(7 Panels)
Panel 1: A minor hall in ASGARD. VOLSTAGG sits at a
table with a beer in one hand and a very large piece of meat on a stick in the
other.
FANDRAL and HOGUN
stand in front of the table. Neither looks fully outfitted for battle, but are
prepped for a friendly bout against each other. FANDRAL is shirtless and wields
an Asguardian-style Rapier, while Hogun wields a blunted mace and still has a
comfortably-fitting shirt on.
FANDRAL: Are you sure you don’t want in on this, Volstagg?
VOLSTAGG (1): I am already in a duel, good friend!
VOLSTAGG (2): A duel with my lunch! Ha ha!
Panel 2: HOGUN readies his mace as he prepares to
swing it. FANDRAL does not look worried.
HOGUN: Are you sure you want to fight with your shirt off?
FANDRAL: Why? Are you jealous?
HOGUN: I’d hate to ruin your body for you.
Panel 3: HOGUN ‘punches’ forwards with his mace.
FANDRAL easily dodges to the side, though the mace looks as though it only
misses him by a small margin.
SFX: MISS!
FANDRAL: That would require you be able to hit me, good sir!
Panel 4: FANDRAL swings his blade at HOGUN, an attack
that HOGUN easily deflects with his mace.
HOGUN: Your overflowing self-assurance will be your undoing.
FANDRAL: Always with the grim perspective, eh?
Panel 5: The cleanly-licked stick that was holding
VOLSTAGG’s meat flies from off-panel and smacks FANDRAL in the face. HOGUN watches in surprise.
SFX: smack!
HOGUN and FANDRAL: !
Panel 6: HOGUN gets knocked over as VOLSTAGG slams
into him stomach-first.
SFX: BOOMP!
HOGUN: !
Panel 7: FANDRAL and HOGUN lie on the ground.
VOLSTAGG stands over the both of them, looking quite pleased with himself.
FANDRAL and HOGAN have a look of mild annoyance at the situation of things.
VOLSTAGG: Sorry, good friends, but I finished my first duel,
and thought I would join yours!
(END PAGE)
Some good pacing and the ending was a nice touch. My only constructive comment would be to tighten up the dialogue. You have over explained a couple of times (such as Volstagg commenting on being in a duel with his lunch - the art shows us that he is eating his lunch so the line is redundant'). Other than this good work!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ben about the dialogue, but otherwise a great little comedy piece. And it shows that you should never underestimate Volstagg.
ReplyDelete"Do not mistake my appetite for apathy!"
DeleteI will echo the above comments on diaolgue tightening, but I will also reiterate an appreciation for the light-hearted nature of this script. Fandral and Hogun have some nice back and forth, and Volstagg's entry towards the end makes for a nice finish.
ReplyDelete