Panel 1: Night. SQUIRREL GIRL leaps across the rooftops of NEW YORK, followed closely behind by her loyal assistant, TIPPY-TOE.
TIPPY-TOE: Na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na, na na…
SQUIRREL GIRL: SQUIRREL GIRL!
Panel 2: SQUIRREL GIRL and TIPPY-TOE stand on a rooftop overlooking a CANDY FACTORY.
SQUIRREL GIRL: There it is! The scene of the crime!
TIPPY-TOE: But what fiends would dare rob a place like a Candy Factory?
Panel 3: SQUIRREL GIRL and TIPPY-TOE leap off the rooftop. Panel angles upwards for atmosphere.
Panel 4: SQUIRREL GIRL and TIPPY-TOE look in through a skylight into the factory. The panel looks upwards away from the insides of the factory to look both of them in the face. SQUIRREL GIRL looks noticeably distressed.
SQUIRREL GIRL (1): GASP!
SQUIRREL GIRL (2): I never imagined such a day might come!
TIPPY-TOE: What is it?
SQUIRREL GIRL (3): They’re my one true weakness!
Panel 5: Inside the factory, where we see what has distressed SQUIRREL GIRL so. The FACTORY is being robbed by supervillain babies – they’re clearly babies, but outfitted to look like super criminals who know exactly what they’re doing.
SQUIRREL GIRL: BABIES!
Now this is a script with some serious whimsy power behind it! Love the back and forth between Squirrel Girl and Tippy-Toe - some excellent fun there. The reveal is also equal parts ridiculous, adorable, and hilarious.ReplyDelete
My main suggestion would be to switch up the positioning of the characters in panel 4. If both SG and TT are looking through the skylight, there's no reason for Tippy to ask what it is they're seeing, because she can see it as well. If something like SG taking up the whole view took place, with TT trying to get a look, her line to set up the reveal in panel 5 would make more sense. A small thing, but I think it would make the script shine even more.