Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The Shredder – Future Erred – MK Stangeland Jr.

(RAPHAEL has found himself in a dark, war-torn version of the future. Here, he’s confronted by what at first glance appears to be the SHREDDER.)

(4~ Panels)

Panel 1: SHREDDER removes his mask as he holds RAPHAEL in the air, revealing himself to actually be a future version of RAPHAEL – SHREDDER!RAPH. His armor is redesigned to fit the turtle’s body structure. His face lacks his typical red mask, but he has a number of scars and where future versions of RAPHAEL normally have an eye-patch, his missing eye is instead flowing with dark, mystical energy.

SHREDDER!RAPH: Why would I want to kill you when you offer us a second chance?

RAPHAEL: You…Me…?!

Panel 2: SHREDDER!RAPH drops RAPHAEL, who fails to catch himself on account of shock.

SFX: thunk

SHREDDER!RAPH (1): Yeah. I’m who you become.

SHREDDER!RAPH (2): Or I was.

Panel 3: RAPHAEL holds his sais as he picks himself up, positioning himself like he’s ready for another bout against his future self. SHREDDER!RAPH is unimpressed.

RAPHAEL: I’m going to need a better explanation than that!

SHREDDER!RAPH: I’ll give you one.

Panel 4: This and the rest of the page should flow together as if they were one large panel, even as they have their own individual pieces. The whole of it is highlighted against a backdrop of the same kind of energy flowing out of SHREDDER!RAPH’s missing eye, and should be arranged so that it starts from the corner of SHREDDER!RAPH’s missing eye and then flows to fill the rest of the page.

Panel 4-1: SHREDDER – OROKU SAKI – stand above the slain bodies of MASTER SPLINTER, DONATELLO, and MICHELANGELO. He holds LEONARDO by the neck and prepares to kill him.

SHREDDER!RAPH (1): He killed ‘em. All of ‘em. My brothers, Master Splinter. Even Casey Jones.

SHREDDER!RAPH (2): Almost killed me too. I barely escaped, and then spent years planning revenge.

Panel 4-2: RAPHAEL stands triumphant above the dead body of ORODU SAKI and holds SHREDDER’s helmet in his hands above him like he’s just claimed the worlds greatest trophy.

SHREDDER!RAPH: And then killed him and seized control of the Foot. I tried to use them to do some good in this world. In my family’s memory.

Panel 4-3: SHREDDER!RAPH – now appearing in his present armor, but without all the battle scars and with both his eyes. He leads an army of FOOT NINJAS into battle.

SHREDDER!RAPH: I think you can tell that didn’t work out too well.



  1. I like the idea and really dig the layout of this page. It's ambitious and flows well. The only thing i would suggest is tackling the dialogue a bit more. It's very good at the start - you capture Raph's voice well. Shrephael speaks eloquently, but perhaps a bit too formally. The sentence that springs to mind is the last - the "I think" could easily be chopped away and sound more realistic. Think of how your letterer would love you.

  2. As is often the case, you've come up with a really interesting situation for this week's character, one that hooks the reader pretty quickly.

    However, I will second Ben's sentiment of working the dialogue a bit more, althoughtI actually feel like Shrephael is too informal at various points in the this script. On the whole, while you're obviously informing the audience as to what's happened, there is an awful lot of explicit exposition that could be left a bit vaguer for more natural flowing dialogue.


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