Saturday, July 23, 2016
I Hate Fairyland - Puberries - P. A. Nolte
1/ Queen Gertrude preens in the mirror, blowing herself a little kiss. In place of her usual stunted, violent, munchkin body is the form of a voluptuous 33-year-old. Her proper age. Around her are piles of ostentatious gowns. The one she has on is a variation of the pink and yellow dress she usually wears with a little more of Maleficent's angular design sense. Nearby, her guide Larrigon buzzes unhappily.
Gertrude: Maybe I won't have to rip your FLUFFING wings off after all, Larry. Just keep those Puberries coming. Mama has a lot more dresses to fill out...
2/ Larrigon nervously clutches the brim of his hat. Gertrude is unpredictable at the best of times, under the best of circumstances. This is neither.
Larry: Well, uh, Queen Gertrude… I'm afraid I have some, uh, b-b-bad news…
3/ She continues to pose, oblivious to Larry's awkwardness. Everyone is awkward around Gertrude, after all. The smile on her face is, for once, non-threatening. It could be that she's actually enjoying herself in Fairyland for the first time in a long time.
Gertrude: Maybe I'll forget about the Wishing Ale incident. MUFFIN FLUFFER did you STUFF the bed with that one.
Larry: Yes, well, I--
4/ She holds out an empty woven basket stained with dark juice.
Gertrude: More berries, Larrigon!
5/ Larry, more nervous than ever, tries to avoid eye contact with the volatile queen.
Larry: That's precisely what I've been trying to tell you, my queen. I'm afraid you've harvested and consumed the entire supply. Every supply.
Larry: And with your current tolerance level being what it is, and the violent mood swings you are, forgive me, prone to--
Larry: That is, um-- The effect of the berries will only last--
6/ In a puff of mist, Gertrude looks like a child once more, wearing the oversized dress that mere seconds ago fit her like a glove. Her hand is firm around Larry's neck.
Gertrude: I. HATE. THIS. FLUFFING. PLACE.