1.1: A BOY, probably between the ages of ten and twelve, walks with a GIANT PANDA next to him in a green field. The boy wears overalls and a baseball hat. The Panda is carrying a basket—let’s called the boy ZACK and the Panda is MERTON.
ZACK: Ma needs us to pick the apples for my birthday desert.
MERTON: Well we better get on it!
1.2: They stand in front of a creek, their basket filled with green and red apples. Zack is skipping rocks across the pond—we can see the little puddles stretching out into the lake.
1.3: Merton picks up something from the rocky shore. It’s GOLDEN. Just focus on his furry palm.
ZACK [O.P.]: Whatcha got?
1.4: In a Tarantino-style shot, they look down at the golden pebble in Merton’s hand.
ZACK: We’re rich!
1.5: They’re on their hands and knees filling up their basket with gold stones and TOSSING the apples.
ZACK: This is the best birthday ever! Wait’ll Ma see.
MERTON: I think we may be on our way to subsidizing the national debt!
I really like the two characters you show us here. They seem like a warm, endearing pair - not unlike a Calvin and Hobbes, if you will.ReplyDelete
I like the general idea of what you have here, but I think the script (as a one-pager) would benefit either from one more or one less panel. The apples bit doesn't have quite enough for it to seem relevant - the whole action could open with them skipping stones on the lake - so I would say either give the apples a bit more focus or drop them completely.
Of course, if this was part of a longer narrative, that piece could easily be addressed elsewhere. Just thought I'd throw my two cents out based on what's here.