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Created by editor Sana Amanat, writer G. Willow Wilson, and artist Adrian Alphona, Kamala represents the first Muslim character to ever headline a Marvel Comic book. And to me, she represents something else - the idea that EVERYONE can potentially be a superhero. Kamala is a teenage Muslim girl, and her story provides a window into that world of experience, but she is not defined by any one attribute or label. She is brave, charming, likeable, and utterly relatable, and my favorite new character to be introduced at the House of Ideas since Miles Morales. Every issue of Ms. Marvel has made me smile, has made me laugh, has made me cheer, and has made me learn something.
Everyone deserves to be a superhero. Kamala Khan is proof of that.
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| Cosplay by Riana Elliott. Photo By Pat Loika. |
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ReplyDeleteJust found this site and I want to give it a try, so...
ReplyDeleteI'd rather not reveal my actual name, though. Also, I screwed up on the first post and so I'm trying again.
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Ms. Marvel - Public Opinion
PAGE SETUP
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All dialogue is in color-coded letterboxes
SCENE 1
(Ms. Marvel is gritting her teeth as flying spider-bots are flying overhead and shooting towards the street. Both of her hands have been enlarged, one is swatting a spider-bot aside and the other is clenched into a fist. Various people are running for cover.)
Interviewer (pink letterbox): Chief LaFours, in the wake of the recent rise in supervillain activity within Jersey City, what are your thoughts regarding the masked superhero Ms. Marvel and her role in protecting the public?
Chief (blue letterbox): I want to make something very clear. This is not New York. We don't have to deal with a thousand superheroes and supervillains flying everywhere. In this city, we make do with what we have, and everything is better for it. Once you start dragging superpowers into the situation, you get a warzone, and I am not letting this city fall to New York's level.
SCENE 2
(Ms. Marvel is carrying a child under each arm as her scarf is morphed to form a barrier between herself and the fists of a giant robot)
Chief (blue letterbox): I ask that anybody who sees a superpowered individual causing trouble to call the local authorities immediately. Do NOT attempt to detain them yourself. We can handle them, you can't.
SCENE 3
(In front of the collapsed and smoldering giant robot, The Inventor is shouting and waving his arms frantically as Ms. Marvel grips him by the back of his coat and above the ground. She has stretched and tied her legs around the robot's own so as to trip it and make it fall to the ground. Her upper torso is elongated as she holds the bird-headed Inventor in front of the hesitant police and SHIELD agents with a smile.)
Chief (blue letterbox): As to this... Ms. Marvel, I will not hesitate to detain her if she becomes too much of a public nuisance. Allowing vigilantes like her to interfere in police business indicates a complete lack of respect for our work.
SCENE 4
(Mystique is facing the reader as she is firing her crossbow at Ms. Marvel, who is stretching her torso underneath the oncoming arrows as she leaps off to the side. Mystique's free hand has been morphed into a giant spiked ball, which she is rearing up to swing at her)
Chief (blue letterbox): And I don't need to remind people of the incident in which the assassin Arcade captured all those children and made them fight each other to the death. The leaked video footage is evidence enough that psychos like him are not the kind of people any child should be allowed to deal with.
SCENE 5
(Overhead angle shot of Ms. Marvel striding down the street on elongated legs, a deep smile on her face as she is simply enjoying the freedom of her powers)
Chief (blue letterbox): We're not in the 1960s. The world we live in now has no place for child superheroes anymore. Do you hear me, Ms. Marvel? Go home for your own safety and let us do our job!
Interviewer (pink letterbox): Interesting. Would anybody like to comment on what they think about Ms. Marvel?
Audience member (yellow letterbox w/ lightning bolt in front): I do... I think she's magnificent!
First of all: Welcome to Thought Balloons! It's always good to see a new play-at-home contributor!
DeleteSecond: Second - there is a LOT of dialogue here. A LOT. I'm not always the best when it comes to judging how well a certain amount of text will fit into a certain space, but I'm inclined to think it would be a tricky situation to fit all the words you'd like around the action you've also written up.
Also, some of the text - provided all if it could remain in-tact - it probably wouldn't hurt to break some of the longer segments up across multiple boxes.
It was a first attempt and I know it's too wordy in hindsight. Given the option, I would redo it.
DeleteCheers, Maetch!
DeleteThanks for joining in and playing along at home. I'm double-excited that you chose to do so on my selection week.
I dig your concept. You clearly have a great grasp on current continuity, and you're working that well into the story. You're also allowing your letterer a chance to REALLY contribute to the page, with the different color and different designed caption boxes. I think a lot of times we forget that these are tools we can use to tell the tale.
Constructive criticism - Michael is right that this runs a little text heavy. Remember these rules of thumb:
- Max of 210 words per page (Moore)
- Max of 3 lines per balloon (Brubaker)
- Max of 3 balloons per panel (Ellis)
Now, these are guidelines, not anything chiseled into stone, but I find them very helpful.
As for the option to redo - You've got it! Edit that puppy up and then resubmit it below! Editing is your friend. The script I just completed for my new comic went through, no joke, 17 revisions before I locked it down.
Again, welcome, and thanks for playing!
Hey Maetch, welcome!
ReplyDeleteTravis and MK covered things pretty well. I'd just like to add a way that I keep my dialogue under control. I try to stick to the 30 words per panel rule. A great way to test your brevity of dialogue is to join twitter. Seriously, the best writer's tool you could hope for. Feel free to add us on there - in @BenRosenthal
Hope to see more from you!
Howdy, Maetch! Welcome aboard!
ReplyDeleteMy colleagues seem to have brought up most of the salient points at this juncture, but I would like to take a moment to laud your scene choices. They could be tied to the dialogue a little more directly, but on their own they are a whole lot of fun. Some great thought and care went into their devising.
Kudos once more. Don't be a stranger. :)
Alright, one more try. I tried to cut the dialogue down more. I've got other ideas that I might try later, too.
ReplyDelete--------------------
Ms. Marvel - Public Opinion
PAGE SETUP
111 222
111 222
333 444
333 444
5555555
5555555
All dialogue is in color-coded letterboxes
SCENE 1
(Ms. Marvel is gritting her teeth as flying spider-bots are flying overhead and shooting towards the street. Both of her hands have been enlarged, one is swatting a spider-bot aside and the other is clenched into a fist. Various people are running for cover.)
(top of panel)
Interviewer (pink letterbox): Chief LaFours, what are your thoughts regarding the masked superhero Ms. Marvel and her role in protecting the public?
(bottom of panel)
Chief (blue letterbox): I feel that once you start dragging superpowers into a situation, you get a warzone, and I am not letting this city fall to New York's level.
SCENE 2
(Ms. Marvel is carrying a child under each arm as her scarf is morphed to form a barrier between herself and the incoming fists of a giant robot)
(top)
Chief (blue letterbox): I ask that anybody who sees a superpowered individual causing trouble to call the local authorities immediately. Do NOT attempt to detain them yourself.
SCENE 3
(In front of the collapsed and smoldering giant robot, The Inventor is shouting and waving his arms frantically as Ms. Marvel grips him by the back of his coat and above the ground. She has stretched and tied her legs around the robot's own so as to trip it and make it fall to the ground. Her upper torso is elongated as she holds the bird-headed Inventor in front of the hesitant police and SHIELD agents with a smile.)
(top)
Chief (blue letterbox): As to Ms. Marvel, I will detain her if she becomes too much of a public nuisance. Allowing vigilantes like her to operate in this city indicates a complete lack of respect for our work.
SCENE 4
(Mystique is facing the reader as she is firing her crossbow at Ms. Marvel, who is stretching her torso underneath the oncoming arrows as she leaps off to the side. Mystique's free hand has been morphed into a giant spiked ball, which she is rearing up to swing at her)
(top)
Chief (blue letterbox): And I don't need to remind people of the much-publicized incident with that assassin Arcade. Psychos like him are not what any child should be allowed to deal with.
SCENE 5
(Overhead angle shot of Ms. Marvel striding down the street on elongated legs, a deep smile on her face as she is simply enjoying the freedom of her powers)
(upper-left)
Chief (blue letterbox): We're not in the 1960s. The world we live in now has no place for child superheroes anymore. Do you hear me, Ms. Marvel? Go home for your own safety and let us do our job!
(bottom-right corner)
Interviewer (pink letterbox): Interesting. Would anybody like to comment on what they think about Ms. Marvel?
Audience member (yellow letterbox w/ lightning bolt in front): I do... I think she's magnificent!
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ReplyDeleteEDIT: Deleted first attempt due to missed errors.
ReplyDeleteI decided to try another one. This time, I tried to play with perspectives in each panel.
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Ms. Marvel - What's In A Name?
Set-up
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PANEL 1
(Side-view of Carol Danvers confronting Kamala on a rooftop. Both are in their respective costumes. Standing on the left of the panel, Carol's expression is one of anger as she crosses her arms and glares angrily towards the ground while floating in front of Kamala on the right. Carol's back is turned to Kamala to emphasize her current disapproval of the new heroine. Kamala's expression is of surprise in that her idol is actually angry with her)
Carol: Who gave you permission to take my old codename? Because I sure as hell didn't!
Kamala: Well... you weren't using it and I figured-
PANEL 2
(Camera faces Carol from a side-angle as she talks and reminisces, her back turned towards the adjoining PANEL 3 and Kamala. Each statement is stacked in a separate speech-bubble connected with stems)
Carol: My memory's been scrambled non-stop over the years, but I still remember very well that I don't take kindly to unauthorized imitators. Especially shapeshifters.
And you don't even have a connection to Mar-Vell, so it's not like you're continuing his legacy. Tell me...
What right do YOU have to take that name?
PANEL 3
(Kamala looks down with a sad expression. Each statement is layered with separate bubbles)
Kamala: No one. But I... I...
I just wanted to do good... Like you.
PANEL 4
(No words. Behind-shoulder-view of Kamala as she looks up to Carol's turned back in sad hope)
PANEL 5
(Behind-shoulder shot of Carol as she turns her head towards PANEL 6 with a smirk)
Carol:If that's so... then you might just be worthy of the name Ms. Marvel yet.
PANEL 6
(No words. Close-up shot of Kamala's smiling face as she looks up towards PANEL 5 and Carol)
Hi! Welcome toTB!
ReplyDeleteIf I had to choose between your two submissions, I'd go with the second. Not only is the dialogue crisper, the panels tighter, but you're nailing CHARACTER. You hone right in on why Kamala is a great person to write about, and read about. Keep coming around, Match!
Maetch...
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