1 - Owen stands at the foot of a bed in a small, dingy apartment / hotel. He holds his hands to his head in fear / frustration. An open briefcase sits on the bed. It's filled with what look to be ledgers, papers, and the like.
CAPTION (OWEN): Jules said the case would be stuffed with cash.
OWEN (quiet): fuck
2 - Now on one knee Owen is rifling through the briefcase's contents in a panic, maybe throwing things out here and there.
CAPTION (OWEN): Instead, it's filled with Mr. B's books.
3 - Owen picks up the suitcase and throws it across the room into a wall. Its contents spill and fly out - books, ledgers, and papers going everywhere. If desired, an old revolver can also be seen coming out, although it doesn't have to be obvious.
CAPTION (OWEN): Every detail of his operations. Money spent. Crimes committed. Lives ruined.
OWEN (loud): FUCK!
4 - Owen stands surveying the mess he's made. Books, ledgers, and papers are all over the places. There's also that aforementioned revolver, which is near the door.
CAPTION (OWEN): It's all here.
Owen (quiet): ...what?
5 - Owen is down on his hands and knees, picking up and examining the revolver. A knock is visible at the door.
CAPTION (OWEN): And I'm the dumbfuck who took it.
SFX: KNOK! KNOK!
6 - Owen looks up towards the door, holding the gun in front of his face so his mouth is covered and one eye looks through the trigger guard. While his expression is partially masked, it's clear that he's scared out of his mind (as per the third photo from Shaun's prompt).
OWEN (quiet): fuck
This works nicely as both a 1 pager and the first page of a longer story. I could see this as the "flash forward" opening to a cool mistaken identity-type tale.ReplyDelete
I guess the photos really inspire the noir this week...the mood is infectious, and you can taste the dread. I'd love to see where this goes from here...ReplyDelete
What I love most here is the use of the photo in the last panel. The photo had a strong powerful feel to it for me, but you twist on it's head. I never would have thought to use it in such a way. That's what I wanted this week to be all about - seeing what the images evoked for everyone. Oh also, as Ray said the mood you build here is near perfect. Brilliant little page - if this doesn't become a larger story I'll be surprised.ReplyDelete