(4 Panels)
Panel 1: A Private Investigator – DETECTIVE DANIELS –
is standing in a busy train station.
TEXT BOX (1): Detective Daniels has a riddle to solve.
TEXT BOX (2): His gut tells him that there is a connection
between a new train system and a mysterious increase in deaths among the
elderly.
TEXT BOX (3): Deaths that are officially recorded as being
of natural causes.
Panel 2: A TRAIN CONDUCTOR beside the train – he
looks to be mostly minding his own business but is glancing over his shoulder
for just that moment. He should have a minor hint of an aura of death about
him, shown in such a way as to make it unclear if it’s actually there or if
DANIELS is just imagining it.
TEXT BOX (1): Detective Daniels believes the new conductors
are somehow connected.
TEXT BOX (2): Conductors who are touted as having an uncanny
ability to ‘make the trains run on time’.
Panel 3: DETECTIVE DANIELS is in his office. He is
hard at work examining a stereotypical-style clue wall full of pictures and
written clues about the mystery he’s investigating.
TEXT BOX (1): His greatest deductive reasoning failed to
piece together any possible explanation.
TEXT BOX (2): Until he began to consider the supernatural.
Panel 4: DETECTIVE DANIELS looks towards a clock that’s
posted up on the wall.
TEXT BOX: And realized that perhaps the trains really do run…on
time.
(END PAGE)
A very efficient introduction to a classic EC Comics-esque tale of horror. I think some of your captions could be trimmed down slightly, but the overall thrust really sets things up in a quicky manner. Would be interested to see the rest of the tale.
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