Sunday, August 3, 2014

Shredder - Happy Birthday - R.A. Wonsowski

Panel 1- ME, my WIFE, and my KIDS (10 and 6 years old) walk into an Olive Garden Italian restaurant, greeted by SHREDDER at the Maître'd podium. He is holding menus and waving a hand into the table area. I am mildly surprised, but WIFE grabs my arm nervously. The KIDS think being greeted by a man covered in knives is cool.

SHREDDER: Wonsowski. Table for four. Welcome to Olive Garden.

Panel 2- SHREDDER takes our order, writing on his pad of paper. He is imposing, and not making WIFE any more comfortable...

WIFE: I'll have the seafood Alfredo...
WIFE: Yesthechicken!

Panel 3- SHREDDER is tossing salad in the giant salad bowl with one claw, while a Foot Clan NINJA grates Parmesan cheese using SHREDDER'S extended other arm, over my younger KID'S lasagna. WIFE is taking a large swallow of red wine. The breadstick basket is empty, and my older KID bravely holds it out to SHREDDER.

OLDER KID: Can we please get more breadsticks?
SHREDDER: Your table will be dominated by their garlicky goodness.

Panel 4- The older KID has a slice of chocolate mousse cake with a candle sticking out of it in front of him; the younger KID laughs and claps as SHREDDER leads a trio of Foot Clan NINJAS in song. Even WIFE is looking at ME with an impressed look upon her face.

SHREDDER: Sing, curse you! SING!
NINJA TRIO: Na-na-na-na-nanaaa, dadah - You say it's your birthday.... Na-na-na-na-nanaaa, dadah - It's my birthday too, yeah....

Panel 5- With a mighty mid-air slash, SHREDDER cuts my credit card in three with his claw. I stand shocked with my wallet in my hand as my FAMILY laugh at my shame.

SHREDDER: Diner's Club?!? You call yourself a man? Have you no MasterCard?!

Panel 6- WE all leave together, to-go boxes in hand, waving goodbye to SHREDDER, two Foot Clan NINJAS high-fiving behind him. WIFE's got her arm around me affectionately and my KIDS are rambunctiously happy. SHREDDER waves back...

YOUNGER KID: I wanna come back for MY birthday!
SHREDDER: Thank you, come again...or I'll destroy you all!


  1. "Your table will be dominated by their garlicky goodness" is one of the better lines I've read in recent memory.

    This is a completely off-the-wall Shredder page, and I'd want it no other way. I appreciate that you don't waste time explaining why any of this is happening and instead spend your time wringing as many jokes as possible out of the page. Thumbs up.

  2. Heh - I can totally see this happening in the new movie.
    You too have used that "I appear in my own script' card Ray. Two writer's using it in as many weeks. Oh my.

    The page itself was well paced mate. Good work.

  3. I'm inclined to think that with a little work this could actually fit right in with the 80's cartoon series.


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