(The following comes from an idea I’ve had for a KOMODO story that I’d be inclined to try pitching to MARVEL if they ever asked if I wanted to write something for them.
The summery thus far: While driving cross-country, KOMODO stumbled upon an out-of-the-way town filled with rogue DOOMBOTS trying to live a more peaceful, DR. DOOM-free lifestyle. Also, THE CAPTAIN – last seen in NEXTWAVE – is living there too for reasons. However, soon after KOMODO showed up, so too did DR. DOOM – who is secretly actually another DOOMBOT, just a higher quality one – who started shooting up the place.)
Panel 1: KOMODO is using THE CAPTAIN’s attempt to fight DR. DOOM to high just out of sight so she can recover and think. She holds the head of DOOMBOT STEVE in her hands.
KOMODO (1): I need a plan! I don’t have the firepower to fight Dr. Doom head-on.
KOMODO (2): Why don’t any of you do anything?
SFX: (From Off-Panel) Pew! Pew!
Panel 2: Close-in focus on the head of DOOMBOT STEVE.
DOOMBOT STEVE (1): We are attempting to live a DR. DOOM-free lifestyle. That includes purging violence from our systems.
DOOMBOT STEVE (2): We keep THE CAPTAIN around to do it for us.
SFX: (From Off-Panel) tt-ZZZ!
Panel 3: THE CAPTAIN comes crashing to the ground and bounces off the ground a little as his own attempt to fight DR. DOOM gets lackluster results.
THE CAPTAIN: ☠☠☠☠ing ow!
Panel 4: KOMODO tries to hold in feelings of frustration as the scene deteriorates around her. The tail-end of THE CAPTAIN can be seen as he bounces off-panel.
DOOMBOT STEVE: What was that? Is THE CAPTAIN winning?
Panel 5: KOMODO makes a dash for it, still holding the head of DOOMBOT STEVE.
DOOMBOT STEVE: Where are we going?
KOMODO: I know some code. If I can find a computer, maybe I can re-install your backbone.
Panel 6: KOMODO continues to run for it as shots from DR. DOOM hit the ground behind her. She’s worried less about getting hit herself and more about the head of DOOMBOT STEVE getting destroyed.
KOMODO: (Shouting, to get over the sounds of the explosions around her.) MIGHT AT LEAST BUY ME TIME TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER!
I love The Captain (but Machine Man would be a better fit here possibly?)ReplyDelete
I do like the idea at play here, and I love your ambition for it (hell, we all have a Marvel pitch in our heads 'just in case'). One comment I will make (and it is my BIGGEST problem - I am much more guilty of it that you are here) is proof reading your work. There are a few grammar errors which editors really look down on.
The dialogue was witty and bantery, which I enjoyed. However I would consider counting down on the panels for this one. If you could get the job done in 4-5 panels it would flow awesomely.
Doombot Steve got what was coming to him. And 'Ker-SPLODE' is a brilliant sfx.
As per the norm, you have some excellent back and forth banter, some wonderful sfx, and a fun little concept to build it all on.ReplyDelete
Love that one-two punch of panels 2 and 3.