(The panels should be done in a photographic style that takes panels from the movies.)
Panel 1: PRINCESS LEIA inserting a disk into ARTOO, from the beginning of EPISODE IV – The background has been shifted to TATOOINE, POE DAMERON’s head has been pasted over PRINCESS LEIA’s head, and BB-8’s dome has been pasted over ARTOO’s dome.
Over On the planet Tatooine Jakuu, an
important Rebel Resistance operative is hunted by the Galactic Empire
First Order while trying to transport important data. The data is given to a
loyal droid that escapes.
Panel 2: KYLO REN speaks with the giant hologram of SUPREME LEADER SNOKE, from FORCE AWAKENS. KYLO REN has DARTH VADER’s helmet pasted over his head, the same has been done with EMPEROR PALPATINES head being pasted over that of SNOKE.
TEXT (1): The First Order is led by a mysterious leader who is only seen through holograms, and his will is carried out by a dark Force wielder who is the former student of an elder Jedi who the Resistance operative was trying to find, only to betray him and help whip out the Jedi order.
TEXT (2): Also, he’s
father son of one of the main
Panel 3: REY freeing BB-8 from capture by a scavenger, as seen in FORCE AWAKENS. A JAWA has been pasted over the scavenger, ARTOO’s doom has been pasted over BB-8’s dome, and LUKE SKYWALKER’s head has been pasted over REY’s head.
TEXT (1): The droid carrying important data encounters our hero, a
farmboy scavenger who doesn’t know his her parents and
daydreams about elsewhere. This encounter triggers the start of her heroes
TEXT (2): She’s also strong in the Force.
Panel 4: FINN, REY, BB-8, HAN, and CHEWIE are aboard the MILLENIUM FALCON, from EPISODE VII. BB-8 has ARTOO’s head pasted over his own, and LUKE’s head is pasted over REY’s.
TEXT: The heroes escape the First Order aboard the Millenium Falcon under fire, and a meeting happens with the ships owners, a pair of smugglers named Han Solo and Chewbacca.
Panel 5: The MOS EISLEY cantina, from EPISODE IV. Heads from TAKODANA cantina patrons have been pasted over the MOS EISLEY cantina patrons.
TEXT: Also, a shady cantina to show of an array of alien species and have an important meeting happen!
Panel 6: STARKILLER BASE firing its superlaser, from EPISODE VII. The DEATH STAR has been pasted over the center of STARKILER BASE.
TEXT: Meanwhile, the First Order uses its massive superweapon –
The Death Star, a moon-sized space station with the power to
destroy an entire planet Starkiller Base, a planet turned into a space
station with the power to destroy multiple planets anywhere in the galaxy – to
destroy an important world to make a point and show how evil they are.
Panel 7: HAN SOLO confronts KYLO REN on STARKILLER BASE, from EPISODE VII. OBI-WAN KENOBI’s head has been pasted over HAN SOLO’s, and DARTH VADER’s head has been pasted over KYLO REN.
TEXT (1): An infiltration of Starkiller Base happens, which includes a rescue, and an elder, wiser hero who’s been a mentor to our new heroes and was one of the main characters across the previous trilogy dying at the hands of the main villain after the two confront one another.
TEXT (2): Also, a space battle happens where X-Wing fighters try to hit an important point in order to destroy Starkiller Base.
Panel 8: REY confronts LUKE SKYWALKER from the end of EPISODE VII. LUKE’s head has been pasted over REY’s, and YODA’s head has been pasted over LUKE’s.
TEXT (1): Oh, and then we introduce the elder hermit Jedi people were trying to find, because that’s a plot point that was important and stuff.
TEXT (2): CLIFFHANGER!
(Yes, I know this is a point that people have already made, but it’s an idea I’ve had since I first heard that the movie is basically a retread <which was something I had a bad feeling would be the case for weeks before it released anyhow>, even before I saw the movie or other people were already making the point. As it is, I could probably make this a lot longer if I wasn't trying to keep it to a length that could at least theoretically stick within a single page.
And given that the more I think about it, the more I’m pretty sure I actually hate The Force Awakens, I don’t really feel any qualms about reiterating the point.)
Oh, man, ... I didn't actively avoid spoilers going in for this very reason. The Force Awakens more or less being a remake of A New Hope was something I had anticipated, but better a retread of a movie I enjoy than another muddled prequel, I told myself.ReplyDelete
So, while many, many other people have gotten there first, I'm glad you were able to vent your frustrations in such an entertaining way. Do you feel any better?
As Phil says, this seems like quite the cathartic exercise, MK. I don't necessarily hold the same feelings on the matter, but I'm glad you had an outlet to vent your frustrations.ReplyDelete