Saturday, February 13, 2016
Blind Al - Breakfast - P. A. Nolte
1/ Clad only in his mask, belt, and a pair of tighty whities, Deadpool descends the stairway of the Deadhut into the kitchen. As you would expect, the place kind of looks like the Paper Street House from Fight Club. Wade's not going to clean up, and Blind Al claims she can't see any mess. Speaking of which, she's sitting at the breakfast table with a bowl of oatmeal listening to a nearby radio.
Deadpool: Morning, beautiful. What's for breakfast?
Blind Al: Oatmeal.
Deadpool: Eugh. No thanks. Maple-flavored dookie.
Blind Al: Wasn't offering.
2/ Deadpool proudly brandishes a skillet. In the blink of an eye, he's wearing a chef's hat on his stupid, stupid head, and an apron that says PETA IS FOR QUITTERS.
Deadpool: I'm making waffles! And bacon. And eggs. And maybe some lasagna.
Deadpool: Ooo! I didn't trick you into eating all of my vegemite again, did I? A smoothie would be really good right now...
3/ Al, with a spoon of oatmeal halfway to her mouth, pauses to poke Deadpool right in the tummy. Right in his poochy little merceneary tummy.
Blind Al: Ugh. You gotta learn to eat better. Every time you lose your healing factor, it's an overnight Freshman fifteen, and then I have to hear your fat body sloshing around. It's gross.
Blind Al: Have some oatmeal.
4/ Deadpool recoils in mock terror, his balled hands going up to his chin. Next to him is a thought balloon of a morbidly obese Deadpool whose suit doesn't quite contain all of that, ... awesomeness? Yeah, we'll go with awesomeness.
Deadpool: Hey! That doesn't happen that often...
Thoughtpool: Doesn't it?
5/ Turning his attention back to the stove, Deadpool waves her and his fat thoughtself away. One hand on the dial.
Deadpool: Whatever. I'm sexy and you know it.
Deadpool: Bring on the meat sweats!
6/ SFX: FWOOSH
7/ In the foreground, Al casually takes another bite of her oatmeal. In the background, Deadpool is a charred Looney Tune.
Blind Al: Oh yeah.
Blind Al: I think I broke the stove.