neither does the fact that he's a Mike Mignola creation (which is always a good sign), co-written by the extremely skilled John Arcudi, or drawn by such talented artists as Jason Armstrong, Sebastian Fiumara, and Tonci Jonjic. And let's not forget the many equally colourful characters he's met while fighting fiendish foes, including mystical robots, ancient spirits, superpowered gangsters, black flamed men, space faring Nazis, and many, many more (without even getting into his numerous affairs in the afterlife).
While firmly entrenched in the pulp idiom, the Lobster is a flexible figure who is able to fit into all manner of genre and story. So I heartily encourage one and all to try their hand at penning their very own one-page tale of action, derring-do, or whatever else may catch one's fancy.
There is, after all, any number of reasons to be a Lobster Johnson fan.
Although the name is still the best one.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Panel 1: In normal Moose Kid artstyle, the WIZARD COUNCIL is plotting. One is irritated, the second is sullen, and the third is jumping about holding his hand up like he's trying to get the teacher's attention.
Wizard 1: NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, WHAT WE TRY, THAT MOOSE KID IS STILL HAPPY AS A CLAM!
Wizard 2: I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT HIM INTO A COMIC!
Wizard 3: OOH! OOH! I HAVE AN IDEA! HOW ABOUT A DIFFERENT COMIC!
Panel 2: The WIZARD COUNCIL is huddled around a comic that WIZARD 3 is holding.
Wizard 1: DIABOLICAL!
Wizard 2: INGENIOUS!
Wizard 3: TOLD YA!
Panel 3: MOOSE KID has found himself in the middle of a gigantic superhero battle. He's still in his normal Moose Kid artstyle, but the rest is in a Jim Lee-esque, stereotypically modern DC artstyle. Tens of heroes with overbusy, dark costumes and permanent scowls are ripping each other's arms off and batting each other with them. The air is dense with caption boxes:
*MY PARENTS ARE DE-
*PUNISHMENT TIME! ALL THE CRIMINAL SCU-
*THE WORLD IS A VAMPIRE, OUT TO DRA-
*-ND HEAVEN KNOWS I'M MISERABLE NOW
and so on and so forth.
Caption(Wizard): LET'S SEE MOOSE KID TRY TO ENJOY THIS! HAHAHA!
Panel 1- MOOSE KID sits at the breakfast table as he pours himself a bowl of Sugar-Frosted Cocoa Bombs.
MOOSE KID: Mr. Jacobs says that marriage isn't just a word, it's a sentence...
Panel 2- MOOSE KID splashes milk from a glass bottle over his cereal.
MOOSE KID: Mr. Fahey told me that marriage is an institution, and it's run by the inmates.
Panel 3- MOOSE KID spoons cereal into his mouth.
MOOSE KID: My Spanish teacher, Mr. Velez, taught us that the word for wives, esposas, is the same as the word for handcuffs.
Panel 4- MOOSE KID talks with his mouth full, spooning more cereal.
MOOSE KID: And Mr. Gibbons says that wives are great, but you have to cook'em just right.
Panel 5- POV shift, we see MOOSE KID has been sitting across the table from ME, who is wearing a Deadpool mask pouring bourbon into a cup of coffee. The WIFE is standing behind me holding a cast iron skillet like a baseball bat.
MOOSE KID: Boy, you sure are bitter when you have writer's block, mister.
ME: Here, know why wedding rings are circular? 'Cause it never #@&%ing ends...
WIFE: Oh, honey...