Turn the Page will continue after the following public service announcement...
Panel 1 - the stage of a strip joint. A buxom, yet leggy topless dancer cavorting around the stripper pole in front of a red velvet curtain, a vacant look in her eyes, her nipples covered with pasties that look like UPC barcodes, wearing a Santa hat and a g-string decorated in jingle bells. The disco lights barely cutting through the cigarette smoke, patrons and drinks are scattered and demolished like a war zone.
SPIDER (off panel, from behind curtain): Merry Christmas, sinners. Where parents buy blinky idiot screens for their kids so they can play with their new blinky idiot screens...
Panel 2- same as above, however ITTY BITTY SPIDER JERUSALEM has emerged from behind the curtain, walking between the stripper's legs with a cigarette between his teeth, scratching a match alight on the inner thigh of the dancer. He is speaking up at her breasts.
SPIDER: I myself never had blinky idiot screens growing up. Hang on...
SPIDER: WHERE ARE YOUR LUNCH TAPS?!?
Panel 3- SPIDER, now past the tables in the background, walks past a BOUNCER that looks like a steroid-filled Hagar the Horrible in a black suit and shades. He even has the horned helmet on. He stares blankly ahead as SPIDER jumps up and high-fives the BOUNCER and lights his smoke at the same time.
SPIDER: No, as I linger in my childhood olfactory memory of scrotal sweat and talc, I'm thankful for the greatest gift my parents ever gave me.
SPIDER: They bloody talked to me.
Panel 4- from outside Bazoom's Cabaret, ITTY BITTY SPIDER JERUSALEM looks over his live shades at us, cig in his teeth again and pointing at us accusingly.
SPIDER: Any shit-heel with unrestrained naughty bits can breed spawn.
SPIDER: Turn off your blinking screen and go hug your kid before you can't.