1 - Establishing shot. We're in a train yard filled with shipping containers. A stacks of old containers on the left goes off into the distance (like in the poster), scripts from all over the world written along their sides. A train with new containers is pulling into the freight yard. Some workers are about, directing traffic or readying machinery.
CAPTION (SARA) (1): They say the boxes are killing this town.
CAPTION (SARA) (2): Moving goods halfway around the world for pennies.
CAPTION (SARA) (3): Our factories can't compete.
2 - Close-up of the driver of a forklift-esque vehicle next to the train. The driver is middle-aged, mustached, and balding (although that last point may not be visible depending on hat / helmet he might be wearing). He scowls. While he is the focus of the panel, behind him on the right of the panel we can see the yard's fence. A figure stands outside the fence, looking in (see inset panel).
CAPTION (SARA): So most everyone curses as they pass through.
DRIVER (quietly): Great. More god damn containers.
3 - Inset panel around the figure standing outside the fence. It's a young woman - the Sara who has been speaking in the captions throughout the page. It's hard to make out all the details at this distance, but she seems to be wearing some punk rock clothing (ripped jeans, combat boots, hoodie, etc) and has dyed hair.
CAPTION (SARA): Not me.
4 - Close-up on Sara on the other side of the fence. It's chain link, but it would be great if we could get a "trapped" feeling as she hangs onto the fence and looks longingly at the trains within the yard. At this distance, we can see the full extent of her punk rock aesthetic: dyed hair cut short on the side and long on the top (kinda like Natalie Dormer), pierced septum, gauged ears, maybe some tattoos. You get the idea - she isn't your typical small-town girl.
CAPTION (SARA): I wish I could go with them.
This is a neat story. I like the longing aspect to it. Very easy to relate to.ReplyDelete
I think the second panel may have a bit much in it. Just that it might be difficult to encompass the man, his relation to the containers (physically), his expression, and the figure in the background.
Anyway, very nice.