Sunday, August 2, 2015

Metamorpho: The Element Man Walks Into A Bar... - P. A. Nolte

1/ A bartender cleaning a glass.  He responds to a question from off-panel with not even a hint of interest.

Metamorpho (OP): What do you do with a dead chemist?

Bartender: Barium.

2/ Still cleaning.

Metamorpho (OP): You hear the one about the guy reading a book on helium?

Bartender: He couldn't put it down.

3/ Still cleaning.

Metamorpho (OP): Hmph.  Well, you know what they say.  If you're not part of the solution--

Bartender: You're part of the precipitate.

4/ Still cleaning.

Metamorpho (OP): That one too, huh?  But do you know why you can't trust atoms?

Bartender: They make up everything.

5/ Will that glass ever get clean?

Metamorpho (OP): Grr.  This is harder than I thought.  All the good jokes--

Bartender: Argon.  Heard it.

6/ Nope.  It's still being cleaned.

Metamorpho (OP): Fine!

Metamorpho (OP): What do you call a benzene ring with iron atoms instead of carbon?

Bartender: A ferrous wheel.  Next.

7/ Metamorpho sitting at the bar.  He's got a number of bottles and glasses strewn in front of him, but is indiscernible from his usual jovial self.  The bartender, from behind, still hasn't finished cleaning that damn glass.  It may never be clean.

Metamorpho: This would be a lot more fun if I could get drunk.

Bartender: I assure you, it would not.


  1. Hot damn. I was not expecting anything like this for Metamorpho, but I'm mighty glad you went in this direction. These jokes are priceless (and terrible), but they are made even better with the back and forth from the deadpan bartender, leading up to that final line. Gold. Just love it.

  2. The balls it takes to go with that static shot man - but it pays off big time here and plays right into the back and forth nature of the whole thing. Little fun page, and as Grant says not the kinda thing I expected to read this week, but I'm glad I got to.

    I also love when things are in the script that will never see the finished page but make the actual script a more interesting thing. In this case the glass never getting clean bit. Gold!

  3. This was too much fun. A really great read, and I love terrible jokes so excellent job.

  4. I'm very much getting a sense that this is being written as if it's a very regular thing, and you've done a very good job with what you've put together here. Especially with all those jokes you've written.

  5. I don't want to repeat all of the above comments, so allow me to just stand up, and slow clap. Incredibly well crafted script this week. Take a bow, PA.

  6. Thank you, all. I wish I could take credit for writing all those terrible puns, but I have the almighty Google to thank for that.

    As for whether or not Rex is a regular, ... Either that, or the bartender has a PhD he's not putting to good use.


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