(The following comes
from an idea I’ve had for a KOMODO story that I’d be inclined to try pitching
to MARVEL if they ever asked if I wanted to write something for them.
The summery thus far:
While driving cross-country, KOMODO stumbled upon an out-of-the-way town filled
with rogue DOOMBOTS trying to live a more peaceful, DR. DOOM-free lifestyle.
Also, THE CAPTAIN – last seen in NEXTWAVE – is living there too for reasons.
However, soon after KOMODO showed up, so too did DR. DOOM – who is secretly actually
another DOOMBOT, just a higher quality one – who started shooting up the place.)
(6 Panels)
Panel 1: KOMODO is using THE CAPTAIN’s attempt to
fight DR. DOOM to high just out of sight so she can recover and think. She
holds the head of DOOMBOT STEVE in her hands.
KOMODO (1): I need a plan! I don’t have the firepower to
fight Dr. Doom head-on.
KOMODO (2): Why don’t any of you do anything?
SFX: (From Off-Panel)
Pew! Pew!
Panel 2: Close-in focus on the head of DOOMBOT STEVE.
DOOMBOT STEVE (1): We are attempting to live a DR. DOOM-free
lifestyle. That includes purging violence from our systems.
DOOMBOT STEVE (2): We keep THE CAPTAIN around to do it for
us.
SFX: (From Off-Panel)
tt-ZZZ!
Panel 3: THE CAPTAIN comes crashing to the ground and
bounces off the ground a little as his own attempt to fight DR. DOOM gets
lackluster results.
SFX: cr-UNK!
THE CAPTAIN: ☠☠☠☠ing ow!
Panel 4: KOMODO tries to hold in feelings of
frustration as the scene deteriorates around her. The tail-end of THE CAPTAIN
can be seen as he bounces off-panel.
DOOMBOT STEVE: What was that? Is THE CAPTAIN winning?
Panel 5: KOMODO makes a dash for it, still holding
the head of DOOMBOT STEVE.
DOOMBOT STEVE: Where are we going?
KOMODO: I know some code. If I can find a computer, maybe I
can re-install your backbone.
Panel 6: KOMODO continues to run for it as shots from
DR. DOOM hit the ground behind her. She’s worried less about getting hit herself
and more about the head of DOOMBOT STEVE getting destroyed.
SFX: BOOM!
SFX: Ker-SPLODE!
KOMODO: (Shouting, to
get over the sounds of the explosions around her.) MIGHT AT LEAST BUY ME
TIME TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER!
(END PAGE)
I love The Captain (but Machine Man would be a better fit here possibly?)
ReplyDeleteI do like the idea at play here, and I love your ambition for it (hell, we all have a Marvel pitch in our heads 'just in case'). One comment I will make (and it is my BIGGEST problem - I am much more guilty of it that you are here) is proof reading your work. There are a few grammar errors which editors really look down on.
The dialogue was witty and bantery, which I enjoyed. However I would consider counting down on the panels for this one. If you could get the job done in 4-5 panels it would flow awesomely.
Doombot Steve got what was coming to him. And 'Ker-SPLODE' is a brilliant sfx.
As per the norm, you have some excellent back and forth banter, some wonderful sfx, and a fun little concept to build it all on.
ReplyDeleteLove that one-two punch of panels 2 and 3.