Thursday, May 28, 2015
Elektra - Blind Man's Bluff - J.D. Coughlan
Elektra and Daredevil have a tense showdown in a textiles factory, which breaks into a fight.
Panel 1: From behind Daredevil's back as he dodges out the way of Elektra's thrown sai, a smug grin on his face.
ELEKTRA (CAP): He's fast.
Panel 2: Elektra's sai hits a large button on the wall.
ELEKTRA (CAP): But I wasn't aiming for him.
Panel 3: Daredevil frowning as the factory machinery loudly comes to life around him.
Panel 4: Elektra dives away from Daredevil as he lunges for her in desperation. With her other sai, she stabs at a large plastic bucket marked " HOT GLUE"
ELEKTRA (CAP): When outmatched in a fight, always use your opponent's advantages against them.
Panel 5: In the background, the hot glue pours out onto the floor, maybe with stink lines emanating from it. In the foreground, Daredevil turns back towards Elektra (OP), his nose and face wrinkled in disgust.
DAREDEVIL: (small) Ugh...
Panel 6: Daredevil, not looking as graceful as usual, throws one of his escrima sticks at Elektra, who backflips away.
ELEKTRA (CAP): When you remove even a sliver of their superiority...
Panel 7: Elektra stands behind a propped up sheet of glass, preparing her sai for a throw. On the other side of the glass, Daredevil stands in a cautious pose, searching for her. He is looking right at her.
ELEKTRA (CAP): ...they will sacrifice the rest in their panic. Then, all that remains...
Panel 8: Daredevil's POV. In his radar-sense, the panel of glass appears as a solid wall that he cannot "see" through.
ELEKTRA (CAP): ...is to push them over.
END OF PAGE
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I know I still struggle at times when it comes to action scenes, so perhaps it's my preferences more than anything coming through, but I feel like there's a little too much going on here. With so much going on, it feels like no single part would get the attention it should. I'd almost suggest taking out one of the tricks (perhaps the glue) to give the rest of the page a bit more space to breath.ReplyDelete
That said, I do really dig that glass / wall image at the end, along with the dialogue.
Yeah, I'm wondering how that glass thing would really work? Realistically, he should be able to smell and hear her - the sound might be hard but her scent would be something he would never forget, but I definitely dig the idea.ReplyDelete
I also think the page is a touch busy. You are dropping it all so 'we' know but remember, you can explain the context of the page as having stuff before it so you can structure just what you need on this page. Hell, a panel of Elektra behind the glass staring at Murdock would be super effective after he spends the previous page 'losing' her. I know splash pages don't feel right on here but try to write for the entire story, not just all that you can fit into this one page.