Friday, September 12, 2014

Invisible Woman – Indomitable – Travis M. Holyfield

Panel 1: Susan Richards, The Invisible Woman, stands facing Mentallo. Her fists are clenched, and her mouth is set in a determined grimace. Beads of sweat dot her forehead. Mentallo's helmet emits a (Kirby) crackle of energy.

MENTALLO: You're only hurting yourself, Mrs. Richards.

MENTALLO: A.I.M. has improved my psycho-helmet. It's boosting my powers to levels even Charles Xavier never reached.

Panel 2: Focus on Mentallo's face. His helmet continues to pulse with energy as he smiles a cocksure grin.

MENTALLO: Please just open your husband's lab for me, before your brain dissolves into taffy.

Panel 3: Continuation of previous panel. Mentallo's helmet continues to pulse, but he's no longer smiling. Sweat is starting to pour down his face, and he looks panicked.

MENTALLO: How.. how are you resisting? It's...

MENTALLO Your willpower... Never seen anything like...

Panel 4: Susan thrusts her hands towards Mentallo. A cylinder of invisible force extends from her hands to smash Mentallo against a wall.



Panel 5: Sue takes a moment to collect herself. She leans against a wall, breathing deeply. Mentallo lies in a crumpled heap on the floor.


SUSAN RICHARDS: I've been married to Reed Richards for ten years and I haven't smothered him in his sleep with a pillow.

Panel 6: Susan steps over Mentallo's unconscious body, striding boldly towards her next challenge.

SUSAN RICHARDS: You have NO idea what willpower is.


  1. I really dig this, Travis. An excellent look at Sue's strength as a character, with a solid build throughout. My one suggestion would be to perhaps change Sue collecting herself in panel 5. It might be a tad much for showing how amazing / strong she is, but for a one-pager, your dialogue would almost lead one to expect it.


Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.