Saturday, August 2, 2014

Guardians of the Galaxy - Hostile Takeover - R.A. Wonsowski

Panel 1- STAR-LORD, wearing his mask as well as a shirt and tie, collar unbuttoned and tie unblocked, in a cubicle facing three computer screens, sloshing a drink in a ceramic coffee mug that reads "Hexus, the Living Corporation". His posture should be anxious and stressed, holding a finger to his earpiece like he's shouting into a phone.

CAPTION: Peter Quill. Star-Lord.
STAR-LORD: NO! NO! Sell, dammit!

Panel 2- GAMORA with her sword drawn, wearing a very stylish suit with a slit up the long skirt, out of her chair about to leap across a conference table at a fat cigar-chomping two-headed blue-skinned alien in a cheap three-piece, pushing his chair back in fear. Stacks of paper are spread across the table...

CAPTION: Gamora. The most dangerous woman in the universe.
GAMORA: Your brains or your signature will be on this contract!

Panel 3- DRAX, bare-chested in a double-breasted suit, stands in front of two display screens, facing down a Skrull and Badoon similarly attired and wielding a laser pointer. One screen has an image of a generic unbranded super hero (a brown-haired Superman with no S on the shirt) clutching his stomach in panicked pain with text that reads "This looks like a job for Krypto-mucil!" The other has a picture of Ego, the Living Planet with a relaxed expression, with a caption that reads "ORB-O-LAX. Oh, what sweet relief."

CAPTION: Drax. The Destroyer.
DRAX: ...with effective marketing we can crush the Deesee universe by next quarter!
BADOON: Quite. Quite.

Panel 4- Lower half of the page. On an exchange floor, ROCKET RACCOON perched atop the shoulder of GROOT, both wearing ties, surrounded by business attired Kirby-esque aliens packed tight waving hand signals off-panel. ROCKET is firing a large laser bazooka over the crowd while GROOT is stabbing a finger furiously into the keypad of a paper-roll calculator.

CAPTION: Rocket Raccoon and Groot. Mercenary accountants.
GROOT: I am GROOT.
ROCKET: NO! Adamantium at 7 and 5/8!
CAPTION: Can the Guardians stop the corporate domination of the galaxy by Hexus? Find out in this titanic tale we could only call...NOT BRAND HEX!...A Wonsowski-Giffen joint.

2 comments:

  1. This looks to be the most elaborate set up for what seems (to me) to be an incredibly obscure pun reference to a Marvel series that I hadn't even heard of before Googling what that punchline might be referring to, and for that reason, I absolutely love it.

    The various business settings you plug our characters into are pretty enjoyable on their own, but the reveal that it's all in service of such a silly joke makes it for me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes. Just yes. Well paced panels of the characters and a callback the the 'Not Brand Ech' brand. You've done well with this one. To the point and not too wordy with the dialogue.

    ReplyDelete

Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
-OR-
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.