2.1:Cutting away to TED CRUZ. I love these things screenwriter Craig Mazin, Cruz’s freshman year roommate at Princeton, has been saying about Cruz. [http://theslot.jezebel.com/fuckin-craig-mazin-an-appreciation-of-ted-cruzs-colleg-1746278435]. This is to give you an idea of the tone that I’m going with here. So Cruz here is standing on top of a tractor in front of a white Baptist Church. He’s wearing a Jean Tuxedo (jeans, jean-shirt, jean jacket), and shouting into a microphone like he’s a heavy metal lead singer, but he’s not—he’s a twat.
CRUZ: And Iiiiii promise you, North Texas- that Pro-lifers will burn in Hell.
[Unattached]: CRUZ CRUZ CRUZ!
2.2: Cut to: the interior of a dorm room at PRINCETON. Craig Mazin sits at his desk, typing on a typewriter while younger TED CRUZ stands on his bed, carrying on in a similar manner to the previous panel.
CAPTION: Princeton University.
CRUZ: Ah tell ya, Craig, folks are going to hear from me. I’m gonna change politics!
CRAIG [Thought Balloon]: I tell you, I’m going to get famous off this blowhard.
2.3: Sitting in an office, young Ted Cruz shakes the hand of a LAWYER who is radiating heat. Like waves of heat off this shady character’s backdraft.
CAPTION: The Law offices of Karuthers and Pittant, LLC.
LAWYER: Well that’s a fine deal, Ted. We’ll make you president, and protect your…rampages.
CRUZ: That’s all I want, Mr. Karuthers. Nobody is going to vote for the Zodiac Killer.
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