Monday, August 4, 2014

Shredder - Callback - Ben Rosenthal

1.  A close up of Shredder's leg, strapping on his spiked leg guard.

CAPTION (Shredder)
Oroku Saki.

That was my name.

2.  A close up of Shredder's arm as puts on the glove with spikes.

CAPTION (Shredder)
I no longer need it.

Nor the feelings and emotions that go with it.

3.  From behind, Shredder is putting on his helmet with both hands.

CAPTION (Shredder)
I have a new name.  A name to put terror into the hearts of all.

I am--

4.  Cut to a different area/time.  The Shredder has just revealed himself to the Turtles for the first time.  We see from behind the four Ninja Turtles.  They are looking up at an imposing Shredder, looking threatening.

The Shredder!

5.  A close up of the four turtles.  They aren't scared nor intimidated.

A kitchen utensil?


  1. I actually really liked the mood you were building with those first four panels. I mean, I recognize that introducing Shredder as Shredder isn't exactly breaking new ground, but you had a nice, concise summary that rang true and felt somewhat menacing.

    Unfortunately, the reveal that you're playing it for laughs didn't quite land for me. With everything else being played straight, that last panel feels out of place. I think it might have worked better if you merged panels 4 and 5 into one, with the Turtles inserting their glib comment before he can reveal his name, thus undercutting him in a real and embarrassing way.

    Am I overthinking this? I might be overthinking this.

  2. Ah, and there's the rub - it wasn't playing for laughs ;)

    This is a character piece on Shredder. You are suppose to associate with Shredder (which sounds like you did). He is menacing - a force to be reckoned with. He is intimidating and any sane person would fear for their lives.

    Then all that is taken away by a single line. A joke. A gag strips him of all that time and work and training that he went through to make himself a threat. One line destroys him.

    I wish I could have conveyed that better.


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