Thursday, January 28, 2016

Sudden Change of Outlook (a tale of Redemption Road) - Ray Wonsowski

Setup: if you're a long-timer at Thoughtballoons, you might remember that one of my earliest ideas was of a reformed Electro, (Max Dillon) raising a baby daughter and working as a supervillain skiptracer. You can find previous entries here, here, and here...This night, while trying to round up his next bounty, he stumbles upon a shipping container owned by Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin...


Panel 1- doors are swung wide on the shipping container, we are looking inside. There are about a dozen or so boys and girls between the ages of 7 and 11, dressed in Sunday clothehandss. The children and their clothes are a bit smudged with grime, but not too much, after all, this is Fisk's "merchandise" being exported. They are all, however, terrified, some crying,  others defiantly angry, but all scared. In the background is a stained bucket they've been using as a toilet. 


Panel 2- Medium two-shot. Foreground, MAX, dressed in a leather jacket and a green turtleneck, his face reading shock at the sight. Background,  FISK behind him, ever the poised businessman,  hands in his pockets.

FISK: Really, Max, this shouldn't be surprising. 

FISK: Considering all the enterprises under my purview...

Panel 3- same as panel 2, but MAX is failing to hold back his rage,  tears starting to well in his eyes.

MAX: They're kids, Wilson. 

FISK: They're a commodity. One cannot afford to be thinking of them as children. 

Panel 4- close-up, MAX's sparking fist.

MAX: Actually, I'm thinking of my daughter, you sonuvabitch...

Panel 5- MAX turns, furiously unloading a full charge into FISK's face.

MAX: She saved ME!!!

Panel 6- Close-up two-shot, MAX, teeth bared, holding FISK's barely conscious head in his sparking hands, his face smoldering from the burns, skin already blistering.

FISK: ...wub...

MAX: And now I'm returning the favor....

No comments:

Post a Comment

Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.